Croatia moves to adopt long-awaited IVF law

May 29, 2009 – Googlenews.com

ZAGREB (AFP) — Croatia’s parliament is to review a long-awaited bill on in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) which faced strong opposition from the country’s powerful Catholic Church, a minister said Thursday.

“I believe we have formulated a bill which is acceptable for both the conservative part of Croatia, which forms a majority, and the liberal part,” Health Minister Darko Milinovic told national radio.

According to the draft law to be forwarded to parliament within the next 10 days, infertility treatment would be allowed for married women only, a term that Milinovic labelled as “conservative.”

At the same time, the legislation contains “liberal” provisions allowing egg and sperm donations, the minister added.

Under the new law, a child conceived by a donated egg or sperm would be able to obtain information about his or her biological parents once turning 18.

Such a provision was already condemned by local parents organisation RODA, which warned it could discourage potential donors.

Croatia’s current law on medically assisted reproduction dates back to 1978, when the world’s first “test-tube baby” was born. The former Yugoslav republic had its first IVF baby five years later.

A new bill had been in the offing since the late 1990s but never reached parliament.

Many believe this was due to strong opposition from the Roman Catholic Church which sparked a vivid public debate in 2005 when it condemned IVF as a “crime against human life.”

Medical sources estimate between 2,000 and 3,000 Croatian women suffer from infertility and are potential candidates for IVF treatment.

Due to the high number of failures with the procedure, many attempts are often necessary before a pregnancy succeeds.

Circle Surrogacy offers seminars in London and Stockholm for gay couples and singles

London and Stockholm seminars are offered in May about USA surrogacy options for gay couples and singles

Circle Surrogacy, one of the oldest and most experienced surrogacy agencies in the USA, is offering private consultations and informational seminars in London and Stockholm this month. The London seminar will be held at 2:30pm on May 16, and it is co-sponsored by Connecticut Fertility Associates. The seminar will feature a presentation by a lesbian surrogate mom from the USA who recently delivered a baby for a London couple, along with expert legal and medical advice, practical tips and contacts for gay and straight couples and singles. A similar seminar will be held in Stockholm on May 20, 6-8pm. Additional seminars and consultations are planned this year in Tel Aviv (June 12, in conjunction with Gay Pride), Montreal, New York, Atlanta and Madrid.

Circle Surrogacy is returning to London and Stockholm after holding six successful informational seminars in Europe and Israel over the last year. This time it will be presenting the innovative surrogacy programs it recently launched, such as “Guaranteed Baby” and more affordable surrogacy options with the use of an Egg Bank and Egg Sharing.

Circle Surrogacy has already helped bring to the world dozens of UK and Swedish babies, with just as many on the way. Many of these families will be attending reunion parties in London (also May 16) and Stockholm (May 19). The agency’s philosophy is to facilitate a circle of families who help create new families. The surrogate mothers who get accepted to Circle’s program are highly motivated to help prospective parents have children, and the agency assures that their spouses are also completely aboard with this endeavor. Circle is unique in its practice of also screening intended parents and making sure that they are willing to treat the egg donors (who sometimes are friends or family members) and surrogate mothers with the full respect and appreciation they deserve. Most of the people working at Circle are either parents through surrogacy, or former surrogates or egg donors themselves.

Introducing the Family Leave Insurance Act 2009

Source: Proud Parenting

The Family Leave Insurance Act of 2009 [H.R. 1723], introduced on March 25 by four House Democrats, would amend the Family and Medical Leave Act to provide up to 12 weeks of paid leave benefits to workers who need to care for an ill family member or new child, or to treat their own illness. Along with its paid leave provisions, which CCH says drew the most attention, H.R. 1723 also would amend the Act to grant FMLA leave to employees who need to care for an ill domestic partner or the child of a domestic partner – thereby affording the protections of the FMLA to GLBT employees.

Currently, the FMLA does not require employers to provide leave to care for a same-sex partner or spouse, because federal law does not recognize same-sex relationships. In addition, it is unclear whether, in every instance, the FMLA would cover the child of a same-sex partner or spouse if the employee is not the child’s legal parent. Employers are not mandated by the FMLA to provide an employee leave for the birth and care of a child to which an employee is not a legal parent unless a local court determines it to be so.

THE CASE FOR COMPREHENSIVE MEDICAL TESTING OF GAMETE DONORS

THE CASE FOR COMPREHENSIVE MEDICAL TESTING OF GAMETE DONORS
A commentary by Wendy Kramer, Director & co-founder, Donor Sibling Registry, http://www.donorsiblingregistry.com
(May 26/09. BioNews)
http://www.bionews.org.uk/commentary.lasso?storyid=4365

“The Donor Sibling Registry (‘DSR’) is a non-profit, web-based, worldwide organisation dedicated to educating, connecting and supporting those affected by gamete donation, including donors, recipients and offspring. At 25,000 members, the DSR has connected 7,000 genetic first degree relatives; hundreds of donors enjoy contact with offspring and thousands of half-siblings interact together.

However, the DSR doesn’t just generate genetically-related joy — it also shines light on serious genetic concerns about gamete donation. Frequently, the DSR counsels recipients whose children have inherited undisclosed genetic disorders, or who have discovered their donor was dishonest regarding health, or that the sperm bank didn’t notify them about reported illness or amended the medical profile.

The number and severity of these health matters is discomfiting. Since US donors can father many offspring (one DSR donor has more than 120 known offspring) donors can transmit disease to scores of children.

Ranking only second to seeking contact with genetic relatives, DSR members cite interest in sharing or warning about health issues. The DSR is the only facility whereby donors, recipients and offspring can unrestrictedly and immediately share medical information. Thousands use it for this purpose.

Currently, many US sperm banks either refuse to update donor/offspring medical information or, even if they accept updates, refuse to share the information, or make the process of reporting so complex or expensive that donors and recipients simply cannot comply or afford it.

Amazingly, in this era of genomic sequencing, some US sperm banks don’t carry out basic genetic screening techniques such as karyotyping – a test to look for chromosomal abnormalities which might cause genetic problems. Recently, the DSR undertook to notify recipients that a New England Cryogenic Center (‘NECC’) donor had a balanced translocation of chromosomes manifesting in offspring as an imbalanced translocation with consequent severe retardation, deafness, blindness and immobility. The DSR took on this task because the NECC was intransigently refusing to notify recipients. The DSR not only notified recipient members, it also trawled its database to find discussion group visitors mentioning that particular donor.

Yet more frustrating than the time and cost expended doing such activity, is the fact that were the NECC simply kartyotyping, this donor would have been excluded for having pieces of his 10 and 22 chromosomes swapped around. Tragically, the cost of karyotyping is less than the price the NECC charges for a single vial of sperm: $400 v $530.

Despite providing a clearinghouse for medical updating, the DSR knows it can’t reach all affected recipients. Unfortunately the sperm banks — who could so easily notify recipients — rarely do. They ignore their moral and obvious obligation to prevent sick children being procreated even when they know a donor is transmitting hereditary illness.

In 2006, when 5 babies conceived by the same donor were diagnosed by a leading medical expert as suffering from a rare disorder called severe congenital neutropenia, the New York Times reported that when International Cryogenics heard about the problem ‘it did not notify other recipients … at first because the company’s own genetics consultant questioned Dr. Boxer’s findings, and later because the company reasoned that even if other children had developed the disease their families would already know it’.

But such reasoning is faulty. Recipients often store sperm for years and reserve vials are frequently gifted if not needed. Also, embryos can be frozen for years before using. Recipients clearly need to be warned about hereditary disorders to prevent unnecessarily sick children being born.

The few genetic tests US sperm banks perform, they skimp on. Only Jewish and French-Canadian donors are tested for Tay-Sachs, ignoring the reality that although those ethnicities are more likely to carry the mutation, there is still risk in other groups. Tragically, offspring have inherited Tay-Sachs due to this policy.

Despite larger sperm banks grossing $1,000,000 – $2,000,000 per donor through sale of vials, plus around the same amount again through selling profiles, consultations and vial storage, US sperm banks generally shun genetic testing. The less screening carried out, the fewer donors need be disqualified and fewer tests also equals less cost.

The sacrificing of offspring’s health to profits goes on. In the case of Johnson v California Cryobank (No. B137002, 2000 WL 638843), the doctors deliberately rewrote a page within the donor’s medical profile deleting information the donor provided indicating kidney disease in his family. This led to the conception of a girl who by the unusually tender age of six had kidney failure. Because Autosomal Dominant Polycystic Kidney Disease normally strikes sufferers in their forties, doubtless the doctors thought any prospect of litigation would be long tolled before the anticipated wave of offspring sufferers would manifest. Since 1500 vials of the affected donor were sold, based upon conservative estimates around 75 offspring will ultimately be struck with kidney disease.

The DSR believes that just as self-regulation failed with monetary banks, it has failed with sperm banks. Therefore, to protect donors, recipients and offspring, the DSR is calling for the implementation of strict regulation, mandatory genetic testing and the establishment of a central gamete donor registry run by an independent authority.”

Parents who hire foreign surrogates ‘risk losing children’

London Evening Standard

Couples who hire foreign surrogate mothers risk their children being taken from them, a legal expert said today.

Natalie Gamble, a fertility law specialist, warned that hundreds of parents who use women in India to have a child are facing a legal timebomb. Many are failing to register as their baby’s legal parents so effectively have no rights, which could be a particular issue if they divorce.

Ms Gamble, founder of Britain’s first fertility law firm, Gamble and Ghevaert, told the Standard: “There’s so little information so couples don’t realise what they’re getting into. They’re slipping through the net and don’t realise they’re not the legal parents.

“You’re basically strangers looking after a child and it’s potentially a nightmare. This has all sorts of implications with health visitors, schools or if the parents divorce. This is a timebomb.”

Couples using surrogates have six months after their child’s birth to register as the legal parents when they bring the baby back to Britain. They must go to court and effectively adopt the child.

But many are ignorant of this process, called a parental order, which means schools and social services can

challenge their position as the child’s legal guardians.

Senior legal figures, including High Court judge Mr Justice McFarlane, are trying to get the law on surrogacy reviewed but Ms Gamble said that at the moment couples have no protection unless they register.

Her firm has been inundated with calls from couples worried about the pitfalls of foreign surrogacy. She deals with gay men conceiving with the help of surrogate mothers in the US and India as well as lesbian couples and single women conceiving with friends.

Last year 31-year-old Ms Gamble, herself the mother of two children born using a sperm donor, was involved in a landmark case when a couple using a Ukrainian surrogate went to the High Court to prove their parental rights. She also dealt with the case of London fireman Andy Bathie, who was targeted by the Child Support Agency for child maintenance payments after donating sperm to a lesbian couple.

Ms Gamble said: “We have seen a liberalisation of more unusual forms of fertility treatment in the UK in the past few years, such as donor insemination for lesbian couples and single women, surrogacy, embryo testing and gay parenting.

“These create complex legal situations which increasing numbers of people need expert help with.” Paying surrogates for carrying a child is illegal in Britain, but Ms Gamble said she would back a review into surrogacy laws.

She said: “Commercialised reproduction is a very sensitive issue. We’ve taken the moral high ground in this country but we need to live in the real world whatever the ethical issues.

“The reality is that people are going to go abroad. The priority is about protecting the rights of children.”

The Road to Adoption: Patiently Waiting to Exhale

The Road to Adoption: Patiently Waiting to Exhale

When my partner, Anthony, and I started our journey on the road to adoption, many of our friends forgot I had already been on the road for the past 32 years as I was adopted when I was 1.5 years old. The adopting side is a totally different experience with decisions I had not initially expected. Our first decision focused on whether we should go it alone, get a 1-800 red bat-phone line, hire an adoption lawyer, promote our profile though ads in newspapers and websites and do all our own outreach, etc. or solicit the assistance and experience of an adoption agency?


Initially, the choice between the two seemed difficult to make until we started adding up the time needed for proper outreach to make the appropriate connections with potential birthmothers, not to mention answering the ’24/7 red bat phone’. Even as a person of adoption and a professional actor with 12 years of experience, the bat phone scared me the most. “What do I ask? How do I respond? What are the right answers? Are there any right answers?” I know I could look up a list of questions to ask from the internet and have that list with me at home, at work, on the go, etc.  I’m also sure our lawyer would guide us as to what is legally allowable and what is not. But would we remember all that at 3:30am? Language and honesty would prevail, but what about experience? Dare we risk it for a comparatively nominal fee when you factor the on-call hours, research and self-promotion? It was like we navigated onto a one-way road and just as we turned on our favorite song to jam along, we saw a caravan of cars barreling toward us.  Time to pull a quick 180. We felt that the agency’s experience in working with the potential birthmother would be invaluable and balance the cost immeasurably, not to mention the guidance, resources, time and professional support on several levels that would be provided to us as first-timers.


Now, which agency do we go with?  After some homework in researching LGBT friendly agencies in the northeast, we were lucky in that we had options.  Over the course of a year and during some serious adoption discussions with friends, Friends in Adoption (FIA) came up several times.  We even secured a great reference as one of my co-workers and his partner were adopting through FIA. They could not praise the agency enough.  At that point, how many signs did we need?  We decided to book a “Getting Acquainted Weekend” (GAW) at the agency’s home base in Vermont. The weekend gives you an opportunity to get to know the agency and its staff, discuss how the program works, ask questions (all of them) and hear from adoptive parents and birthmothers who placed with agency. A quaint, relaxing weekend in the country at rustic bed and breakfast. Quaint, absolutely.  Relaxing, well, I will get to that later.  “Let’s book it!”


Upon calling the agency we were informed they were already at capacity for same-sex couples.  One would think, “Great, first roadblock of many for same-sex couples.” We asked, “What does that mean exactly?” We were informed that they placed ‘x’ number of children per year and they controlled the number of families they worked with based on past placements. We were asked to call back in a few months and see if there was a spot available. Who knew we would get practice in waiting even before we picked an agency? It was an opportune time to start developing and working on a website and practice my new meditations.


In discussing the process with our friends and informing them of our progress, I said, “We have to call back and see if there is a same-sex opening and then book the info weekend that would then give us the opportunity to sign with the agency if we so choose.  And here I thought getting a NYC theatre agent was hard.” Instead of laughing many people were shocked, baffled and thought it was absurd.  “Aren’t you paying them? You should look for another agency.” My simple reply was, “Absolutely not, this is the type of agency we were hoping to find.” We went on to explain how working with an agency that controlled numbers fairly and honestly is exactly what we wanted. I have read a few horror stories of agencies taking same-sex couples’ money and putting them on the bottom of the perspective adoptive parents list or not on the list at all. With 30 years of statistical information, FIA knew how many couples and singles of heterosexual and same-sex variety they could honestly work with at any given time. This also keeps any specific demographic from being in the program too long.  I am positive this has led to their continued success and respectability within the adoption services community.


Fast forward two quick months. Anthony was planning my birthday weekend, which usually involves a road trip.  He asked if I was free, as if I had planned something that did not include him.  I was not told where we were going, but it was two months away. What could it be?  I think two minutes passed before I found the number to FIA and was on the phone asking the date of the next GAW. Bingo! It happened to be on my birthday weekend.  What I had not planned on was FIA asking my name.  Do I give a fake name or hang up? Neither, because I was too excited and said I was Ricky of Ricky & Anthony. They said not to worry and our confirmation would be coming in an email soon. Thirty minutes later Anthony called asking if I contacted FIA.  “What are you talking about?” I asked.  He said, “Because I received an email to MY email address in response to YOUR call.” Oops, I should have gone with a pseudo-name. I was never the type of person to open presents before Christmas and then re-wrap them, but this time I could not wait to find out and impatience prevailed. Plus think of all the questions with a mere eight weeks to research and prepare. The eight weeks flew by and Anthony reminded me that my practice in patience needed to increase from here on in, not decrease.


Needless to say, the weekend was informative and heartfelt but without much sleep as we considered the countless pitfalls and infinite number of possible scenarios. Relaxing this weekend was not.  Even though we did not have to sign with FIA that weekend, we felt a good connection and were first in line for a Sunday morning consultation appointment.  In hindsight the time was well worth the wait and we had our properly timed spot. To think we could have sped toward an agency that accepted anyone and whose primary interest is securing the next deposit. Suffice to say, we lucked out. Our paperwork, profile, clearances and home study were processed in a record six weeks and we were approved about a month later. Now we can start the real waiting process. My advice for this period is simple.  Do everything that you wanted to do before you are blessed with children. Make a list, read those books, exercise, socialize, learn to meditate on patience, get lots of sleep and fulfill those carnal desires. That last piece of advice was listed in EVERY parenting book I have read so far.


It has been less than 6 months with FIA and already we feel like we have found our forever extended family, minus our crying, eating, peeing, pooping machine.  Thank you for helping us to discover the right road and patiently guiding us to enjoy each step along the way!


All the best,

Ricky

Finding Perspective Parents

Hello,

If you are looking to place your child or know someone who is, please pass this along. We have dreamed of beginning this process and are ready to create a loving home for your child.  Ricky, adopted at age 1 & 1/2, understands how important being placed with a loving and caring family is and we are ready to give that wonderful gift back. We are choosing an open adoption for many reasons.  We know it is important to have adoption questions answered in a truthful and honest manner when dealing with an adopted child.  This has given Ricky acceptance, understanding, growth and maturity growing up. We wish the same for your child and look forward to making the openness work for the level you are most comfortable with.
Adoption: It’s About Love
We are excited to build our forever family through adoption.
It is an honor for us to share our family with you.
Please feel free to call our agency or email.
We would love to hear from you!
Sincerely, Anthony & Ricky
Open & Loving Adoptive Parents
VIEW OUR PRINTABLE PROFILE:
http://www.friendsinadoption.org/fia_waiting_family_profiles/ricky_anthony.pdf
Become a member of our Facebook Fan Page:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Future-Together-Through-Adoption/55485353785?ref=share

Call our agency toll-free at 1-800-844-3630
Agency Email: fia@friendsinadoption.org Our Email: AFutureTogether@me.com
Website: www.AFutureTogether.com

——————————————————————————————————————————

Optional places to distribute adoption cards:
• Grocery Stores • Gas Stations
• Hair Stylists • Nail Salons
• Physicians • OBGYN
• Restrooms • Rest Stops
• Unitarian / Churches • Social Workers
• Community Leaders • Community Centers
• Community Festivals • Bulletin Boards
• College Campus • Planned Parenthood Organizations
• Family Planning Centers • Gym
• Libraries • Business Card ‘Free Drawing’ Bowls
• Telephone Booths • Networking Events
• Hospitals • YWCA / YMCA
• Free Health Clinics • Low income housing boards
• Laundromats • Shelters: Women’s / Homeless
• Senior Citizen Centers • Utility Bills
• Coffee Shops
Other places to spread the word:
• Family / Friends / Co-workers
• Adoption Website
• www.parentgallery.com
• Facebook / Fan Page
• YouTube
• Craig’s List
• Holiday / Family Newsletters
• Birthday or Anniversary Cards

Ricky and Anthony’s Adoption Video For Perspective Parents

Adoption Poetry

an openly adopted child’s legacy

Once there were two expectant mothers.

One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart

She became your Birthmother.

The other carried the hope of you within her.

She became your Mom.

As the days passed, and you grew bigger and stronger,

Your Birthmother knew that she could not give you all you needed after your birth.

Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and your Mom found each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend.
Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you.
Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved and cared for you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families,
One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you can get:
your questions answered,
your boo boos bandaged,
your heartaches soothed,
And much needed hugs.

And a place where you can find:
answers to your questions,
your image in the mirror,
a part of yourself,
And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families
Two different kinds of love
Both a part of you.

© Brenda Romanchik

from god’s arms, to my arms, to yours

So many wrong decisions in my past, I’m not quite sure

If I can ever hope to trust my judgement anymore.

But lately I’ve been thinking,

Cause it’s all I’ve had to do.

And in my heart I feel that I

Should give this child to you.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he’s been loved before, By someone, who delivered your son,

From God’s arms, to my arms, to yours. 

If you choose to tell him,

If he wants to know,

How the one who gave him life

Could bear to let him go.

Just tell him there were sleepless nights,

I prayed and paced the floors,

And knew the only peace I’d find,

Was if this child was yours.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he’s been loved before,

By someone, who delivered your son,

From God’s arms, to my arms, to yours.

This may not be the answer,

For another girl like me.

But I’m not on a soapbox,

Saying how we all should be.

I’m just trusting in my feelings,

And I’m trusting God above,

And I’m trusting you can give this baby

Both his mothers’ love.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he’s been loved before,

By someone, who delivered your son,

From God’s arms, to my arms, to yours.

(This poem was based on the writings of a young birth mother, whom she shared with songwriter Michael McClean. It has been set to music and comes with a 100% guarantee that no one who has been involved with adoption in any way will make it all the way through with dry eyes! )

© Michael McLean

legacy of an adopted child

Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.

Two different lives shaped to make you one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love. The second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.
One gave you a talent. The other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions. The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile. The other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home that she could not provide.
The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me, through your tears,
the age-old question unanswered through the years.
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling. Neither. Just two different kinds of Love.

© Author Unknown

on children

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, “Speak to us of

Children.”

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit,

not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you

with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that

is stable.

© Kahlil Gibran

the answer (to an adopted child)

Not flesh of my flesh

Nor bone of my bone,

But still miraculously

My own.

Never forget

For a single minute:

You didn’t grow under my heart

But in it.

© Fleur Conkling Heyliger

Credits: http://poetry.adoption.com/

Thoughts on being a Dad…

I never knew that being a dad could re-invent a man.

Things that were not so, now are. And things as they are,

Are amazing.

Showering: No longer a relaxing experience, but rather an attempt

To smell as sweet as your baby girl.

Shaving: No longer a habit of aesthetics, but a way to make the

Face-to-face cuddling as soft and as gentle as possible.

Eating: Just a way to keep you on your feet and wide-awake.

Sleeping: An insignificant and overrated opportunity.

Smiling: A contagious response to pretty much everything the

Baby girl does.

Crying: Now an uncontrolled display of emotion that you are no

longer

Ashamed or embarrassed about, rather empowered by.

Diapering: A fun three-handed activity, much like installing surround

sound stereo;

Really complicated but well worth the effort of doing it right.

Feeding: A one-handed job that requires a little practice and perfect

timing.

Loving: The most powerful and beautiful of all forces on the face of

the Earth.

Being a Dad is not what I expected. In fact it is more than I could

have ever

Imagined…more than I could have hoped for.

My baby girl has taught me how to live, and really, why I am alive to

begin with.

This little girl has changed me.

My heart no longer beats to keep me alive, it beats for her to live.

My thoughts are no longer clouded because she has cleared the sky.

My feelings are no longer mine to control, but rather, hers to own.

Everything in the world is wrapped up inside this beautiful little girl,

and it is slowly unraveling to reveal to me who I really am.

This poem is from Lew and Rob, who adopted through Forever Families

Through Adoption, Inc.








Parent Job Posting

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
and an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this!   You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more..

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

** AND A FOOTNOTE ‘THERE IS NO RETIREMENT   —  EVER!!!