New York State Marriage Equality

News Flash……….From Human Rights Campaign

New York State is now one step closer to marriage equality. Last night, the New York State Assembly passed the marriage equality bill (A.7732) with a vote of 89 to 52.
Thanks go to Governor Paterson and Assemblyman Daniel O’Donnell for their leadership.

Marriage equality now moves to the New York Senate, where the vote is expected to be exceptionally close. Take action today to let your state senator know that you want him or her to pass the marriage equality bill (S.4401).

Marriage equality on the move in New York will be a rallying cry for opponents of equality, too. The right wing National Organization for Marriage is planning a rally outside the Governor’s office this Sunday to protest his support for equal civil marriage rights to protect all New York families.

We know that support for equality runs deep in New York, so if you can be in New York City this Sunday, May 17th, join us for Action=Equality from 5-7 p.m. at 6th Ave. and 45th St. Help celebrate the passage of marriage equality in the Assembly and find out what you can do to help pass this bill in the Senate. Join HRC, Broadway Impact, Cynthia Nixon, Kristin Davis, the cast of Hair, Audra McDonald, Cheyenne Jackson, Gavin Creel, and of course, our friends Assemblyman Daniel O’Donnell and Senator Tom Duane for Action=Equality.

Sperm Donor Banks

Today I wanted to write about credible Sperm Banks. You can research and find a plethora of choices, its actually quite overwhelming to see how many places to get donor sperm from.

My suggestion is to use these two:

Fairfax

California Cryobank

Please definitely do your homework and look into your choices. We felt comfortable with these two. We actually ended up using Fairfax and are very happy with their services and product. You will also find that most nurses recommend Fairfax Cryobank and California Cryobank because of their distinction and credibility.  Their acceptance and testing criteria are very prudent.

Once you decide which one to pick from , you enter another world, the Sperm Donor Matrix. You will know the donor better then you know your partner.

This step will take the most time because picking your donor is hard work. However, there are alot of tools they offer to make is easier like some have baby pictures, some have lifetime pictures, voice recordings, and medical history. A good thing to check is if there are any reported pregnancies. Also the type of washes you can use with your procedure: The three washes are  IVF, ICI or IUI . For our cycle we were able to use IVF and ICI, this helps because sometimes they might have it in one wash but not the other.

My advice is do not rush into it but if you really like a donor check right away how many vials they have available. The Doctors suggest at least 2 vials for each cycle to be sent so make sure you buy enough for back up as not everyone is lucky on the first try.

We bought our donor out because the first time he was on a waiting list and there was a waiting list for that list.

Once the bank sends the doctor the vials they can not be returned so you either must discard or have your doctor store them for you (if they offer this service- its called cryopreservation) Otherwise once you buy the sperm you will have to pay the back for storage. This runs about $375 a year. If you become pregnant and are done with your family, all donor sperm not touched from bank can be returned for half the price.

Please feel free to ask me any questions if I missed anything on this part.

My Son Charlie

My son Charlie was an ordinary man who lived an ordinary life. But to his family and friends, he was extraordinary. The fact that he was gay was only a part of who he was, what was really extraordinary about him was that he was funny, and had a big heart. He was a man that could make you laugh until tears rolled down your face, and when he befriended you, he loved you wholly and completely and his loyalty had no boundaries. Just when Charlie had found someone whom he really loved and wanted to spend his life with, he died rather tragically. One minute this large wonderful man was with us, and the next minute he was gone, leaving this gaping hole in our lives so palpable you could practically fall into it. I was lucky that Tom, Charlie’s boyfriend, was able to share with me that in the hours before the car accident that would take his life, Charlie and him were together talking and kissing and telling each other how lucky they were to have found each other. It gave me great comfort to know that Charlie’s last hours were spent with the man that he really loved, and that Charlie realized he was loved in return. And you know, had he lived, I would have gladly planned his wedding (which would have drove him crazy) and proudly stood up for him at the church as he recited his wedding vows. But I never got the chance. I would give anything for my son to be with me here today and to walk him down the aisle and celebrate the fact that I raised a child that was able to love another person. Life can be hard, and as I learned, life can be very tragic, and if you can find someone who can love you and support you through not only the good times, but the really hard times as well, then you are very, very fortunate. Love between two people, any two people should be celebrated because it really is a miracle that we find each other at all.

There’s a quote that I feel really resonates with my feelings on this: We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness’.” This is true for everyone, and trust me, this is not just reserved for heterosexual marriage. It’s true for all marriages. When you love someone and decide to commit your life to them, you are saying that you will witness and validate their very existence. To deny any two people this gift is unforgivable.

Elizabeth Grosse
New York

Click here to visit Charlie’s virtual memorial.

Marriage for NY Gay Families Hinges on State Senate

malcolmsmithby Kilian Melloy
EDGE Staff Reporter
Tuesday May 12, 2009

With a bill to legalize marriage equality expected to sail through the New York State Assembly, the real question becomes whether the measure can clear the state Senate.

In 2007, well before last year’s election brought a majority of Democrats to the state Senate, the Assembly had passed a marriage equality bill that was never allowed to come up for a vote under the Senate’s then-Republican leadership.

Now, even though the Democrats narrowly dominate the Senate, the outcome is far from certain: for one thing, any successful legislation needs 32 votes to pass the state Senate, and there are exactly 32 Democrats in that lawmaking body, a situation that The New York Times profiled in a May 10 article.

The result has been instances of legislative gridlock, because small groups of lawmakers, or even individuals, can derail important pieces of legislation if they don’t get concessions or provisions they want, the article noted, quoting Senate Speaker Malcolm A. Smith.

Smith said that when it comes to getting laws passed, “It’s not about [the] merit [of the legislation]. It’s just about what gets us there with the votes that we need to get it passed.”

Commenting on the makeup of the state Senate, Assemblyman Richard L. Brodsky noted, “When you require 32 people to do anything, and you only have 32 people, I don’t care if you’re the New York State Senate or the catering committee for the junior prom: nothing is going to get done easily.

“The Democrats will adjust and do a good job, but it’s going to take some time,” Brodsky added.

By contrast, Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver, with a more definite Democratic majority, “has 60 members he can let off the hook, said Smith.

Smith added that the makeup of the Assembly allows Silver to “pontificate, he can change his mind, he can dance, he can sit still.

“Because at the end of the day, he has 60 or 70 members that don’t have to stand up and take a position on anything.”

Bills relating to issues such as transportation are now getting caught up in the Senate; when it comes to marriage equality, which does not enjoy the support of all Democrats, the situation is even more sticky. As noted in an EDGE article from April 14, the long-ruling paradigm in New York politics is that state lawmaking comes down to a de facto triune: the Governor and the heads of the Assembly and the Senate.

Noted the EDGE article, “The old Senate head was implacably opposed to gay marriage. The new one, Malcolm Smith of Queens, is vocal in his support.

“The leader of the Assembly, Sheldon Silver, is a practicing Orthodox Jew. But the area he represents, the Lower East Side of Manhattan, is one of the most liberal, and Silver is nothing if not politically astute; he has implied he will do nothing to oppose the measure.

“The problem is in the Senate. Although there is a Democratic majority, at least two if not three Democrats are so opposed to gay marriage that it became the major sticking point in the election of Smith to head the body after last year’s election.”

Added the EDGE item, “Paterson had indicated earlier that the state’s budget crisis prevailed over any social engineering. But Vermont (and Iowa) changed all that.

“Today, the wind appears to be behind the back of marriage advocates,” EDGE noted, though that will depend on how many Republicans favor marriage equality as much as whether all Democrats will support it.

Indeed, not all state Senate Democrats do support marriage rights for gay and lesbian families. Senator Rubén Díaz Sr., is vocally opposed to marriage equality, to the point of partaking in anti-marriage rallies; as for the other side of the aisle, one Republican has voiced support for family equality, according to a May 3 article in New York Magazine which named that GOP senator as James S. Alesi.

New York Magazine estimates that the measure lacks six votes to clear the Senate, though the article also cites GLBT equality group Empire State Pride Agenda as speculating that four Democrats (of seven who are opposed to marriage equality) might be prevailed upon to change their minds.

The group’s executive director, Alan Van Capelle, noted that state lawmakers had had a change of heart in the past; “So we know that when we do the work that needs to be done, which includes giving the facts and telling our stories, people can change their minds,” the article quoted Van Capelle as saying.

As far as Republicans who might come to support the right of gays and lesbian families to enter into legal civil marriage, the New York Magazine article said, there’s speculation that Sen. Thomas P. Morahan and Sen. Kemp Hannon might be persuaded to support equal rights for all New York families.

Moreover, a number of Republican state senators have not given any indication on way or another.

A May 9 article in The New York Times noted that state Sen. Vincent L. Leibell has stated that he would support civil unions, but also acknowledged that “society changes over time,” while Sen. James S. Alesi noted, “My public opinion has not been stated yet, and it probably won’t be for a while.”

The decibels surrounding the issue are rising, but marriage equality supporters have reason for optimism, the New York Times article said: for one thing, Sen. Dean G. Skelos, the Senate minority leader, has given Republican senators leave to vote as they see fit, rather than insisting that they toe a party line.

“Republican legislators will be free to vote their conscience on this issue, without pressure,” the article quoted Log Cabin Republicans adviser Jeff Cook as saying.

Added Cook, “And we know if people vote their hearts on this issue, we will win.”

However, those determined to prevent gay and lesbian families from attaining equal access to civil marriage have hardly given up the battle. Anti-gay group the National Organization for Marriage, which supported Proposition 8, the California voter initiative that stripped marriage rights from gay and lesbian families, is working to block passage of the bill.

The article quoted NOM executive director Brian S. Brown as saying, “right now they don’t have the votes in the Senate to pass same-sex marriage.

“And as long as we’re able to connect with voters and have them connect with their senators, then marriage will remain the union of a man and a woman in New York.”

For some senators, lobbying is beside the point: their minds are made up.

Democrat George Onorato made his stance plain, saying of gay and lesbian families, “They can have all the other privileges, but not marriage.”

For others, however, interaction with constituents and marriage supporters had helped them make more informed decisions; the article quoted Democratic senator John L. Sampson, who said that his opposition was waning.

“I do see it differently,” the article quoted the senator as saying.

“I can’t impose my own religious beliefs in a situation like this.”

Sampson is officially undecided, as is Sen. Ruth Hassell-Thompson, a fellow Democrat who comes from a deeply religious family.

“This is an issue that challenges the fundamental beliefs that people have,” the article quoted Hassell-Thompson as saying.

“And it’s not easy.”

Where to Start :Part 1(Amy and Maria’s Blog)

So for awhile Maria and I were stuck and didn’t know what our first move should be. Okay we are ready for a family, great! Now what?

I can tell you what we did. I guess for us the most important thing was getting our finances together. An IVF cycle is expensive not including the medications, doctor fees, attorney fees, and everything else that this process comes with. Since its a lot to tell I would like to divide in a few parts.

Checklist

Where to start

IVF Doctors

IVF Fees

Donor Sperm (in our case) Unknown Donor

Cryopreservation /Sperm Storage

Type of Procedure

NY State Law

Adoption

There is more to come……

Amy

Where to start /contd (Amy and Maria’s Blog)

AmyandOttavioOur Story

After we decided to begin our family , we asked our OB at the time. ( not recommending her, she is not gay friendly) for a referral. She suggested we call Long Island IVF (LIVF) DR. Brenner in Hempstead. This was a horrible experience and a waste of money.  Not only because they do not have experience handling same sex couples but also we felt they were just making a paycheck. They were very careless with our procedure.

Now just to clarify the procedure we did was I carried Maria’s eggs and we used a unknown sperm donor.  There is no classification yet although we are both fertile we have to go through the IVF cycle to have a child this way. They call Maria a Known Donor because she gave up her eggs and I became a Gestational Carrier because I carried a forgein embryo. Until NY State laws change this is what it is……

Also very important to remember before you get to this point you must have a sperm donor picked and ready to ship. ( I will discuss donor banks later) !

This is how LIVF’s procedure goes. First you have to get interviewed by their Social worker Aviva who is eccentric and negative. Because they don’t know how to classify “this type of relationship”, this becomes a gestational carrier and a known donor cycle. They made us both take the MMPI ($900) which is a psychological test to make sure you are sane and able to be a mother . You then have to go see their attorney who explains the laws in the state of NY ($675). You then interview with doctor Brenner and get all the details and cost summary.

The nurses discuss payment breakdown, the start date and the medication schedule. At this point payment must be made and you are ready to begin the cycle.

I am not aware of any insurance companies who cover IVF cycles unless you are truly infertile. So you must have money saved because this can become very costly. We spent between $50,000 – $100,000 that is all inclusive and two cycles.

NH gov. tests political wind on gay marriage

By The Associated Press
05.07.2009 9:21am EDT

(Concord, New Hampshire) The legalization of gay marriage in New Hampshire hinges on the next move of Gov. John Lynch, who remains uncommitted but has said he believes the word “marriage” should be reserved for the union of a man and a woman.

“I’m going to talk to legislators and I’m going to talk to the people of New Hampshire and ultimately make the best decision I can for the people of New Hampshire,” the Democratic governor said Wednesday evening.

The state’s gay marriage bill squeaked through the House on a 178-167 vote after an hour of debate. Both chambers appear to be far short of enough votes to override a veto.

If Lynch signs the bill or lets it become law without his signature, New Hampshire would become the sixth state in the nation to legalize gay marriage after Maine approved the legislation Wednesday.

Gov. John Baldacci, a Democrat who hadn’t indicated how he would handle Maine’s bill, signed it shortly after the legislation passed the Senate on a vote of 21-13 – a margin not large enough to override a veto.

“In the past, I opposed gay marriage while supporting the idea of civil unions,” Baldacci said in a statement read in his office. “I have come to believe that this is a question of fairness and of equal protection under the law, and that a civil union is not equal to civil marriage.”

Maine’s bill authorizes marriage between any two people rather than between one man and one woman, as state law currently allows. The House had passed the bill Tuesday.

The law is to take effect in mid-September but could be sidetracked before then. Opponents promise to challenge it through a public veto process that could suspend it while a statewide vote takes shape.

Sue Estler, of Orono, said she and her partner of 20 years, Paula Johnson, plan to get married. But she also thinks opponents might collect enough signatures to force the referendum.

A professor at the University of Maine, the 64-year-old Estler said she sent an e-mail to out-of-state friends and family members Wednesday saying “Oh, my god. The governor just signed the bill.”

“But I said, ‘Don’t make your travel plans for the wedding yet. There’s still probably a referendum to go,’” she said.

Legislative debate in Maine was brief. Senate President Elizabeth Mitchell, D-Vassalboro, turned the gavel over to an openly gay member, Sen. Lawrence Bliss, D-South Portland, for the final vote.

Republican Sen. Debra Plowman of Hampden argued that the bill was being passed “at the expense of the people of faith.”

“You are making a decision that is not well-founded,” Plowman warned.

Both states’ bills specify that religious institutions don’t have to recognize same-sex marriages.

The activist group Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders has targeted all six New England states for passage of a gay marriage law by 2012.

Connecticut has enacted a bill after being ordered to allow gay marriages by the courts, and Vermont has passed a bill over the governor’s veto.

Massachusetts’ high court has ordered the state to recognize gay marriages. In Rhode Island, a bill to legalize same-sex marriage has been introduced but is not expected to pass this year.

New England states have acted quickly since gay marriages became law in Massachusetts in 2004 because it’s a small region with porous borders, shared media markets and a largely shared culture, said Carisa Cunningham of the gay defenders group.

Outside New England, Iowa is recognizing gay marriages on court orders. The practice was briefly legal in California before voters banned it.

New Hampshire Rep. David Pierce, who has two daughters with his partner, described telling his 5-year-old that “some people don’t believe we should be a family.”

“When my kids grow up and are old enough to understand what we’re doing here today, I want them to know I did everything I could to fight for our family,” said Pierce, D-Hanover.

La Moves To Bar Same-Sex Couples From Having Names On Birth Certificates

By 365gay Newscenter Staff
05.06.2009 3:20pm EDT

(Baton Rouge, Louisiana) The Louisiana legislature is moving forward with legislation that would bar the state from issuing birth certificates showing two people of the same sex as parents.

The House Health and Welfare Committee has voted 12-3 to send the bill to the full House for a vote. Gov. Bobby Jindal (R) supports the bill.

The measure grew out of a federal lawsuit brought by a gay couple who want their names on the birth certificate of their adopted son.

Oren Adar and Mickey Smith adopted their Louisiana-born son in 2006 in a New York court, where a judge issued an adoption decree.

When Smith attempted to get a new birth certificate for their child so he could add his son to his health insurance, the office of Louisiana State Registrar Darlene Smith told him that Louisiana does not recognize adoption by unmarried parents and so could not issue it.

Lambda Legal filed suit on behalf of Adar and Smith in October 2007, saying that the registrar was violating the Full Faith and Credit Clause of the U.S. Constitution by refusing to recognize the New York adoption. The Constitution holds that judgments and orders issued by a court in one state are legally binding in other states as well.

In December, U.S. District Judge Jay Zainey in New Orleans ordered the state Office of Vital Records to put the names of both fathers on the amended birth certificate.

In his ruling, Zainey said failing to amend the birth certificate violated the U.S. Constitution. Zainey issued the ruling without holding a trial.

In April, the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals put a stay on the ruling to allow the state to appeal.

The 5th Circuit ordered legal briefs to be submitted in the case and the Appeals Court is expected to hear the case later this year.

Attorney General Buddy Caldwell said that the case brings up complex constitutional questions and is likely to end up before the U.S. Supreme Court.

The Supreme Court has ruled previously that there “are some limitations upon the extent to which a state may be required by the full faith and credit clause to enforce even the judgment of another state in contravention of its own statutes or policy.”

Maine Governor Signs Same-Sex Marriage Bill

May 7, 2009
New York Times
By ABBY GOODNOUGH

BOSTON – Gov. John Baldacci of Maine on Wednesday signed a same-sex marriage bill passed by the State Legislature, saying he had reversed his position on such marriages after deciding it was a matter of equal protection under the state’s Constitution.

“I have come to believe that this is a question of fairness and of equal protection under the law,” the governor said in a news release from Augusta, Me., where he announced his decision to sign the bill in a news conference.

Later, in a telephone interview, he said, “It’s not the way I was raised and it’s not the way that I am.” He added: “But at the same time I have a responsibility to uphold the Constitution. That’s my job, and you can’t allow discrimination to stand when it’s raised to your level.”

With the enactment of the Maine bill, gay-rights activists have moved remarkably close to their goal of making same-sex marriage legal throughout New England just five years after Massachusetts became the first state in the nation to allow it.

But gay couples may not be able to wed in Maine anytime soon. The law would normally go into effect 90 days after the Legislature adjourns, which is usually in late June. But opponents have vowed to pursue a “people’s veto,” or a public referendum allowed in Maine to ask voters if they want to overturn the law.

The opponents would need to collect about 55,000 signatures within 90 days of the Legislature adjourning to get the question on the ballot, and if they did, the law would be suspended until a referendum could be held. That would be in November at the earliest, and more likely, in June.

Mr. Baldacci acknowledged the likelihood of a referendum on the issue, saying his enactment of the law may not be “the final word.”

“Just as the Maine Constitution demands that all people are treated equally under the law, it also guarantees that the ultimate political power in the State belongs to the people,” he said in the news release. “While the good and just people of Maine may determine this issue, my responsibility is to uphold the Constitution and do, as best as possible, what is right. I believe that signing this legislation is the right thing to do.”

Mr. Baldacci announced his decision to sign the bill about an hour after the State Senate gave final passage to the bill, which would codify marriage as a legally recognized union of two people regardless of their sex. Under state law he had 10 days to decide whether to sign the bill, veto it or let it become law without his signature.

But Mr. Baldacci, a Democrat who cannot seek reelection due to term limits, said he had already spent considerable time thinking about the issue.

“I have read many of the notes and letters sent to my office, and I have weighed my decision carefully,” he said in the release. “I did not come to this decision lightly or in haste.”

Supporters of same-sex marriage have won victory after victory this spring, with the legislatures of Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine embracing it. Massachusetts let gay couples marry in 2004, and Connecticut began allowing same-sex marriage last fall.

Like Governor Baldacci of Maine, Gov. John Lynch of New Hampshire, also a Democrat, has opposed same-sex marriage but has said he might sign New Hampshire’s bill.

Gov. Jim Douglas, a Republican, vetoed a same-sex marriage bill in Vermont last month, and the Legislature then enacted it after an override. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, also a Republican, vetoed a similar bill in California in 2005.

Supporters of the measures probably do not have enough support to override a veto in New Hampshire.

With the movement enjoying momentum from the string of recent victories — including the Iowa Supreme Court’s decision last month that same-sex marriage should be legal there — Mr. Baldacci faced, and Mr. Lynch faces, considerable pressure from advocates and from their own party, which increasingly supports same-sex marriage.

Mr. Lynch will have five days to make a decision after the bill reaches his desk. Several political observers have guessed that Mr. Lynch, who might run again, would let New Hampshire’s become law without his signature, as state law permits.

After the New Hampshire Senate’s vote last week, Mr. Lynch restated his belief that the state’s two-year-old civil-union law provided sufficient rights and protections to gay couples. But he did not repeat an earlier statement that marriage should be only between a man and a woman.

In California, where the State Supreme Court may rule this week on whether a voter-approved ban on same-sex marriage is constitutional, gay-rights advocates are optimistic even though many expect the ruling to uphold the ban.

The next state to debate same-sex marriage will probably be New York. Gov. David A. Paterson, a Democrat, introduced a marriage bill last month and the State Assembly, which strongly supports it, will probably take it up next week. The bill’s fate in the Senate is less certain.

In Maine, the Democratically controlled House voted 89 to 57 for the bill on Tuesday; the State Senate, also dominated by Democrats, approved the bill last week in a 21-to-14 vote. .

The Roman Catholic Diocese of Portland was among the groups lobbying Mr. Baldacci, a Catholic, to veto the bill, as was the Maine Family Policy Council, an affiliate of the Family Research Council in Washington.

The House chamber in Augusta was thick with emotion on Tuesday as many legislators openly wept and revealed personal details. One told her colleagues for the first time that she has a lesbian daughter; another wept as he explained that he, as a white man, would not have been able to marry his wife of 25 years, who is black, if a law had not been changed. Other legislators spoke of sleepless nights debating how to vote.

While the Iowa decision gave supporters of same-sex marriage an important first victory in the nation’s heartland and a few other states are considering legislation this year, New England remains the nucleus of the movement. Gay-rights groups here have been raising money, training volunteers and lobbying voters and lawmakers as part of a campaign called Six by Twelve.

The region’s strong libertarian bent helps explain why the issue has found support. And voters in some New England states cannot initiate constitutional amendments, a strategy for blocking same-sex marriage elsewhere, although Maine does have its “people’s veto.” A Rhode Island bill is unlikely to be acted on soon; proponents believe its chances will improve in 2011, after Gov. Donald L. Carcieri, a Republican who opposes same-sex marriage, leaves office.

“We are closer than we thought we would be, although not closer than we hoped we would be,” said Lee Swislow, executive director of Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders, the group leading the New England campaign. Pointing out that May 17 is the fifth anniversary of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts, Ms. Swislow added, “New England is such a small region that people have been able to see it’s good for everyone.”

Washington Acts on Marriages

The Council of the District of Columbia on Tuesday overwhelmingly approved a bill that recognizes same-sex marriages performed in other states.

The measure now goes to Mayor Adrian M. Fenty, who has said he supports it. The committees in the House and Senate that oversee the District of Columbia would then have 30 session days to review the law. If Congress does not act within 30 days, the law will automatically take effect.

Katie Zezima contributed reporting from Augusta, Me.

Welcome to Our Blog

Hi Everyone , 

My name is Amy and my partner is Maria. We would like to Welcome you to our blog. We have alot of great stories to share with you. We hope that you will ask lots of questions. 

Amy and Maria