First Person / Our modern family

July 13, 2013 – By Ellen V. Garbuny – Pittsburgh Post Gazette

Today at the gym, I was walking the track with a friend, sharing family  updates. I told her my son, in graduate school, is leaving soon for a summer  internship in West Africa. It is his first time traveling so far overseas, and  his trip is exciting and a little nerve-racking.

Instead of asking about the specifics of his internship, she asked, “But will  he see his son before he leaves?”

A simple question to me, a grandmother of a delightful 19-month-old boy, and  yet, it’s complicated.

Had she asked questions about his graduate program or internship, the answers  would be fairly straightforward. The question of “his son” is not, as he does  not consider our grandchild to be his son.

You see, my son is a sperm donor for a child who is being raised by two  loving mothers, one of whom has been a close family friend for more than a  decade. Deciding to be a donor, to give the gift of genetic material with which  to make a new life, is not a decision to make easily or lightly. Becoming a  donor meant pioneering a new understanding of family — for my son, the women  and everyone related to the three of them.