Long Island Pride Parade now more ‘family oriented’

Newsday.com

BY LAURA RIVERA

laura.rivera@newsday.com

10:33 PM EDT, June 14, 2009

Some grooved to the beat of pulsating house music, tossing beaded necklaces to giddy children on the sidewalk.

Others advocated for same-sex marriage, chanting, “Equality now!” and carrying banners promoting their cause.

Hundreds of marchers wound down Main Street in Huntington Sunday for the 19th annual Long Island Pride Parade, a celebration that drew more families and faith groups than divas in drag.

“We like that it’s more family-oriented,” said Lauren Malin, 26, of East Islip, who came with her partner, Angela Reteguiz, 26, and Malin’s niece Jade, 2, who is their goddaughter. “We can bring our niece and show her tolerance at an early age.”

Some 32 organizations represented diverse constituencies in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender communities – from churches and youth groups to service providers and gay law enforcement officers.

Five grand marshals led the parade, including the Long Island Community Fellowship, an interdenominational congregation that ministers to gays, and Outlook of Long Island, a gay publication.

Among the three individuals who also served as grand marshals were Juli Owens, who as chairwoman of the Long Island Transgender Advocacy Coalition is pushing for the passage of legislation to make transgender men and women a protected class under the law; and Bill Hahn, a board member of the Long Island Gay and Lesbian Film Festival who is active in other groups.

Like many participants and attendees, Hahn spoke of same-sex marriage as the civil rights issue of this generation. “There’s over 1,000 rights that married people get that gay union couples do not get,” he said. “It’s not a religious thing, it’s a civil thing.”

Eva Sanchez, a former parade director and longtime partner of the fifth grand marshal, who was named posthumously, has lived through that scenario.

When Rosie Sanchez was struck by a car near their Lindenhurst home last year, Eva ran to her aid and held her until she died.

When she tried to claim Rosie’s purse at the hospital, or make arrangements for her funeral, Sanchez found her word came second to Rosie’s mother’s, because the couple had not legally married.

“I went from loving partner of 22 years to stranger who needed permission every step of the way,” said Sanchez, 51. “That’s when it really hits home.”

in In the News  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Homecoming

“Goodnight Jim Bob.”
“Goodnight Mary Ellen.”

“Goodnight John Boy.”
I was 10 years old when I first heard this famous TV sign-off. The television show I’m referring to, “The Waltons,” premiered in 1972 and told the sappy-sweet story of a dirt-poor family in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. I couldn’t help but wonder why my family wasn’t more like theirs. I didn’t have six siblings or live-in grandparents like the Waltons, but that wasn’t it. I had shoes to wear and food to eat when I was hungry, unlike the Waltons, but that wasn’t it.
Oh yeah, there weren’t any gay children on “The Waltons,” or at least none that was out.
While my understanding of my own sexuality was a layered and often painful evolution, my understanding of family was always present for me, even as a confused gay kid. I knew that my family loved me and I knew that it was the one place where I could find solace in a turbulent world. The normal fears of coming to terms with same-sex attraction certainly existed but the trepidation of losing my family’s love somehow didn’t torment me when I was young.
I know… I am the exception to the rule.
Not only have I grown into a “family awareness,” but also my husband Gary and I have helped our families to learn about love through sharing our relationship with them. The culmination was their participation in our wedding last summer in Montreal. Until recently, I thought that was as good as our families’ participation in our lives could get. I was wrong.
About four years ago, Gary started talking to our lesbian friends about helping them create their families through the gift of sperm donation. It wasn’t until we met Alicia and Leslie three years ago that our willingness to make this offer became a reality. After long discussion and really careful consideration, we decided to take the leap of faith. Now, I’m a donor dad and I couldn’t be prouder.
Our daughter Piper is now 10 months old and this past weekend, Alicia, Leslie, Gary, Piper, and I went to West Virginia to introduce Gary’s parents and my whole family to our baby. I was nervous, Xanax-nervous, about the weekend. Seventeen relatives were all converging on my mom’s house to experience something that they had never encountered before, a nontraditional family in every sense of the word.
As each member of our family met Piper, they couldn’t help but fall in love. Children have that uncanny ability to disarm people’s misconceptions or suppositions about a situation. They had all heard about what Alicia, Leslie, Gary, and I had done, but it didn’t mean anything to them until they met Piper. Holding her in their arms and seeing how much her two moms and her two dads loved her changed everything.
The initial questions like, “Who is the real mom?” and “Do you and Gary have any rights?,” turned into, “When are we going to see her again?” and “Can I feed her now?” While Gary’s family and mine have grown to respect our love for one another, they instantly loved Piper, and her moms.
Having children is something that the LGBT community hasn’t always considered an option. Establishing safety for the children and for the parents legally has been a real obstacle. Two decades ago, lesbian mothers seeking reproductive assistance to have families without fathers were forced to undergo psychiatric evaluations. The anti-equality opposition has long used children in their campaign against us, saying that gay people recruit or, worse, are uncontrollable pedophiles. As we prove them wrong, and the world gets to meet our children, those ugly false claims reveal themselves for what they are—desperate attempts to mislead.
Sitting on the porch with my brother-in-law discussing the world, I realized just how important it was to bring Piper home to meet the families. Every parent can relate to the joys, trials, heartaches, and transformations inherent in raising a child. While we will inevitably hear from our detractors that we are exploiting our children for political purposes, I now understood why sharing our families with the world is so important.
When I was 10, I thought that the Waltons were the perfect family. While sitting on my mom’s porch in the Blue Ridge Mountains of West Virginia this past weekend, my concept of perfection changed radically. Whether your family has children or not or whether someone’s partnered or not, if love is present, it’s still family.
“Goodnight Alicia.”
“Goodnight Gary.”
“Goodnight Leslie.”
“Goodnight Piper.”

By Anthony M. Brown, Published 6.14.06, Gay City News

Anthony M. Brown served as research assistant to Nan Hunter, founder of the Gay and Lesbian Project at the ACLU and helped prepare the brief for the Lawrence v. Texas sodomy case while interning at Lambda Legal in 2002. Brown heads up Nontraditional Family and Estates Law at the law firm of McKenna, Siracusano & Chianese and is on The Wedding Party’s board. He can be reached at: Brown@msclaw.net.

in Family Stories / Personal Stories  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Surrogacy and Medi-Cal Insurance

Submitted by stephaniec on Thu, 06/11/2009 – ProudParenting.com

This past week I received a telephone call from a surrogate who wanted to know if it was legal for her to use her insurance for her surrogacy. She and the Intended Parent were using a contract that he found on the Internet. The surrogate seemed to think this was okay because he is attending law school so he is an attorney. I explained to her that until he passed the Bar and obtains his license, he is not an attorney. “Oh” and then “well” was her response.

She then told me that her husband is in construction so they are on Medi-Cal (the state of California’s low-income insurance plan) so they are going to have two contracts. One that states that the Surrogate is not receiving a fee, which they will send to Medi-Cal as proof that she is doing the surrogacy for no fee and then an amendment that states the fees she will be receiving. She then asked “Is that legal?”

“No. That is insurance fraud and if the insurance company that administers your plan finds out you and your family will lose your insurance, at the very least.” I then told her to hire an attorney to protect herself and that if she wants to hire me I would charge more than my going rate because a contract found off the Internet is going to require a lot of work. I also told her to not use her Medi-Cal insurance and that the Intended Parent needs to purchase her insurance to cover the surrogate pregnancy. Frankly, I think she somehow expected me to say something different.

Insurance companies are very, very serious about insurance fraud, especially regarding surrogacy. Medi-Cal insurance does not usually have a surrogacy exclusion so as long as the surrogacy is truly altruistic and there is no compensation paid to the surrogate and the insurance does not exclude a surrogate pregnancy, it is appropriate to use it. But, absolutely not in this surrogate’s case. I wish her the best of luck as I’m afraid she’s going to need it.

in Issue Forum / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Birth certificates to reflect New York state gay-marriage move

Sat, 12/13/2008 – 12:29pm by Jeff of ProudParenting.com

The AP reports that New York state officials will now let married same-sex couples list both their names on their children’s birth certificates.

The decision, which echoes similar provisions in states that allow gay marriages or civil unions, is one of many changes since Gov. David Paterson ordered state agencies in May to respect out-of-state gay marriages.

The state Health Department said Friday it had agreed to the change, which came after a lesbian couple who are expecting a baby filed a lawsuit. The change would apply statewide except in New York City, which is considering revamping its own birth certificate forms to accommodate same-sex couples.

Under state law, a woman’s husband is automatically deemed a parent of a child the pair conceives through artificial insemination, whether or not he is the genetic father. Gay couples have complained about having to jump through legal hoops to secure equivalent parental rights.

Carolyn Trzeciak and Nina Sheldon Trzeciak of Ulster County, who got married in Canada in 2006, sued last month. Nina Sheldon Trzeciak is carrying their first child, conceived through in vitro fertilization.

The couple argued they both should be designated as parents under Paterson’s directive. The governor told state agencies to make sure policies and regulations treat married same-sex couples equally, saying a recent court ruling suggests they would otherwise risk discrimination claims.

Gay couples may be able to secure a second parent’s rights through adoption. But having their names on a child’s birth certificate immediately gives both spouses such rights as nursery visits and information on the child’s medical condition, the lawsuit said.

“That gives them equal treatment,” said the Trzeciaks’ lawyer, Melissa B. Brisman of Park Ridge, N.J.

The Health Department said in a statement that it had been exploring how to apply Paterson’s directive to birth certificates for some time but arranged a quick resolution for the couple because the baby was due Friday.

Massachusetts is now the only U.S. state that allows gay marriages; California briefly did until voters banned it last month. Some other states let same-sex couples enter into civil unions that offer some of marriage’s legal advantages.

States that allow gay marriage or civil unions have made provisions for birth certificates to list both partners’ names, said Susan Sommer, senior counsel for the gay rights advocacy group Lambda Legal. It was not involved in the Trzeciak case.

While the group urges couples to cement both parents’ rights through an adoption or other court order, Sommer said getting the names of both parents on the birth certificate is a great help to the children.

The Alliance Defense Fund, a conservative legal organization based in Scottsdale, Ariz., is challenging various attempts to extend spousal rights to gay couples in New York. In September, a Bronx judge threw out the group’s challenge to Paterson’s directive; the organization is appealing.

The alliance argues that only the Legislature, not the governor, has authority to recognize out-of-state gay marriages.

in Adoption / Estate Planning / Second Parent Adoption  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Recession spurs egg and sperm donations

Giving provides extra income

By Bella English, Boston Globe Staff  |  April 7, 2009

Charitable donations may be down because of the recession, but another type of donation is up for the very same reason: egg and sperm.

More women are trying to make money by offering their eggs to infertile couples, and men are doing the same with their sperm. Egg donor agencies in the Boston area report that their applications are up from between 25 and 100 percent over this time a year ago, and New England sperm banks have seen a similiar trend in the past six months.

“What we’ve seen is that the economy seems to have inspired more people to look at alternative ways to earning money,” said Sanford M. Benardo, president of Northeast Assisted Fertility Group, a company that recruits, screens, and matches women who want to become egg donors or surrogate mothers. “We’re seeing people who might not otherwise do this but for their economic condition.”

At Benardo’s agency, which has offices in Boston and New York, applications from women who want to offer their eggs have doubled in the past year, with the bulk coming in the past six months. If a woman meets the agency’s criteria, she earns $10,000 every time she donates. (Technically, the women are compensated for their time and inconvenience; it is illegal to sell one’s eggs.)

But there’s a paradox: At the same time donor applications are up, demand for donors is down.

“Fewer folks are in a financial position to access this family-building option,” said Amy Demma, founder of Prospective Families, an egg donation agency in Wellesley. “So while there are certainly more women [donors] lined up outside the clinic door with application in hand, there aren’t more getting through the door.”

Said Benardo: “It’s almost like an employment agency flooded with resumes but people aren’t hiring so much.”

Couples, and some single women, pay $20,000 to $30,000 for an egg donation, in vitro fertilization, and transfer to the recipient. Donors generally must be healthy nonsmokers between ages 21 and 32 with a good family health history, “reasonably educated and reasonably attractive,” Benardo said. Screening involves physical, psychological, and genetic testing. If accepted, the woman undergoes hormone injections, then a surgical procedure to remove her eggs. Fees paid to the donor generally range from $5,000 to $10,000. Recipients choose prescreened donors.

“This is not easy money,” said Kathy Benardo, the egg donor program manager for the company she runs with her husband. “You can’t make a living doing this, but it helps supplement your income if you’re doing part-time work or in graduate school.”

Hollyn Robinson did three donations last year and has another coming up in May. Her first was done through an agency in Springfield, which paid her $5,000. Her second and third were through a New York agency, which paid her $5,500 and $6,000, respectively. For her next one, she is going through Prospective Families in Wellesley, which will pay her $6,000. The money, she said, will go toward car payments and bedroom furniture for her children.

Robinson, who lives in Binghamton, N.Y., but plans to relocate to Westborough with her family, has three sons, ages 12, 6, and 3. For her, money was a motivator but not the only one. “This last year it definitely took a toll on my body,” said Robinson, 32. “I’m the kind of person who really doesn’t want to say no.”

Demma’s agency has seen a 30 percent increase in donor applications in the past year. Some are stay-at-home mothers, some are young women who want to help finance graduate school. But she said there’s also an altruistic motive, with fertile women wanting to enter into “collaborative reproduction” with those who have been unable to have a baby.

Ellen Sarasohn Glazer, a Newton social worker and author of “Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation,” cautions donors against doing it solely for the money.

“There’s a much greater risk of looking back with regret,” she said. “They should really pause at the starting point and say, ‘How might I feel 10 or 15 years from now? How will my parents feel, because this is their grandchild?’ ”

Still, Glazer says she understands that in a recession, a mother with children to feed may be more motivated to donate: “She might say it’s worth it to feed my children and help a family at the same time.”

The Donor Source, which is based in Irvine, Calif., and has a Boston office, has experienced a 25 percent increase in applications in the past year, with most coming in the past six months. The local office recently held a seminar for prospective donors.

“I usually do seminars at the office, but we’ve had so many applications that I actually rented a big space in a hotel,” said Sheryl Steinberg, the Massachusetts case manager.

In Charlestown, NEEDS (National Exchange for Egg Donation and Surrogacy) also reports a 25 percent increase. “Very few of them will say just straight out it’s for the money,” said NEEDS manager Jan Lee. “They don’t want to sound like a money-grabber. We ask them if they’re applying because they need the money or out of the goodness of their heart, and they say both.”

At Tufts Medical Center, Dr. John Buster, chief of reproductive endocrinology, said the donor agencies that his department uses for infertile couples have reported a doubling and even tripling of phone calls from potential donors.

Dr. Vito Cardone, founder of Cardone Reproductive Medicine & Infertility, a fertility clinic in Stoneham, said the weak economy undoubtedly has broadened the pool of egg donors. One prospective recipient, who has advertised for donors, told him that a few months ago she had few replies but now has many.

Cardone cautions against women seeing this as a gold mine.

“The money that’s given is limited; it’s not going to be something to create a yearly revenue to get them through life,” he said.

He believes in compensating women for their time and trouble but said there needs to be “some ethics to it” – both an altruistic motive and a monetary limit.

“When I see people who want to ‘sell’ their eggs for $20,000 or more it makes no sense, because then it becomes commercial, like selling any other thing,” he said. “There has to be a little bit of kindness, because these couples have had a lot of hardship and desire a child very strongly.”

But economic reality remains a major motivator. One single, 24-year-old woman who lives in New York and works in advertising recently applied to be an egg donor, after a friend did so. The woman, who asked not to be identified because she doesn’t want friends and relatives to know her plans, said she is amazed at the money to be made.

“It made me sit up and take notice,” she said. “I’m looking to go to graduate school and hoping to use this to help finance that.”

Sperm donations are also on the increase, although they pay much less – an average of $85 to $100 per donation. Such “banks” generally require that the donor be at least 5-foot-8, a college student or graduate between the ages of 18 and 38, and in good health.

California Cryobank, which has offices in Cambridge, recruits largely on college campuses and asks each donor for a year’s commitment, with the average donor contributing 2-3 times a week.

In the past six months, applications are up 20 percent, said Scott Brown, communications manager. “I think the recession has certainly opened up interest,” he said. But less than 1 percent of applicants are chosen, based on family history, a physical exam, and analyses of blood, urine, and semen. “It’s tougher to get into the Cryobank than into Harvard,” Brown said.

in In the News / IVF  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

How many singles seek to adopt?

 

  1. •According to the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, 33% of children adoption from Foster Care is by a single parent (U.S. DHHS, 2000).

  2. •Research in the 1970s found that an estimated .5% to 4% of persons completing adoptions were single. Studies in the 1980s found from 8% to 34% of adopters were single. (Stolley, 1993)

  3. •Across the country the number of single parent placements slowly and steadily continues toincrease, both in domestic and intercountry adoption.(Feigelman and Silverman, 1993)

 

who are they?

  1. •Most single adoptive parents are female, are most likely to adopt older children than infants, and are less likely to have been a foster parent to the adopted child (Stolley, 1993)

  2. •Single parent applicants are self-selective. Most applicants have high levels of emotional maturity and high capacity for frustration, and are independent but linked to a supportive network of relatives. (Branham, 1970)

  3. •As a group, the single parent adopters of U.S. children tended to adopt “special needs” children who were older, minority, and/or handicapped children. (Feigelman and Silverman, 1997)

 

what research has been conducted?

  1. •In a study undertaken by the Los Angeles Department of Adoptions, researchers found that single parents tended to havemore difficulties in completing their adoptions. Thirty-nine percent had made three or more previous attempts to adopt, compared to only 18 percent among the couples. (Feigelman and Silverman, 1997)

  2. •In 1983, Feigelman and Silverman recontacted 60% of the single-parent respondents from their earlier study in 1977. Six years after the initial study, the adjustment of children raised by single parents remained similar to that of children raised by adoptive couples. (Groze and Rosenthal, 1991)

  3. •Groze and Rosenthal conducted a study that reports on the responses from parents in three midwestern states who had finalized their adoption of a special-needs child before 1988. The sample included 122 single-parents and 651 two-parent families. Researchers found that comparisons of single-parent homes to two-parent homes showed that children in single-parent families experienced fewer problems. (Groze and Rosenthal, 1991)

  4. •In the same study, research found that single-parent families were more likely than two-parent families to evaluate the adoption’s impact as being very positive. (Groze and Rosenthal, 1991)

 

bibliography

Branham, E. (1970). One-parent adoptions. Children, 17(3), 103-107.

Feigelman, W. and Silverman, A.R. (1997). Single parent adoption. In:The Handbook for Single Adoptive Parents, Chevy Chase, MD: National Council for Single Adoptive Parents. 123-129.

Groze, V.K. and Rosenthal, J.A. (1991). Single parents and their adopted children: a psychosocial analysis. The Journal of Contemporary Human Services, 130-139.

Stolley, K.S. (1993). Statistics on adoption in the United States. The Future of Children: Adoption, 3(1), 26-42.

Credits: Child Welfare Information Gateway (http://www.childwelfare.gov)

http://statistics.adoption.com/information/adoption-statistics-single-parents.html

in Adoption  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Adoption Terminology

Whether you are a prospective biological parent or prospective adoptive parent exploring adoption, you will encounter many terms with which you may not be familiar.  We have set forth below some of the more frequently used adoption terminology.  We have also included “positive” adoption language so that in the event you choose adoption, you will help to reinforce right from the beginning that adoption is a loving choice for biological parents and an acceptable way for adoptive parent to create their family.

TERMS
Adoptee – A person who joins a family by adoption.

Adoption – A permanent, legally binding arrangement whereby persons other than the biological parents parent the child.

Adoption Agency – An organization that is licensed by a particular state to educate and prepare families to adopt children and to do all the necessary legal, administrative and social work to ensure that adoptions are in the best interests of the children.

Adoption Order – The document issued by the court upon finalization of an adoption, stating that the adoptee is the legal child of the adoptive parents.

Adoption Plan – The unique, individual plan a particular set of biological parents makes for the adoption of their child.

Adoptive Parent(s) – A person or persons who become the permanent parents with all the social, legal rights and responsibilities incumbent upon any parent.

Birth certificate – When a child is born a certified document indicates the birth information of a person including mother’s and father’s name and the name given to the child at the time of birth.  Once the adoption is finalized, the original birth certificate is amended reflecting the adoptive parents as the child’s parents and the original birth certificate is sealed and in many states remains confidential.

Birth father – The biological father of a child.

Birth grandparents – The biological grandparents of a child.

Birth mother – The biological mother of a child who made an adoption plan for the child and subsequently relinquished the child for adoption.

Birth parents – The parents who conceived a child, made an adoption plan for the child and subsequently relinquished their parental rights to the child and created an adoption plan.   Also referred to as the biological parents.

Confidential Adoption – An adoption where there is no contact between biological parents and adoptive parents.  Sometimes referred to as a closed adoption.

Domestic Adoption – An adoption that involves adoptive parents and a child that are permanent residents of the United States.

Employer Adoption Benefit Package – Adoption benefits provided to employees as part of an employer-sponsored benefit program, which are included within their employment compensation package.

Facilitator – An individual that is not licensed as an adoption agency or licensed as an attorney, and who is engaged in the matching of biological parents with adoptive parents. 

Finalization – The court hearing that results in the adoption order. This is the moment when the adoptee becomes the permanent, legally adopted child of the adoptive parents. 

Homestudy – A three-part process required before a child can be placed with a family for foster care or adoption: (1) Written portion includes autobiographies, references, medical reports, financial statements, child abuse and criminal clearances and other written materials; (2) Social work process includes a series of visits in the applicants’ home to discuss a variety of issues from the applicants’ backgrounds to their motivations to adopt and their understanding of adoption and parenting; (3) Educational process includes training in adoption and parenting issues. The end result of this process is a written document completed by a licensed agency giving a summary of the applicants’ family life. This document indicates approval of the applicants for adoption. In most states it must be updated annually.

Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC) – If a child is born in a state other than where the prospective adoptive parents reside, the Interstate Compact of both the baby’s home state and the prospective adoptive parents’ home state must give their approval before the child travels (for the purpose of adoption) to the state where the prospective adoptive parents reside. In an interstate adoption, the agency with custody of the child is responsible for processing the interstate paperwork.

Match or Matching – The process of bringing together qualified prospective adoptive parents and willing biological parents, who by choice choose to explore the compatibility of each other and who can agree on the terms under which the adoptive parents can adopt the child. 

Open Adoption – An open adoption is full disclosure of identifying information between the biological parents and the adoptive parents. Both the adoptive parents and biological parents agree upon the amount of contact following the placement of the child.

Placement – A term used to describe the point in time when the child comes to live with the adoptive parents in their home.

Revocation of Consent – When a biological parent revokes the consent they had signed to an adoption and requests that the child be returned to his/her custody.

Semi-Open Adoption – A semi-open adoption occurs when the potential biological mother or biological families experience non-identifying interaction with the adoptive family. In most cases, the interaction is facilitated by a third party who is usually an adoption agency or adoption attorney.

Surrender – The legal document signed by the biological parents in which they place their child with an adoption agency who in turn places the child with the adoptive family that the biological parents choose.

Tax Credit (Adoption) – A tax credit for qualifying expenses paid to adopt an eligible child. The adoption credit is an amount subtracted from the adoptive parents’ tax liability.

in Adoption  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Support Same Sex Marriage Equality

As many of you know or may not know. There is a huge battle being fought by Gay America against Proposition 8. It is so important to educate yourself on what you can do to help and what outlets exist.
Some great websites exist.
One being www.hrc.org they have alot of helpful information.
I also recently discovered this website http:/equalityvideos.org
If you have a moment please check it out, there are so many inspiring videos. You can also upload your own story.
Remember do the right thing, talk about, pass it on and take action.
Until next time.

in Uncategorized  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

At Last, Facing Down Bullies (and Their Enablers)

June 9, 2009
18 and Under
New York Times – By PERRI KLASS, M.D.

 

Back in the 1990s, I did a physical on a boy in fifth or sixth grade at a Boston public school. I asked him his favorite subject: definitely science; he had won a prize in a science fair, and was to go on and compete in a multischool fair.

The problem was, there were some kids at school who were picking on him every day about winning the science fair; he was getting teased and jostled and even, occasionally, beaten up. His mother shook her head and wondered aloud whether life would be easier if he just let the science fair thing drop.

Bullying elicits strong and highly personal reactions; I remember my own sense of outrage and identification. Here was a highly intelligent child, a lover of science, possibly a future (fill in your favorite genius), tormented by brutes. Here’s what I did for my patient: I advised his mother to call the teacher and complain, and I encouraged him to pursue his love of science.

And here are three things I now know I should have done: I didn’t tell the mother that bullying can be prevented, and that it’s up to the school. I didn’t call the principal or suggest that the mother do so. And I didn’t give even a moment’s thought to the bullies, and what their lifetime prognosis might be.

In recent years, pediatricians and researchers in this country have been giving bullies and their victims the attention they have long deserved — and have long received in Europe. We’ve gotten past the “kids will be kids” notion that bullying is a normal part of childhood or the prelude to a successful life strategy. Research has described long-term risks — not just to victims, who may be more likely than their peers to experience depression and suicidal thoughts, but to the bullies themselves, who are less likely to finish school or hold down a job.

Next month, the American Academy of Pediatrics will publish the new version of an official policy statement on the pediatrician’s role in preventing youth violence. For the first time, it will have a section on bullying — including a recommendation that schools adopt a prevention model developed by Dan Olweus, a research professor of psychology at the University of Bergen, Norway, who first began studying the phenomenon of school bullying in Scandinavia in the 1970s. The programs, he said, “work at the school level and the classroom level and at the individual level; they combine preventive programs and directly addressing children who are involved or identified as bullies or victims or both.”

Dr. Robert Sege, chief of ambulatory pediatrics at Boston Medical Center and a lead author of the new policy statement, says the Olweus approach focuses attention on the largest group of children, the bystanders. “Olweus’s genius,” he said, “is that he manages to turn the school situation around so the other kids realize that the bully is someone who has a problem managing his or her behavior, and the victim is someone they can protect.”

The other lead author, Dr. Joseph Wright, senior vice president at Children’s National Medical Center in Washington and the chairman of the pediatrics academy’s committee on violence prevention, notes that a quarter of all children report that they have been involved in bullying, either as bullies or as victims. Protecting children from intentional injury is a central task of pediatricians, he said, and “bullying prevention is a subset of that activity.”

By definition, bullying involves repetition; a child is repeatedly the target of taunts or physical attacks — or, in the case of so-called indirect bullying (more common among girls), rumors and social exclusion. For a successful anti-bullying program, the school needs to survey the children and find out the details — where it happens, when it happens.

Structural changes can address those vulnerable places — the out-of-sight corner of the playground, the entrance hallway at dismissal time.

Then, Dr. Sege said, “activating the bystanders” means changing the culture of the school; through class discussions, parent meetings and consistent responses to every incident, the school must put out the message that bullying will not be tolerated.

So what should I ask at a checkup? How’s school, who are your friends, what do you usually do at recess? It’s important to open the door, especially with children in the most likely age groups, so that victims and bystanders won’t be afraid to speak up. Parents of these children need to be encouraged to demand that schools take action, and pediatricians probably need to be ready to talk to the principal. And we need to follow up with the children to make sure the situation gets better, and to check in on their emotional health and get them help if they need it.

How about helping the bullies, who are, after all, also pediatric patients? Some experts worry that schools simply suspend or expel the offenders without paying attention to helping them and their families learn to function in a different way.

“Zero-tolerance policies that school districts have are basically pushing the debt forward,” Dr. Sege said. “We need to be more sophisticated.”

The way we understand bullying has changed, and it’s probably going to change even more. (I haven’t even talked about cyberbullying, for example.) But anyone working with children needs to start from the idea that bullying has long-term consequences and that it is preventable.

I would still feel that same anger on my science-fair-winning patient’s behalf, but I would now see his problem as a pediatric issue — and I hope I would be able to offer a little more help, and a little more follow-up, appropriately based in scientific research.

in In the News / Parenting  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Fla. Bar support in gay adoption case upheld

By The Associated Press

06.04.2009 1:34pm EDT

(Tallahassee, Fl.)  The state Supreme Court has rejected a challenge to the Florida Bar’s right to oppose the state’s ban on gay adoption.

Liberty Counsel, a faith-based legal group, had asked the high court to prohibit the bar’s Family Law Section from filing a friend of the court brief in an appellate court that was considering Florida’s ban of adoptions by homosexuals. The justices ruled 5-2 in the case on Thursday.

The bar brief supported a trial judge’s ruling that declared the ban unconstitutional. That decision is on appeal to the 3rd District Court of Appeal in Miami.

The high court majority ruled Liberty Counsel failed to show the brief violated its constitutional rights or that the bar broke its own rules.

in Adoption / Legal  by Anthony Brown 0 comments