My Son Charlie

My son Charlie was an ordinary man who lived an ordinary life. But to his family and friends, he was extraordinary. The fact that he was gay was only a part of who he was, what was really extraordinary about him was that he was funny, and had a big heart. He was a man that could make you laugh until tears rolled down your face, and when he befriended you, he loved you wholly and completely and his loyalty had no boundaries. Just when Charlie had found someone whom he really loved and wanted to spend his life with, he died rather tragically. One minute this large wonderful man was with us, and the next minute he was gone, leaving this gaping hole in our lives so palpable you could practically fall into it. I was lucky that Tom, Charlie’s boyfriend, was able to share with me that in the hours before the car accident that would take his life, Charlie and him were together talking and kissing and telling each other how lucky they were to have found each other. It gave me great comfort to know that Charlie’s last hours were spent with the man that he really loved, and that Charlie realized he was loved in return. And you know, had he lived, I would have gladly planned his wedding (which would have drove him crazy) and proudly stood up for him at the church as he recited his wedding vows. But I never got the chance. I would give anything for my son to be with me here today and to walk him down the aisle and celebrate the fact that I raised a child that was able to love another person. Life can be hard, and as I learned, life can be very tragic, and if you can find someone who can love you and support you through not only the good times, but the really hard times as well, then you are very, very fortunate. Love between two people, any two people should be celebrated because it really is a miracle that we find each other at all.

There’s a quote that I feel really resonates with my feelings on this: We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness’.” This is true for everyone, and trust me, this is not just reserved for heterosexual marriage. It’s true for all marriages. When you love someone and decide to commit your life to them, you are saying that you will witness and validate their very existence. To deny any two people this gift is unforgivable.

Elizabeth Grosse
New York

Click here to visit Charlie’s virtual memorial.

Marriage for NY Gay Families Hinges on State Senate

malcolmsmithby Kilian Melloy
EDGE Staff Reporter
Tuesday May 12, 2009

With a bill to legalize marriage equality expected to sail through the New York State Assembly, the real question becomes whether the measure can clear the state Senate.

In 2007, well before last year’s election brought a majority of Democrats to the state Senate, the Assembly had passed a marriage equality bill that was never allowed to come up for a vote under the Senate’s then-Republican leadership.

Now, even though the Democrats narrowly dominate the Senate, the outcome is far from certain: for one thing, any successful legislation needs 32 votes to pass the state Senate, and there are exactly 32 Democrats in that lawmaking body, a situation that The New York Times profiled in a May 10 article.

The result has been instances of legislative gridlock, because small groups of lawmakers, or even individuals, can derail important pieces of legislation if they don’t get concessions or provisions they want, the article noted, quoting Senate Speaker Malcolm A. Smith.

Smith said that when it comes to getting laws passed, “It’s not about [the] merit [of the legislation]. It’s just about what gets us there with the votes that we need to get it passed.”

Commenting on the makeup of the state Senate, Assemblyman Richard L. Brodsky noted, “When you require 32 people to do anything, and you only have 32 people, I don’t care if you’re the New York State Senate or the catering committee for the junior prom: nothing is going to get done easily.

“The Democrats will adjust and do a good job, but it’s going to take some time,” Brodsky added.

By contrast, Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver, with a more definite Democratic majority, “has 60 members he can let off the hook, said Smith.

Smith added that the makeup of the Assembly allows Silver to “pontificate, he can change his mind, he can dance, he can sit still.

“Because at the end of the day, he has 60 or 70 members that don’t have to stand up and take a position on anything.”

Bills relating to issues such as transportation are now getting caught up in the Senate; when it comes to marriage equality, which does not enjoy the support of all Democrats, the situation is even more sticky. As noted in an EDGE article from April 14, the long-ruling paradigm in New York politics is that state lawmaking comes down to a de facto triune: the Governor and the heads of the Assembly and the Senate.

Noted the EDGE article, “The old Senate head was implacably opposed to gay marriage. The new one, Malcolm Smith of Queens, is vocal in his support.

“The leader of the Assembly, Sheldon Silver, is a practicing Orthodox Jew. But the area he represents, the Lower East Side of Manhattan, is one of the most liberal, and Silver is nothing if not politically astute; he has implied he will do nothing to oppose the measure.

“The problem is in the Senate. Although there is a Democratic majority, at least two if not three Democrats are so opposed to gay marriage that it became the major sticking point in the election of Smith to head the body after last year’s election.”

Added the EDGE item, “Paterson had indicated earlier that the state’s budget crisis prevailed over any social engineering. But Vermont (and Iowa) changed all that.

“Today, the wind appears to be behind the back of marriage advocates,” EDGE noted, though that will depend on how many Republicans favor marriage equality as much as whether all Democrats will support it.

Indeed, not all state Senate Democrats do support marriage rights for gay and lesbian families. Senator Rubén Díaz Sr., is vocally opposed to marriage equality, to the point of partaking in anti-marriage rallies; as for the other side of the aisle, one Republican has voiced support for family equality, according to a May 3 article in New York Magazine which named that GOP senator as James S. Alesi.

New York Magazine estimates that the measure lacks six votes to clear the Senate, though the article also cites GLBT equality group Empire State Pride Agenda as speculating that four Democrats (of seven who are opposed to marriage equality) might be prevailed upon to change their minds.

The group’s executive director, Alan Van Capelle, noted that state lawmakers had had a change of heart in the past; “So we know that when we do the work that needs to be done, which includes giving the facts and telling our stories, people can change their minds,” the article quoted Van Capelle as saying.

As far as Republicans who might come to support the right of gays and lesbian families to enter into legal civil marriage, the New York Magazine article said, there’s speculation that Sen. Thomas P. Morahan and Sen. Kemp Hannon might be persuaded to support equal rights for all New York families.

Moreover, a number of Republican state senators have not given any indication on way or another.

A May 9 article in The New York Times noted that state Sen. Vincent L. Leibell has stated that he would support civil unions, but also acknowledged that “society changes over time,” while Sen. James S. Alesi noted, “My public opinion has not been stated yet, and it probably won’t be for a while.”

The decibels surrounding the issue are rising, but marriage equality supporters have reason for optimism, the New York Times article said: for one thing, Sen. Dean G. Skelos, the Senate minority leader, has given Republican senators leave to vote as they see fit, rather than insisting that they toe a party line.

“Republican legislators will be free to vote their conscience on this issue, without pressure,” the article quoted Log Cabin Republicans adviser Jeff Cook as saying.

Added Cook, “And we know if people vote their hearts on this issue, we will win.”

However, those determined to prevent gay and lesbian families from attaining equal access to civil marriage have hardly given up the battle. Anti-gay group the National Organization for Marriage, which supported Proposition 8, the California voter initiative that stripped marriage rights from gay and lesbian families, is working to block passage of the bill.

The article quoted NOM executive director Brian S. Brown as saying, “right now they don’t have the votes in the Senate to pass same-sex marriage.

“And as long as we’re able to connect with voters and have them connect with their senators, then marriage will remain the union of a man and a woman in New York.”

For some senators, lobbying is beside the point: their minds are made up.

Democrat George Onorato made his stance plain, saying of gay and lesbian families, “They can have all the other privileges, but not marriage.”

For others, however, interaction with constituents and marriage supporters had helped them make more informed decisions; the article quoted Democratic senator John L. Sampson, who said that his opposition was waning.

“I do see it differently,” the article quoted the senator as saying.

“I can’t impose my own religious beliefs in a situation like this.”

Sampson is officially undecided, as is Sen. Ruth Hassell-Thompson, a fellow Democrat who comes from a deeply religious family.

“This is an issue that challenges the fundamental beliefs that people have,” the article quoted Hassell-Thompson as saying.

“And it’s not easy.”

Where to Start :Part 1(Amy and Maria’s Blog)

So for awhile Maria and I were stuck and didn’t know what our first move should be. Okay we are ready for a family, great! Now what?

I can tell you what we did. I guess for us the most important thing was getting our finances together. An IVF cycle is expensive not including the medications, doctor fees, attorney fees, and everything else that this process comes with. Since its a lot to tell I would like to divide in a few parts.

Checklist

Where to start

IVF Doctors

IVF Fees

Donor Sperm (in our case) Unknown Donor

Cryopreservation /Sperm Storage

Type of Procedure

NY State Law

Adoption

There is more to come……

Amy

Where to start /contd (Amy and Maria’s Blog)

AmyandOttavioOur Story

After we decided to begin our family , we asked our OB at the time. ( not recommending her, she is not gay friendly) for a referral. She suggested we call Long Island IVF (LIVF) DR. Brenner in Hempstead. This was a horrible experience and a waste of money.  Not only because they do not have experience handling same sex couples but also we felt they were just making a paycheck. They were very careless with our procedure.

Now just to clarify the procedure we did was I carried Maria’s eggs and we used a unknown sperm donor.  There is no classification yet although we are both fertile we have to go through the IVF cycle to have a child this way. They call Maria a Known Donor because she gave up her eggs and I became a Gestational Carrier because I carried a forgein embryo. Until NY State laws change this is what it is……

Also very important to remember before you get to this point you must have a sperm donor picked and ready to ship. ( I will discuss donor banks later) !

This is how LIVF’s procedure goes. First you have to get interviewed by their Social worker Aviva who is eccentric and negative. Because they don’t know how to classify “this type of relationship”, this becomes a gestational carrier and a known donor cycle. They made us both take the MMPI ($900) which is a psychological test to make sure you are sane and able to be a mother . You then have to go see their attorney who explains the laws in the state of NY ($675). You then interview with doctor Brenner and get all the details and cost summary.

The nurses discuss payment breakdown, the start date and the medication schedule. At this point payment must be made and you are ready to begin the cycle.

I am not aware of any insurance companies who cover IVF cycles unless you are truly infertile. So you must have money saved because this can become very costly. We spent between $50,000 – $100,000 that is all inclusive and two cycles.

NH gov. tests political wind on gay marriage

By The Associated Press
05.07.2009 9:21am EDT

(Concord, New Hampshire) The legalization of gay marriage in New Hampshire hinges on the next move of Gov. John Lynch, who remains uncommitted but has said he believes the word “marriage” should be reserved for the union of a man and a woman.

“I’m going to talk to legislators and I’m going to talk to the people of New Hampshire and ultimately make the best decision I can for the people of New Hampshire,” the Democratic governor said Wednesday evening.

The state’s gay marriage bill squeaked through the House on a 178-167 vote after an hour of debate. Both chambers appear to be far short of enough votes to override a veto.

If Lynch signs the bill or lets it become law without his signature, New Hampshire would become the sixth state in the nation to legalize gay marriage after Maine approved the legislation Wednesday.

Gov. John Baldacci, a Democrat who hadn’t indicated how he would handle Maine’s bill, signed it shortly after the legislation passed the Senate on a vote of 21-13 – a margin not large enough to override a veto.

“In the past, I opposed gay marriage while supporting the idea of civil unions,” Baldacci said in a statement read in his office. “I have come to believe that this is a question of fairness and of equal protection under the law, and that a civil union is not equal to civil marriage.”

Maine’s bill authorizes marriage between any two people rather than between one man and one woman, as state law currently allows. The House had passed the bill Tuesday.

The law is to take effect in mid-September but could be sidetracked before then. Opponents promise to challenge it through a public veto process that could suspend it while a statewide vote takes shape.

Sue Estler, of Orono, said she and her partner of 20 years, Paula Johnson, plan to get married. But she also thinks opponents might collect enough signatures to force the referendum.

A professor at the University of Maine, the 64-year-old Estler said she sent an e-mail to out-of-state friends and family members Wednesday saying “Oh, my god. The governor just signed the bill.”

“But I said, ‘Don’t make your travel plans for the wedding yet. There’s still probably a referendum to go,’” she said.

Legislative debate in Maine was brief. Senate President Elizabeth Mitchell, D-Vassalboro, turned the gavel over to an openly gay member, Sen. Lawrence Bliss, D-South Portland, for the final vote.

Republican Sen. Debra Plowman of Hampden argued that the bill was being passed “at the expense of the people of faith.”

“You are making a decision that is not well-founded,” Plowman warned.

Both states’ bills specify that religious institutions don’t have to recognize same-sex marriages.

The activist group Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders has targeted all six New England states for passage of a gay marriage law by 2012.

Connecticut has enacted a bill after being ordered to allow gay marriages by the courts, and Vermont has passed a bill over the governor’s veto.

Massachusetts’ high court has ordered the state to recognize gay marriages. In Rhode Island, a bill to legalize same-sex marriage has been introduced but is not expected to pass this year.

New England states have acted quickly since gay marriages became law in Massachusetts in 2004 because it’s a small region with porous borders, shared media markets and a largely shared culture, said Carisa Cunningham of the gay defenders group.

Outside New England, Iowa is recognizing gay marriages on court orders. The practice was briefly legal in California before voters banned it.

New Hampshire Rep. David Pierce, who has two daughters with his partner, described telling his 5-year-old that “some people don’t believe we should be a family.”

“When my kids grow up and are old enough to understand what we’re doing here today, I want them to know I did everything I could to fight for our family,” said Pierce, D-Hanover.

La Moves To Bar Same-Sex Couples From Having Names On Birth Certificates

By 365gay Newscenter Staff
05.06.2009 3:20pm EDT

(Baton Rouge, Louisiana) The Louisiana legislature is moving forward with legislation that would bar the state from issuing birth certificates showing two people of the same sex as parents.

The House Health and Welfare Committee has voted 12-3 to send the bill to the full House for a vote. Gov. Bobby Jindal (R) supports the bill.

The measure grew out of a federal lawsuit brought by a gay couple who want their names on the birth certificate of their adopted son.

Oren Adar and Mickey Smith adopted their Louisiana-born son in 2006 in a New York court, where a judge issued an adoption decree.

When Smith attempted to get a new birth certificate for their child so he could add his son to his health insurance, the office of Louisiana State Registrar Darlene Smith told him that Louisiana does not recognize adoption by unmarried parents and so could not issue it.

Lambda Legal filed suit on behalf of Adar and Smith in October 2007, saying that the registrar was violating the Full Faith and Credit Clause of the U.S. Constitution by refusing to recognize the New York adoption. The Constitution holds that judgments and orders issued by a court in one state are legally binding in other states as well.

In December, U.S. District Judge Jay Zainey in New Orleans ordered the state Office of Vital Records to put the names of both fathers on the amended birth certificate.

In his ruling, Zainey said failing to amend the birth certificate violated the U.S. Constitution. Zainey issued the ruling without holding a trial.

In April, the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals put a stay on the ruling to allow the state to appeal.

The 5th Circuit ordered legal briefs to be submitted in the case and the Appeals Court is expected to hear the case later this year.

Attorney General Buddy Caldwell said that the case brings up complex constitutional questions and is likely to end up before the U.S. Supreme Court.

The Supreme Court has ruled previously that there “are some limitations upon the extent to which a state may be required by the full faith and credit clause to enforce even the judgment of another state in contravention of its own statutes or policy.”

Maine Governor Signs Same-Sex Marriage Bill

May 7, 2009
New York Times
By ABBY GOODNOUGH

BOSTON – Gov. John Baldacci of Maine on Wednesday signed a same-sex marriage bill passed by the State Legislature, saying he had reversed his position on such marriages after deciding it was a matter of equal protection under the state’s Constitution.

“I have come to believe that this is a question of fairness and of equal protection under the law,” the governor said in a news release from Augusta, Me., where he announced his decision to sign the bill in a news conference.

Later, in a telephone interview, he said, “It’s not the way I was raised and it’s not the way that I am.” He added: “But at the same time I have a responsibility to uphold the Constitution. That’s my job, and you can’t allow discrimination to stand when it’s raised to your level.”

With the enactment of the Maine bill, gay-rights activists have moved remarkably close to their goal of making same-sex marriage legal throughout New England just five years after Massachusetts became the first state in the nation to allow it.

But gay couples may not be able to wed in Maine anytime soon. The law would normally go into effect 90 days after the Legislature adjourns, which is usually in late June. But opponents have vowed to pursue a “people’s veto,” or a public referendum allowed in Maine to ask voters if they want to overturn the law.

The opponents would need to collect about 55,000 signatures within 90 days of the Legislature adjourning to get the question on the ballot, and if they did, the law would be suspended until a referendum could be held. That would be in November at the earliest, and more likely, in June.

Mr. Baldacci acknowledged the likelihood of a referendum on the issue, saying his enactment of the law may not be “the final word.”

“Just as the Maine Constitution demands that all people are treated equally under the law, it also guarantees that the ultimate political power in the State belongs to the people,” he said in the news release. “While the good and just people of Maine may determine this issue, my responsibility is to uphold the Constitution and do, as best as possible, what is right. I believe that signing this legislation is the right thing to do.”

Mr. Baldacci announced his decision to sign the bill about an hour after the State Senate gave final passage to the bill, which would codify marriage as a legally recognized union of two people regardless of their sex. Under state law he had 10 days to decide whether to sign the bill, veto it or let it become law without his signature.

But Mr. Baldacci, a Democrat who cannot seek reelection due to term limits, said he had already spent considerable time thinking about the issue.

“I have read many of the notes and letters sent to my office, and I have weighed my decision carefully,” he said in the release. “I did not come to this decision lightly or in haste.”

Supporters of same-sex marriage have won victory after victory this spring, with the legislatures of Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine embracing it. Massachusetts let gay couples marry in 2004, and Connecticut began allowing same-sex marriage last fall.

Like Governor Baldacci of Maine, Gov. John Lynch of New Hampshire, also a Democrat, has opposed same-sex marriage but has said he might sign New Hampshire’s bill.

Gov. Jim Douglas, a Republican, vetoed a same-sex marriage bill in Vermont last month, and the Legislature then enacted it after an override. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, also a Republican, vetoed a similar bill in California in 2005.

Supporters of the measures probably do not have enough support to override a veto in New Hampshire.

With the movement enjoying momentum from the string of recent victories — including the Iowa Supreme Court’s decision last month that same-sex marriage should be legal there — Mr. Baldacci faced, and Mr. Lynch faces, considerable pressure from advocates and from their own party, which increasingly supports same-sex marriage.

Mr. Lynch will have five days to make a decision after the bill reaches his desk. Several political observers have guessed that Mr. Lynch, who might run again, would let New Hampshire’s become law without his signature, as state law permits.

After the New Hampshire Senate’s vote last week, Mr. Lynch restated his belief that the state’s two-year-old civil-union law provided sufficient rights and protections to gay couples. But he did not repeat an earlier statement that marriage should be only between a man and a woman.

In California, where the State Supreme Court may rule this week on whether a voter-approved ban on same-sex marriage is constitutional, gay-rights advocates are optimistic even though many expect the ruling to uphold the ban.

The next state to debate same-sex marriage will probably be New York. Gov. David A. Paterson, a Democrat, introduced a marriage bill last month and the State Assembly, which strongly supports it, will probably take it up next week. The bill’s fate in the Senate is less certain.

In Maine, the Democratically controlled House voted 89 to 57 for the bill on Tuesday; the State Senate, also dominated by Democrats, approved the bill last week in a 21-to-14 vote. .

The Roman Catholic Diocese of Portland was among the groups lobbying Mr. Baldacci, a Catholic, to veto the bill, as was the Maine Family Policy Council, an affiliate of the Family Research Council in Washington.

The House chamber in Augusta was thick with emotion on Tuesday as many legislators openly wept and revealed personal details. One told her colleagues for the first time that she has a lesbian daughter; another wept as he explained that he, as a white man, would not have been able to marry his wife of 25 years, who is black, if a law had not been changed. Other legislators spoke of sleepless nights debating how to vote.

While the Iowa decision gave supporters of same-sex marriage an important first victory in the nation’s heartland and a few other states are considering legislation this year, New England remains the nucleus of the movement. Gay-rights groups here have been raising money, training volunteers and lobbying voters and lawmakers as part of a campaign called Six by Twelve.

The region’s strong libertarian bent helps explain why the issue has found support. And voters in some New England states cannot initiate constitutional amendments, a strategy for blocking same-sex marriage elsewhere, although Maine does have its “people’s veto.” A Rhode Island bill is unlikely to be acted on soon; proponents believe its chances will improve in 2011, after Gov. Donald L. Carcieri, a Republican who opposes same-sex marriage, leaves office.

“We are closer than we thought we would be, although not closer than we hoped we would be,” said Lee Swislow, executive director of Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders, the group leading the New England campaign. Pointing out that May 17 is the fifth anniversary of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts, Ms. Swislow added, “New England is such a small region that people have been able to see it’s good for everyone.”

Washington Acts on Marriages

The Council of the District of Columbia on Tuesday overwhelmingly approved a bill that recognizes same-sex marriages performed in other states.

The measure now goes to Mayor Adrian M. Fenty, who has said he supports it. The committees in the House and Senate that oversee the District of Columbia would then have 30 session days to review the law. If Congress does not act within 30 days, the law will automatically take effect.

Katie Zezima contributed reporting from Augusta, Me.

Welcome to Our Blog

Hi Everyone , 

My name is Amy and my partner is Maria. We would like to Welcome you to our blog. We have alot of great stories to share with you. We hope that you will ask lots of questions. 

Amy and Maria

Surrogacy agencies operate with little regulation

By MELODY McDONALD

Star-Telegram.com, Sunday May 3, 2009

Five years ago, Stephanie Scott agreed to be a surrogate mother for an infertile couple on the East Coast.It was an awful experience.

The California surrogate agency brokering the deal mishandled the intended parents’ money, and Scott went months without compensation. When checks did come, sometimes they bounced. Medical bills went unpaid.

Scott, who lives in Dallas, said she rarely heard from the agency — or the parents whose child she was carrying.

“It was one thing after another,” she said. “I was pregnant with my surro daughter, and I couldn’t get ahold of the agency owner. I swear she was screening my calls. I called around to a couple of other agencies to see what I could do and, of course, I could do nothing.”

Scott said she was shocked to learn that neither the state nor federal government regulates surrogate agencies. They do not have to be licensed, bonded or insured, and there are no rules governing how they handle money, screen surrogates or use egg donors. The only way to check them is through Internet message boards — or by word-of-mouth.

“It is more difficult to open a restaurant with a beer and wine license than it is to open a surrogacy agency,” said Andy Vorzimer, a California reproductive law attorney who specializes in fertility issues. “It is just astonishing.”

The issue of whether surrogacy should be regulated has gained momentum in recent weeks after a class-action lawsuit was filed against a Colleyville woman, Tonya Collins, and her California-based surrogate agency, Surrogenesis.

The suit alleges that $2.5 million paid by prospective parents is missing from an escrow account. Collins, 33, and Surrogenesis, along with the Michael Charles Independent Financial Holdings Group and Jack Kiserow, are the subjects of the lawsuit, which was filed in April in California on behalf of 100 people.

The FBI and Postal Inspection Service are also investigating.

In response to the scandal and others, the American Bar Association’s family law committee met recently and is drafting model legislation to provide the legal framework to regulate surrogacy agencies.

“We got together and said, ‘We have to do something,’ ” said attorney Gregory Stern, legal director of Surrogacy Specialists of America, a Houston-based surrogacy agency. “This really does have to stop.”

Lisa Ikemoto, a professor at the University of California, Davis School of Law who specializes in bioethics, health and reproductive law, said she favors regulation of the industry but is concerned lawmakers could take it too far.

“We should focus on concerns about health and safety and preventing exploitation and protecting the needs and interest of the children and the parties involved,” she said. “My concern is that it will switch and become about social morality.”

A limited statute

No two states handle surrogacy the same.

In New York, surrogacy is illegal. Most states don’t address it at all.

Attorneys said Texas is actually one of the more progressive states because it has a statute governing surrogacy. But the law, they said, is very limited, applying only to married couples using gestational surrogacy — meaning the couple uses in vitro fertilization to create an embryo, which is then transferred to a surrogate woman who agrees to carry the couple’s baby.

In these cases, the contract between the parties is approved by a judge who orders the hospital to put the couple’s name on the birth certificate when the baby is born.

Texas’ statute does not address traditional surrogacy, when a surrogate mother is artificially inseminated with the intended father’s sperm. It also does not address single parents or gay partners using surrogates.

When a baby is born under these circumstances, attorneys said, the party that is not genetically linked to the child usually has to adopt the baby, as if they were a step-parent.

“It is not protected by the law, so there is a major legal risk,” said Dallas attorney Lauren Gaydos Duffer, who specializes in assisted reproductive technology law.

And while Texas outlines the responsibilities of the surrogate and married parents, it says nothing about the operation of surrogate agencies or what criteria should be used to select surrogate mothers and egg donors.

Vorzimer said states should require surrogacy agencies to be licensed, similar to adoption agencies.

He said background checks should be conducted on agency owners and operators, and guidelines should be established for the operation of escrow accounts.

“There also needs to be a state agency to provide oversight and to serve as a repository for perspective parents to contact, akin to the Better Business Bureau,” Vorzimer said. “There is no standardization or uniformity from agency to agency.”

Vorzimer also says states should regulate surrogates and egg donors, requiring them to undergo criminal background checks, drug screens, medical tests and psychological evaluations. They should also be required to have their own independent attorney and medical insurance, he said.

“I do not think any woman on any form of public assistance should be accepted as a surrogate or egg donor,” Vorzimer said. “A woman who has never gone through the process of childbirth also should not be a surrogate.”

Lots on the line

After she gave birth to her surrogate child, Scott said she made it her mission to educate surrogates, prospective parents and egg donors about the process. Scott, who is married with three children, is now co-owner of a Dallas-based surrogate agency, Simple Surrogacy. She is also a vocal proponent for industry regulation.

“There is nobody that stands over us and watches our every move, and there honestly should be,” she said. “If you think about it, the ones on the up and up would be happy to do it. I would love to tell someone, ‘I’m accredited. I’m licensed.’ ”

Scott said her agency conducts criminal background checks and psychological evaluations on all prospective egg donors and surrogates.

They also drug-test the women and draw up contracts allowing intended parents to test their surrogates whenever they want.

“We want to make sure they are responsible and are not going to wind up in jail or hurt the unborn child,” Scott said.

Scott said her agency receives about 50 applications a week from potential surrogates, who can make up to $30,000 for carrying another person’s child.

Scott said only about 10 make it through their initial screening process.

“A couple of years ago, I got a profile for a surrogate in North Carolina, and there was a list of things she had done, from drug possession and on and on,” Scott said. “I turned her down, and I found out that another agency was advertising her. I ended up calling them and saying, ‘Did you do a criminal background check?’ They told me to mind my own business.”

Frisco residents Linda and Danny Smith turned to Scott’s agency last year after several failed attempts at pregnancy. “I waited too long, and we went through several years of fertility treatments and drugs and it never worked,” said Linda Smith, 46.

Smith said they selected their surrogate — as well as an egg donor — after reviewing profiles, pictures, medical history and other information provided by Scott and her agency.

Using in vitro fertilization, Smith said her husband’s sperm fertilized eggs from the egg donor, who wished to remain anonymous. An embryo was then implanted into their surrogate, a woman Smith has gotten to know well.

Smith said she talks to her surrogate often and goes with her to doctor’s appointments. She will be with her in the delivery room. And while things are going well with Smith and her surrogate, Smith said she definitely supports regulation of the industry, where hearts and money are on the line.

“It is a big deal,” said Smith, who estimates they will spend $70,000 to $80,000. “It is very expensive, not only financially but emotionally.

“This is a life we are talking about.”

Gay edits to White House web site

Washington Blade, May 1, 2009

The official White House web site was recently updated and the much-lauded section on civil rights and LGBT rights severely edited.

A White House spokesperson told the Blade today that the site edits do not reflect any policy changes.

As with most web sites, periodic changes are made to whitehouse.gov, and recently we overhauled the issues section to concisely reflect the president’s broad agenda and we’ll continue to update those pages, but the president’s commitment to LGBT issues hasn¹t changed at all,” the spokesperson said. “So … anyone who’s saying that it’s a change in position is wrong.”

That’s reassuring and I’m all for brevity. But one change to the site has me concerned. The language related to repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” represents a departure from the earlier iteration of the site.

The previous version of the language read, “Repeal Don’t Ask-Don’t Tell: President Obama agrees with former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff John Shalikashvili and other military experts that we need to repeal the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy. The key test for military service should be patriotism, a sense of duty, and a willingness to serve. Discrimination should be prohibited. The U.S. government has spent millions of dollars replacing troops kicked out of the military because of their sexual orientation. Additionally, more than 300 language experts have been fired under this policy, including more than 50 who are fluent in Arabic. The President will work with military leaders to repeal the current policy and ensure it helps accomplish our national defense goals.”

The site now states: “He supports changing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell in a sensible way that strengthens our armed forces and our national security.”

“Changing” the policy and “repealing” it are not necessarily the same thing. I hope this is just semantics and doesn’t represent a new reluctance to fulfill the promise of a full repeal.

The full text related to LGBT issues now reads: “President Obama also continues to support the Employment Non-Discrimination Act and believes that our anti-discrimination employment laws should be expanded to include sexual orientation and gender identity. He supports full civil unions and federal rights for LGBT couples and opposes a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage. He supports changing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell in a sensible way that strengthens our armed forces and our national security, and also believes that we must ensure adoption rights for all couples and individuals, regardless of their sexual orientation.”

Just one minute after taking office in January, the White House site was updated and Obama’s LGBT promises were spelled out in greater detail.

On civil unions, the site read: “Support Full Civil Unions and Federal Rights for LGBT Couples: President Obama supports full civil unions that give same-sex couples legal rights and privileges equal to those of married couples. Obama also believes we need to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act and enact legislation that would ensure that the 1,100+ federal legal rights and benefits currently provided on the basis of marital status are extended to same-sex couples in civil unions and other legally-recognized unions. These rights and benefits include the right to assist a loved one in times of emergency, the right to equal health insurance and other employment benefits, and property rights.”

On marriage: “Oppose a Constitutional Ban on Same-Sex Marriage: President Obama voted against the Federal Marriage Amendment in 2006 which would have defined marriage as between a man and a woman and prevented judicial extension of marriage-like rights to same-sex or other unmarried couples. “

On adoption: “Expand Adoption Rights: President Obama believes that we must ensure adoption rights for all couples and individuals, regardless of their sexual orientation. He thinks that a child will benefit from a healthy and loving home, whether the parents are gay or not.”

There was also language reflecting support for hate crimes legislation and for ENDA.