I am a known donor and I love it.
I am a a known donor and known donors are a preferred option in lesbian parenting. Whether all the circumstances are in place for a known donor, or whether it is a better choice for you to have an anonymous donor, there are more options today than there ever have been. Knowing the law is key. For instance, a known donor in New York can only surrender his parental rights to a person, the partner/spouse of the biological mother, or to an agency, child protective services or an adoption agency. If you are single, the father’s parental rights must be terminated, which could have adverse effects on the father.
It is critical to draft and execute a Known Donor Agreement in order to detail the intentions of the parties involved and to work through certain important aspects of a known donor relationship, such as subsequent sperm donations if the first doesn’t take, means and method of donation, ongoing relationship of the donor to the child and statements of intent regarding securing a non-biological intended parent’s rights to a child to name just a few.
To lesbian couples considering known donation, I offer a donor questionnaire package. Examples of some of the questions I provide to prospective known-donor parents are: How will you refer to the bio-dad’s partner? Will the bio-dad have a say in the child’s medical treatments? Would you be comfortable creating a regular visitation schedule with the bio-dad? These are some of many considerations in choosing the right person to help you have your family.
Click here to read my op-ed piece on being a donor dad.
If you have questions about anonymous v. known donor counseling, please contact me at Anthony@TimeForFamilies.com.