Expensive, Exhausting, And Deeply Unsexy: Babymaking While Queer

April 21, 2015 by Lindsay King-Miller at Buzzed.com

My partner Charlie and I had been married for a little over a year when we decided to start trying to have a baby in August 2013. Despite being the butch in our relationship and using male pronouns, Charlie knew from the start that he wanted be the gestational parent. He’s always had a fascination with pregnancy and birth — a fascination that once led him to briefly pursue a midwifery apprenticeship — and he was excited to experience all the highs and lows of carrying a child. I, on the other hand, dread physical pain, and was overjoyed by the prospect of becoming a parent without going through pregnancy.

Charlie’s cycle operates with clocklike precision, so we figured it would be easy enough to identify the opportune moment. We started by trying to conceive at home — all you need is a syringe and a clean jar. We painted our guest room in pastels, recruited a dude we know and love to donate sperm, and got underway.

Unfortunately, the magic I’d anticipated was pretty much gone the first time I went for a walk around the block so that our friend could jerk off in our bathroom. After that, we decided that it would be less awkward if he made his donation at his own home, then dropped by with the jar — sperm can live outside the body for several hours, especially if they’re kept warm — but calling and saying, “Charlie’s ovulating, can you come over?” wasn’t very romantic either. We had to skip insemination one month because our donor couldn’t escape his roommates, who didn’t know about our conception attempts, for the requisite five minutes. Also unforeseen was the discomfort of making small talk every time he dropped off his jar, camouflaged in a paper bag — no one really wants to chat about how work is going at such a moment, but without a little conversation the whole thing felt too transactional. “Thank you for your genetic material, Unit B. Your service is no longer required.”

And there was a squick factor that neither Charlie nor I anticipated. We were competent, sex-positive adults who wanted to have a baby — surely we could handle a jar with a little semen in it! Turns out that other people’s bodily fluids are disconcerting, no matter how chill and mature you promise yourself you’ll be about the whole thing. I’m sorry to contribute to the body-shaming and negativity that pervades our culture, but let’s be real: A jar of sperm is super gross. Every month, Charlie would calmly draw up the sperm into the syringe while I shrieked and covered my eyes as though it was the gory scene in a horror movie (no, that’s not true — movie gore bothers me way less).

The insemination wasn’t much better. We had originally looked forward to this part — the two of us alone in our room, sharing the beautiful, intimate moment of creating our future child. Inseminating just before or even during sex is supposed to up your odds of success, which we figured was a bonus. We’d read about it online and it seemed easy, straightforward, and even fun. But it was almost impossible to get into the moment, since we were pressed for time (sperm were dying by the second!) and limited by the necessity that Charlie stay lying on his back with a pillow under his hips. I tried to help with the syringe, but couldn’t find a comfortable angle, so Charlie had to take over.

Nothing kills a mood like a syringe.

(Originally Posted Marrh 19, 2015)

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in IVF / Known Donor / Legal / Parenting / Science  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

French Court OKs Adoption by Lesbian Partners

Associated Press – April 16, 2015

PARIS — A French court has authorized four lesbian women to adopt children born to their wives abroad through artificial insemination.

While France has legalized gay marriage and adoption, only heterosexual couples are allowed to have medically assisted fertilization. Supporters of gay rights praised Thursday’s ruling, which allows these children to have two legal parents.

The Versailles appeals court overturned a ruling delivered by a lower court a year ago, according to the lawyer for one of the four couples.

In April 2014, a lower court in Versailles had said the birth mother in that case had committed fraud by having artificial insemination in Belgium. It was then the first court ruling against adoption by a lesbian couple since the gay marriage law had been enacted in May 2013. Several other ones had followed since then.

France’s highest court later ruled that seeking fertilization abroad is “not an obstacle” to allowing lesbian women to adopt the children of their partners, even if this way of having babies is forbidden to lesbian couples in France.

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in Adoption / In the News / International / Legal / Second Parent Adoption  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Florida Legislature Repeals State Ban on Gay Adoption

New York Times, April 14, 2015 by AP

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida’s ban on gay adoption is getting tossed out by the state’s Republican-controlled Legislature.

The Florida Senate on Tuesday voted 27-11 for an adoption bill that repeals the law first passed in 1977. It now heads to Gov. Rick Scott.

Sen. Don Gaetz, the sponsor of the bill, called the current ban “meaningless” because it is no longer enforced. An appeals court ruled it unconstitutional in 2010.

But Sen. Alan Hays called the repeal of the ban “a poison pill.” He urged legislators to consider the long-term implications of repealing the ban.

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China to crack down on surrogacy industry

Xinhua News Agency,

BEIJING, April 9 (Xinhua) — China will launch a nationwide cross-department campaign to crack down on illegal surrogacy starting this month.

The nine-month campaign will last until the end of this year and will involve 12 government departments focusing on spotting and punishing medical personnel and intermediary agencies that help perform surrogate pregnancy services, the National Health and Family Planning Commission (NHFPC) announced Thursday.

Internet website, TV, radio and print media that carry surrogacy ads will also be cleansed, while the authorities will step up supervision over the sale and circulation of assisted reproductive technology (ART) drugs and medical equipment, it said.

Surrogacy is strictly banned in China, but the wombs-for-rent businesses has thrived in the world’s most populous country, where some studies indicate an estimated one in eight couples face fertility problems.

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Sperm-donor shock spurs Port Hope couple’s lawsuit – Self-reporting nightmare

by Theresa Boyle – TheStar.com, April 6, 2015

A couple from Port Hope thought they had done their due diligence when they chose a sperm donor for their son, now aged 7.

Angela Collins and Margaret Elizabeth Hanson picked Donor 9623 because of his impressive background. Touted by the U.S. sperm bank Xytex Corp. as its “best donor,” he was said to have an IQ of 160, a bachelor’s degree in neuroscience, a master’s in artificial intelligence, and a PhD in neuroscience engineering in the works, according to a lawsuit the pair has filed against the company and donor.

The women were stunned to learn last year that Donor 9623 was nothing like he had been billed. After Xytex released his name to them, they learned he has schizophrenia, is a college dropout, had been arrested for burglary and is an ex-felon, according to their complaint, filed March 30 in a Georgia court.

What’s more, a photo of him provided by Xytex had been doctored and a large mole on his cheek removed, their complaint alleges. It goes on to state that he appears to have fathered 36 children.

In their lawsuit — which has garnered international attention — against Xytex and the donor, the couple is seeking damages for pain, suffering and financial loss.

“They feel frightened, scared, upset and misused, the way that you would feel if you found out that you had been misled in such a sensitive area,” their San Francisco-based lawyer Nancy Hersh said in an interview. She is representing about 15 other clients who might be joining the lawsuit. Their children range in age from toddlers up to age 12.

Hersh said the case highlights how the fertility industry is in dire need of more regulation and oversight.

In a written statement to the media, Xytex said it “absolutely denies any assertion that it failed to comply with the highest standards for testing.”

The Star was unable to reach the man listed in the complaint as the donor: James Christian “Chris” Aggeles.

He was charged with one count of burglary in 2005, but the case was discharged under terms of the First Offender Act, a spokesperson for the Cobb County District Attorney’s Office told the Atlanta Journal Constitution. The Superior Court Clerk’s office said he served eight months in jail, with the rest of his 10-year sentence on probation.

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Judge In Texas Blocks Plan To Extend Family Leave Benefits To Married Gay Couples

March 27, 2015 by Carlos Santoscoy

A federal judge in Texas has temporarily blocked implementation of a plan to extend family leave benefits to married gay couples.

U.S. District Judge Reed O’Connor granted the preliminary junction sought by Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton (pictured) that stays expansion of the federal definition of “spouse” in the Family Medical Leave Act to include the legal husband or wife of a gay worker.

The change was set to take effect Friday.

Under the law, employers must allow unpaid time off for employees facing certain family emergencies.

Paxton argued that the new regulation would force state agencies to violate Texas’ 2005 voter-approved constitutional amendment defining marriage as a heterosexual union.

“This lawsuit is about defending the sovereignty of our state, and we will continue to protect Texas from the unlawful overreach of the federal government,” Paxton said in filing the lawsuit.

“Texans have clearly defined the institution of marriage in our state, and attempts by the Obama administration to disregard the will of our citizens through the use of new federal rules is unconstitutional and an affront to the foundations of federalism,” he added.

Arkansas, Louisiana and Nebraska joined the lawsuit.

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Bill would require fertility benefits for lesbians

The Baltimore Sun, by Michael Dresser, March 18, 2015

f Fiona M. Jardine had a husband, the expensive fertility treatments she’s now undergoing would be covered by her health plan.

But Jardine, 29, is married to a woman, so she and her wife have to pay out of pocket.

A bill that would grant married lesbian couples the same fertility treatment benefits as husbands and wives is advancing in the Maryland General Assembly. The measure passed unanimously in a House subcommittee Tuesday, and full Senate and House committees are likely to vote this week.

Del. Terri L. Hill, the bill’s House sponsor, said the measure is designed to bring consistency to state law, given Maryland voters’ approval of same-sex marriage in 2012.

“We’re concerned that we correct the law to reflect Maryland’s state on marriage equality,” said Hill, a Democrat who represents Howard and Baltimore counties. “It was about making sure all Marylanders are treated in an equitable fashion.”

Maryland has required state-regulated health insurance plans that offer pregnancy-related benefits to cover the costs of in vitro fertilization since 2000. It is one of a dozen states that require coverage of the procedure, which involves fertilizing the egg outside the woman’s body and implanting the embryo in the uterus.

That law includes a requirement that only the husband’s sperm can be used in any covered in vitro procedure — a provision that excludes lesbians using donated sperm. Hill’s bill, sponsored in the Senate by Montgomery County Democrat Cheryl Kagan, would remove that requirement for same-sex couples.

And if an insurer chooses to provide more extensive fertility coverage to heterosexual couples, same-sex couples would have to be offered the same.

“It’s all about equality. It’s all about updating our laws,” Kagan said.

Jardine, a graduate assistant at the University of Maryland College Park, said she was dismayed to learn that her insurance carrier would not cover the costly form of artificial insemination she needs because of a medical condition. The sticking point was that she and her wife, Jo Arnone, 57, would be using donor sperm instead of a husband’s sperm.

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Kids thrive just as well in non-traditional families, new book says

MyKwartha.com, March 20, 2015 – By Andrea Gordon

Baby Jasmine Chan delivered the ultimate Valentine’s Day gift to her parents this year. It was her first word, clear and deliberate.

“Daddy,” she said, beaming across the dinner table.

Music to her two dads’ ears.

When they met 12 years ago, Paul Chan and Ewan French never imagined they would one day answer to Daddy or Papa.

Chan had recently come out to his family. It was a tough period and his mother was heartbroken. She wanted grandkids. He assumed his own dream of being a father would never come true.

It wasn’t until they married two years ago that the couple started to explore the idea of parenthood. Chan, 33, was confident they could be good, loving parents. French was on the fence.

“I always knew we’d have a strong community around us,” says French, 34, who was born and raised in Scotland.

“But I didn’t want (our child) to face any challenges because of having same-sex parents. Would we be putting her at an unfair advantage because of it?”

According to a new book from University of Cambridge developmental psychologist Susan Golombok, the answer is a resounding “No.”

Golombok, director of the university’s Centre for Family Research, has been studying the impact of evolving family structures on children for almost 40 years.

Modern Families: Parents and Children in New Family Forms, which rounds up research from around the world, concludes that children raised by same-sex parents and solo moms by choice or born as a result of donor conception or surrogacy fare just as well as kids raised by a two-parent, heterosexual married couple.

“The main conclusion is that what matters for children is not so much the structure of the family — the gender or sexual orientation of their parents, the number of parents or whether parents are biologically related to their children,” Golombok said in a phone interview from England.

“What seems to be more important is the quality of the relationships within the family.”

In other words, while the traditional model of mom, dad and biological kids was once considered “the gold standard,” four decades of research doesn’t bear that out.

All other things being equal, children manage just as well — and face the same difficulties — whether they have two dads and no mom, or two moms and no father as they do with two heterosexual parents. There is no evidence they have more psychological problems, difficulty adjusting or atypical gender development, Golombok found.

The fluidity of partnerships and family is also the subject of a soon-to-be-released book by Hollywood actress Maria Bello.

Her memoir, Whatever…Love is Love, follows her 2013 Modern Love column in the Sunday New York Times, which drew accolades. Titled “Coming Out as a Modern Family,” it told the poignant story of how Bello explained to her 12-year-old son that she was in love with her best friend, a woman.

The piece, which made the list of the top 10 Modern Love columns ever written, highlights the resilience and adaptability that kids can demonstrate when they have trusting relationships with parents.

It’s something Chantal Saville has seen in her 6-year-old daughter Nikki, who she’s now raising with the help of her own mom.

After Saville’s marriage broke up two years ago and the couple sold the business they ran outside Peterborough, she wondered how she’d make ends meet.

Her mother, widowed a decade earlier, was still living in the Toronto bungalow Saville grew up in as an only child. The two had always been close.

“Now we are effectively co-parenting Nikki,” says Saville, 42, a writer.

In the early days, mom and grandma occasionally locked horns over discipline when the era of, “because I said so” clashed with modern refrain of, “sweetie, here’s why I need you to do what I ask.”

But they’ve learned that communication is key and that whoever is in charge at a given moment gets the final word.

Organizations like American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Psychological Association have already endorsed findings that the sexual orientation of parents has no bearing on child-rearing abilities or the well-being of kids.

What’s new about Modern Families is it brings together empirical research involving many thousands of families from around the world and explores some of the reasons that more unorthodox families seem to do so well.

Golombok’s career has spanned an evolution in family life, starting in the late 1970s as lesbian moms came out and divorced husbands fought for the right to raise their children, followed by the arrival of the first test-tube baby in 1978.

The book comes amid a huge shift in how society recognizes and accommodates the assortment of families created as a result of assisted reproductive technologies. Modern kids may have a “solo mom” who chose to have a child on her own using donated sperm, or relationships with as many as five parents, including two legal parents, a sperm donor, egg donor and a surrogate.

The careful planning and lengths these parents go to in order to have children may be one reason their kids do well, says Golombok.

It can require years of fertility treatment and facing other barriers like social disapproval. The less motivated give up along the way.

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in International / Legal / Legislation / Parenting / Science / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Surrogacy and the ‘Legal Parent’ in the UK

 

GayStarNews.com – March 10, 2015

Gemma Whitchurch, of family law solicitors, Irwin Mitchell, looks at some if the legal issues around surrogacy for those in the UK.  Surrogacy is when another woman carries and gives birth to a baby for the couple who want to have a child. For many childless couples and same sex partners it can enable them to have a baby when it would otherwise have been impossible.

There are two types of surrogacy: 1. Full surrogacy (also known as host or gestational). This involves the implantation of an embryo created using either: • the eggs and sperm of the intended parents; • a donated egg fertilized with sperm from the intended father; or • an embryo created using donor eggs and sperm. 2 Partial surrogacy (also known straight or traditional). This involves sperm from the intended father and an egg from the surrogate. Here fertilization is usually undertaken by artificial insemination or intrauterine insemination. If you are considering a surrogacy arrangement, it is crucial to take legal advice before you embark on the process.

The law in this area can be quite complex and unless a parental order is made then the child’s legal parents may not be as you intended. It is important to note that commercial surrogacy is illegal in the UK and as such is a criminal offence. Surrogacy agreements cannot be enforced and therefore caution should be given to anything that purports to be a surrogacy contract. Under the law of England and Wales, irrespective of a biological connection, the woman who gives birth to the child is the child’s mother. This means that even if the child was conceived using the egg of another woman, the woman who gives birth will be the child’s legal mother.

The position of the ‘other parent’ is much more complex and varies whether the surrogate mother is married or unmarried, and in the case of the latter, whether the treatment takes place at a licensed clinic. To realign parentage in a surrogacy arrangement, the intended parents must apply for a parental order. The effect of a parental order is to give the commissioning parents the status of legal parents in the ordinary way.

The Human Fertilization and Embryology Act provide that applicants for a parental order must be: a) Husband and wife; b) Civil partners; or c) Two persons who are living as partners in an enduring family type relationship and are not within prohibited degrees of separation of each other. Surprisingly this has not yet been amended to specifically allow for those applicants in a same-sex marriage, although one cannot envisage any problems if they were to apply for a parental order. The only category of person excluded from applying for a parental order is a single parent which is in stark contrast to adoption where there can be a single applicant. However, it is important to note that this does not stop a single parent entering into a surrogacy arrangements, whether in this country or abroad. In such a situation, legal advice should always be obtained. To make a parental order two conditions must be satisfied: a) The child must have been carried by a woman who is not one of the applicants, AND b) The gametes of at least one of the applicants must have been used to create the embryo

The application must be made within six months of the child being born.  However, there has been a case whereby the application was successful despite being made two years after the child’s birth. In such circumstances, every case will be fact specific and in considering any application for a parental order the welfare of the child will always be the court’s paramount consideration.

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in International / Legal / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Gay Couples One Step Closer to Having Their Own Babies After Stem Cell Breakthrough

by Dominic Preston, FrontiersMedia.com, February 25, 2015

A major breakthrough in stem cell research at the University of Cambridge and Israel’s Wiezmann Institute of Science has opened the door to the possibility of same-sex couples being able to have children together in the future.

The researchers used stem cells from embryos and skin cells from adults to create new, viable stem cells, using a technique that has previously been used to create live baby mice. Azim Surani, Wellcome Trust project leader and professor of physiology and reproduction at Cambridge, explained that this represented a significant milestone:

“We have succeeded in the first and most important step of this process, which is to show we can make these very early human stem cells in a dish.”

Perhaps most excitingly, the researchers admitted that it was possible to create stem cells from donors of the same gender, and that egg and sperm cells could also be created in the future. Jacob Hanna, the lead on the Israeli research team, explained that members of the gay community have already reached out to the researchers:

“It has already caused interest from gay groups because of the possibility of making egg and sperm cells from parents of the same sex.”

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in Egg Donation / IVF / Known Donor / Legal / Parenting / Science / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments