My Son Charlie
My son Charlie was an ordinary man who lived an ordinary life. But to his family and friends, he was extraordinary. The fact that he was gay was only a part of who he was, what was really extraordinary about him was that he was funny, and had a big heart. He was a man that could make you laugh until tears rolled down your face, and when he befriended you, he loved you wholly and completely and his loyalty had no boundaries. Just when Charlie had found someone whom he really loved and wanted to spend his life with, he died rather tragically. One minute this large wonderful man was with us, and the next minute he was gone, leaving this gaping hole in our lives so palpable you could practically fall into it. I was lucky that Tom, Charlie’s boyfriend, was able to share with me that in the hours before the car accident that would take his life, Charlie and him were together talking and kissing and telling each other how lucky they were to have found each other. It gave me great comfort to know that Charlie’s last hours were spent with the man that he really loved, and that Charlie realized he was loved in return. And you know, had he lived, I would have gladly planned his wedding (which would have drove him crazy) and proudly stood up for him at the church as he recited his wedding vows. But I never got the chance. I would give anything for my son to be with me here today and to walk him down the aisle and celebrate the fact that I raised a child that was able to love another person. Life can be hard, and as I learned, life can be very tragic, and if you can find someone who can love you and support you through not only the good times, but the really hard times as well, then you are very, very fortunate. Love between two people, any two people should be celebrated because it really is a miracle that we find each other at all.
There’s a quote that I feel really resonates with my feelings on this: We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness’.” This is true for everyone, and trust me, this is not just reserved for heterosexual marriage. It’s true for all marriages. When you love someone and decide to commit your life to them, you are saying that you will witness and validate their very existence. To deny any two people this gift is unforgivable.
Elizabeth Grosse
New York