My son, the straight boy

Salon.com, by Heather A. O’Neal – March 24, 2012

Tommy has two moms and one gay biological dad. But at the age of 4, he had an announcement: He wasn’t like us.

A week after my partner, Abbie, and I were married at Brooklyn’s City Hall, our 4-year-old son Tommy came out to me. Tommy had been excited about our wedding. He’d picked out his own tie and asked me to wear my hair like Princess Ariel in “The Little Mermaid.” But he had questions, too. “You already had a wedding,” he said — and he was right.

Three years before he was born, Abbie and I were married by an Episcopalian priest at the New York Botanical Garden. Over 200 guests attended, and the ceremony took place in an enclosed garden on a warm night in July. It was one of the first same-sex weddings featured in a national bridal publication (Modern Bride 2004), and there is a picture of us from that day — two blond women in gowns — on Tommy’s bedside table.

The day Tommy came out to me, we were walking home from school. He was telling me about Taylor, his most recent crush, when he stopped in the middle of the story, looked up and said, “Mama, you know how you and Mommy are gay?”

I nodded and figured he was going to ask more questions about why we had to get married for the second time.

“Well,” he said, “I’m not. I’m a boy who likes girls.”

I was surprised by the declaration — we never thought Tommy was gay — but immediately replied, “That’s OK.”

“I knew you’d say that,” he said. “I just thought it was something I should tell you.”

Click here to read more!

This is my story about my gay family.

March 22, 2012 – GayFamilySupport.com

I am a wife and mother, together with my husband we are parents of gay children. We have two sons, one is gay, the other bisexual and this is my story.

When I first believed my eldest son may be gay, I felt sick in the stomach literally. I went straight to my husband and told him of my thoughts and why I thought this way.
He was a little shocked with my news but as there was no real proof of my theory he was ok about it and we decided to approach our son.
I spoke to our son who was 16 at the time.

This was a disaster.

All it achieved was him in tears and me feeling angry with myself for upsetting him.

It did however make me realize that my son was a little confused with life at the time as he himself wasn’t quite sure how he felt.

My husband and I decided to read up about teenage boys and homosexuality and not put any pressure on our son regarding this.
Reading at the time helped us to understand homosexuality a little but we weren’t sure how our son was going to turn out.

We just sat back and waited.

It was during year 12 at school that we started to notice him changing in his behaviour and temperament.
At this time he had two very quick relationships with two different girls which really confused us.

Because deep down inside, I in particular felt he was gay.
(a mother’s intuition)?

He started to go out more and be a little secretive about his friends which was not really like him.
Just before his 18th birthday and after he finished school he was going out and I thought I might test my theory and ask if he was going to Pride March Street Parade that was happening in the city, just to get his reaction.
When I asked in a friendly manner he said yes. That opened the door to more questions and it all just spilled out then and there. This was the start to our gay family.

Yes our son was gay and he obviously felt comfortable enough with it at this time to discuss it with us. My husband was fantastic with this confirmation as was his younger brother.

For me it was a relief.

Now I felt we could get on with life in a true and honest way.
My husband didn’t find a problem with our son being gay but was very concerned about people finding out.
He had previously worked in a homophobic work place and was worried for our son.
These feelings are very normal but as it turned out we have had no problems at all being a gay family.

We have always been upfront with people and both our children have been brought up to believe in themselves and be proud of who they are. They are both very talented young men.

Once our son came out to us he became that same loving, together young man that he was before year 12. Almost like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He was and is still a very happy, relaxed and confident person.

One of the things that helped us stay united was our whole family got involved in his life as a gay person and spent a lot of time within the gay community. We have met and befriended lots of gay people and found they are no different to our straight friends.
Sometimes a little more colorful perhaps!

Just because we were coping fine with our son being gay didn’t mean we didn’t feel alone. Although our friends and family were accepting, they didn’t really understand about having a gay child, so I needed to find another gay family just so I could share my thoughts with someone who understood completely.

I found PFLAG (parents,friends & families of lesbians & gays).

This was fantastic.

I met so many lovely people who shared their stories with me. So many normal families in the same unique situation I was in.

By speaking to lots of different parents, I realized that we all react to this news in different ways and come to terms with it in different lengths of time.

I never cried while others cry for weeks. Some can’t talk about it straight away, some need councelling etc but they usually get there in the end, especially if they can talk to other parents.

PFLAG has a great library as well, and I read so many books, I recommend you do too.

Our younger son showed a very big interest in coming to meetings with me. I was very impressed with how supportive he was.
But I now realize that he wasn’t just being supportive, he was trying to figure himself out as well.
Almost a year to the day that my eldest son came out, my younger son did the same.

Now we were really a gay family!

This piece of news was a real shock for me.
The mother’s intuition that I had with my other son was not there for this son.
I suppose I felt that having one gay child was ok, but not both my children.

He was my last chance for grandchildren. (How selfish of me).
But I think that was how I felt at the time. Maybe deep down inside I felt like a failure in some way.

Not just one but both my boys were gay.

I also felt that maybe he was saying this because he wanted to be like his brother. I soon changed my mind about this as I believe nobody comes out like that when there hasn’t been a great deal of thought and soul searching put into it.

Nobody wants to be gay or bisexual for the fun of it.

My husband took all this in his stride once more. After all, we can’t change our boys but we can love and accept them. They maybe our gay family but most importantly they are our family.

We have a motto in our family and that is to get over it and get on with it. This is for all aspects of our life not just the gay thing.

We have been very lucky to also have a very supportive extended family on both sides and have never had a problem with any of them. Sure, some don’t understand but they accept and that’s all we can ask for.

My husband and I love our family very much and couldn’t imagine life without our two beautiful sons. We would never even imagine trying to change them.

Change society’s views definitely, but not our boys.

Once we got over not worrying about what other people thought of our sons or us as a gay family we got on with being the normal happy family that we had always been.

There are much worse things than having a gay or bisexual child – death, illness, poverty to say a few.

Being together, supporting and loving one another is much more important.

So, if you are a parent of a gay child please look past the homosexuality and look at the person and you’ll find the same person that was there before he or she came out, except possibly it will be a happier more open and relaxed person than before.

I’ll admit our life has changed, but for the better. We are more accepting and tolerant and we have had so much fun that we wouldn’t have had if our boys weren’t who they are.

My husband and I could have chosen to have a life of misery and sadness because of our boys, but we chose to have a happy and fun filled life instead.

Make the most of your time with your gay family because life is too short.

Nobody wants to live with regrets.

I hope that reading my story about my gay family has been interesting and I hope it has given you something to take away and think about.

Just remember, that whether it be a straight family or a gay family it is still your family and it should be treasured for ever.

Debbie

What They Are Saying – Family Expert on Studies: Same-Sex Parenting Does Affect Children

By Brittany Smith , Christian Post Reporter
March 8, 2012|6:37 pm

Recent studies claiming children raised by lesbian couples are no different than children raised by a mother and a father are flawed, according to a marriage and family expert at Focus on the Family.

Glenn Stanton, director for family formation studies at FOTF, has looked at these reports and told The Christian Post that they don’t tell the whole story.

He released two separate analyses of same-sex studies and found that “these studies consistently show a markedly greater likelihood of children raised by same-sex parents to identify with and experience same-sex or bi-sexual contact than children raised in heterosexual homes.”

The U.S. National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study (NLLFS) found that 49 percent of girls raised by lesbian mothers identified as either bi- or lesbian, compared with only 7 percent of girls raised in heterosexual-headed households.

Stanton writes in his analysis that the NLLFS study also found that “daughters of lesbian mothers were significantly more likely to have had same-sex contact compared with peers from heterosexual-parented homes. Boys in a few studies were more sexually reticent.”

Lesbian-parented girls also have a higher likelihood of having used emergency contraception (35 percent vs. 5 percent), indicating a higher prevalence of careless sexual activity.

Stanton also found in looking at this study that young adults raised by lesbian moms are seven times more likely to have considered same-sex relationships and six times more likely to have actually had a same-sex relationship.

Aside from looking at the findings and effects on the orientation of children raised in same-sex homes, Stanton also looked at the methodology used to conduct the research.

He told The Christian Post that it was not “representative or objective in any way,” which is a problem since it’s the longest, largest study of same-sex families to date.

He said that the research only focuses on a small population sample of “highly educated upper middle class women that are in their 30s” – all from Boston, Washington, D.C., or San Francisco. He said most of them were recruited through gay activist channels and the parents self-report the well-being of their own children for the study.

“What’s more, 80 percent of the study participants said – when asked – they would choose to be lesbians if such a thing were a choice,” Stanton writes.

The moms reported their children showed no adverse effects from any family break-up, even though the break-up rates of these mothers were much higher than mom/dad homes: 56 percent vs. 36 percent.

In Stanton’s analysis, he quotes professor Mark Regnerus, a research sociologist at University of Texas at Austin, who said of the study, “The bottom line is that snowball samples are nice for undergrads to learn about data collection, but hardly high-quality when you’re a professional sociologist working on a complex research question with significant public ramifications. It’s not fair, not even close, to compare parenting and child outcomes from a national probability sample of hetero parents and a snowball sample of lesbian parents.”

 

Click here to read the full article.  I will update this post as more informaiton on this study becomes available.

Gov. McDonnell Says Marriage Equality Should Be Left To The States, But Claims Gays Make Inferior Parents

ThinkProgress.org, by Igor Volsky, February 24, 2012

Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell (R) said that he respected Maryland’s right to decide the issue of marriage equality, just one day after that state passed legislation same-sex marriage. “The beauty of our regulators under the 10th amendment…is that states are the laboratories are democracy and innovation and they have the freedom to make different choices,” he said during a Politico forum this morning with Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley (D). “Martin and I have different views on this issue, on others, but that’s what’s great about having 50 states.”

But when O’Malley responded by suggesting that the well-being of children informed his own evolution towards marriage equality — “we concluded that it was not right and not just that the children of gay parents should homes that are protected in a lesser way under the law than other children,” he said — McDonnell remained unconvinced, insisting that gays and lesbians make worse parents than heterosexual couples and should thus be the last to adopt children:

MCDONNELL: Most of the data that I’ve read that the best environment for a child to grow up to be fully capable of achieving the American dream and having the best start at life in an intact two-parent family made up of a man and a woman. I would say that that’s what all the data would suggest…An intact two-parent family is in fact the best for our country. Should be the model, but when it doesn’t work we have safety nets.

Click here to read the complete article.

For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage

February 17, 2012
New York Times
By JASON DePARLE and

LORAIN, Ohio — It used to be called illegitimacy. Now it is the new normal. After steadily rising for five decades, the share of children born to unmarried women has crossed a threshold: more than half of births to American women under 30 occur outside marriage.

Once largely limited to poor women and minorities, motherhood without marriage has settled deeply into middle America. The fastest growth in the last two decades has occurred among white women in their 20s who have some college education but no four-year degree, according to Child Trends, a Washington research group that analyzed government data.

Among mothers of all ages, a majority — 59 percent in 2009 — are married when they have children. But the surge of births outside marriage among younger women — nearly two-thirds of children in the United States are born to mothers under 30 — is both a symbol of the transforming family and a hint of coming generational change.

One group still largely resists the trend: college graduates, who overwhelmingly marry before having children. That is turning family structure into a new class divide, with the economic and social rewards of marriage increasingly reserved for people with the most education.

“Marriage has become a luxury good,” said Frank Furstenberg, a sociologist at the University of Pennsylvania.

The shift is affecting children’s lives. Researchers have consistently found that children born outside marriage face elevated risks of falling into poverty, failing in school or suffering emotional and behavioral problems.

The forces rearranging the family are as diverse as globalization and the pill. Liberal analysts argue that shrinking paychecks have thinned the ranks of marriageable men, while conservatives often say that the sexual revolution reduced the incentive to wed and that safety net programs discourage marriage.

Here in Lorain, a blue-collar town west of Cleveland where the decline of the married two-parent family has been especially steep, dozens of interviews with young parents suggest that both sides have a point.

Over the past generation, Lorain lost most of two steel mills, a shipyard and a Ford factory, diminishing the supply of jobs that let blue-collar workers raise middle-class families. More women went to work, making marriage less of a financial necessity for them. Living together became routine, and single motherhood lost the stigma that once sent couples rushing to the altar. Women here often describe marriage as a sign of having arrived rather than a way to get there.

Meanwhile, children happen.

Amber Strader, 27, was in an on-and-off relationship with a clerk at Sears a few years ago when she found herself pregnant. A former nursing student who now tends bar, Ms. Strader said her boyfriend was so dependent that she had to buy his cigarettes. Marrying him never entered her mind. “It was like living with another kid,” she said.

When a second child, with a new boyfriend, followed three years later — her birth control failed, she said — her boyfriend, a part-time house painter, was reluctant to wed.

Ms. Strader likes the idea of marriage; she keeps her parents’ wedding photo on her kitchen wall and says her boyfriend is a good father. But for now marriage is beyond her reach.

“I’d like to do it, but I just don’t see it happening right now,” she said. “Most of my friends say it’s just a piece of paper, and it doesn’t work out anyway.”

The recent rise in single motherhood has set off few alarms, unlike in past eras. When Daniel Patrick Moynihan, then a top Labor Department official and later a United States senator from New York, reported in 1965 that a quarter of black children were born outside marriage — and warned of a “tangle of pathology”— he set off a bitter debate.

By the mid-1990s, such figures looked quaint: a third of Americans were born outside marriage. Congress, largely blaming welfare, imposed tough restrictions. Now the figure is 41 percent — and 53 percent for children born to women under 30, according to Child Trends, which analyzed 2009 data from the National Center for Health Statistics.

Still, the issue received little attention until the publication last month of “Coming Apart,” a book by Charles Murray, a longtime critic of non-marital births.

Large racial differences remain: 73 percent of black children are born outside marriage, compared with 53 percent of Latinos and 29 percent of whites. And educational differences are growing. About 92 percent of college-educated women are married when they give birth, compared with 62 percent of women with some post-secondary schooling and 43 percent of women with a high school diploma or less, according to Child Trends.

Almost all of the rise in nonmarital births has occurred among couples living together. While in some countries such relationships endure at rates that resemble marriages, in the United States they are more than twice as likely to dissolve than marriages. In a summary of research, Pamela Smock and Fiona Rose Greenland, both of the University of Michigan, reported that two-thirds of couples living together split up by the time their child turned 10.

To read the entire article, go to NYTimes.

A Cautionary Surrogacy Tale

January 5, 2012 – By Arthur Leonard – Gay City News

Facing legal questions for which no New Jersey precedent yet existed, Superior Court Judge Francis B. Schultz, on December 13, awarded the father of twin girls conceived through gestational surrogacy sole custody of the two five-year-olds.

That ruling came despite the court having earlier ruled that the surrogacy contract signed ahead of their birth was void as a matter of state law. Schultz’s earlier order found that the gestational surrogate, though not genetically related to the twins, is their legal mother.

The lengthy court battle has separated the father’s husband from his own sister, the gestational surrogate, who has rejected her earlier lesbian identity and now has moral objections to the relationship between her brother and her legal daughters’ biological dad.

In 2005, Donald Robinson and Sean Hollingsworth, then New Jersey registered domestic partners, entered into a surrogacy agreement with Donald’s sister, Angelia Robinson, for her to bear children for them. The parties originally intended that Angelia’s ova would be inseminated with Sean’s sperm so that the children would be genetically related to both men, but in the end an anonymously donated ova was fertilized in vitro and implanted in her. Angelia was a gestational surrogate rather than a traditional surrogate, and has no genetic relationship to the girls.

The couple and Angelia signed a series of agreements in 2005 and 2006 signaling their intent that the girls, when born, would be the legal children of Sean and Donald, and that Angelia did not intend to be a parent. After the girls’ birth in October 2006, she signed a consent agreement authorizing termination of her parental rights and allowing her brother Donald’s adoption of the twins.

Before the adoption took place, however, Angelia ended her same-sex relationship, renewed her conservative Baptist faith in which she and Donald were raised in Texas, renounced homosexuality, and voiced moral objections to the surrogacy arrangement. After visitation disputes arose, she filed suit in 2007 seeking custody.

Donald and Sean counter-sued seeking summary judgment that Angelia could not be deemed the girls’ mother since she lacked a genetic relationship to them. In late 2009, Judge Schultz rejected that motion, finding that under New Jersey law, the surrogacy agreement and Angelia’s consent to the adoption were both unenforceable, and that she was the twins’ legal mother.

Schultz relied on a 1988 New Jersey Supreme Court ruling that found in favor of a traditional surrogate mother who carried her biological child ostensibly on behalf of a couple. The couple argued that this case was different since Angelia was not the genetic mother as the woman in the 1988 case had been, but the judge rejected that, observing that the state high court had placed no significance on genetic relationships, instead focusing on general policy concerns about surrogacy.

The judge acknowledged that courts in some other states had distinguished sharply between traditional and gestational surrogates, but he found himself bound by New Jersey precedent.

Schultz next set for trial what had become a controversy between two legal parents, Angelia and Sean, who are not married to each other. Each of them theoretically has an equal custody claim, and in some circumstances courts will grant joint legal custody. That is really not a viable option, however, when the parties are bitterly hostile to each other.

Schultz’s decision lays out the great complexity of the case, which pitted Sean and David against Angelia and her parents, who share her moral objections to homosexuality. The twins’ racial identity also became a factor in the case. Sean’s mother is white and his father is African-American, and courts normally treat mixed-race children as having “special needs” due to the identity issues growing up in a society that thinks in racial terms. The ability of parents to provide support for them in establishing their own identity becomes an issue to consider.

Both sides presented experts, but the court relied primarily on the views of a third, neutral expert, Dr. Alex Weintrob, who, Schultz wrote, “was passionate about this.” Weintrob “strongly recommended sole custody” for Sean — who married Donald in California during the brief period in 2008 when it was legal there — “and that it be done as quickly as possible.” Weintrob contended it would be harmful to the girls for Angelia to be awarded custody, in light of her attitudes toward homosexuality and her lack of concern for the issues the girls would face as mixed-race children.

The expert found that Sean would be a superior parent in terms of affirming the girls’ identity, and as a stay-at-home parent, with Donald supporting the family, was better able to care for the children than his sister-in-law, who worked full time and would leave the girls in the care of her parents, who are also hostile to their son’s relationship with the twins’ father.

Finding that “the parents’ ability to agree, communicate, and cooperate in matters relating to the children is nonexistent here,” Schultz rejected joint custody. Awarding sole custody to Sean, he granted Angelia visitation rights to maintain her parental relationship with the girls.

The result of this ruling is that the children have two legal parents, Sean and Angelia, and an uncle, Donald, who also happens to be their father’s New Jersey registered domestic partner and California husband, but who has no legal parental relationship to them, even though they consider him to be one of their fathers.

Since Angelia has blocked her brother’s route to a second-parent adoption and New Jersey does not provide for a child having three legal parents, Donald would have no standing to challenge his sister’s custody should his husband Sean become incapacitated or die. The couple’s family relationship, therefore, remains tenuous.

This case presents a cautionary tale for gay male couples interested in having children through a surrogacy arrangement. Doing this kind of a thing in a state such as New Jersey that has no statutory or judicial recognition and enforcement of surrogacy agreements is a risky business, as written agreements may have no weight in a legal dispute. Things are even worse in New York, where a criminal statute condemns surrogacy agreements, both traditional and gestational. By contrast, surrogacy is legally recognized and such agreements are enforced in Connecticut.

Lowenstein Sandler PC represented the fathers, and Harold J. Cassidy represented the mother.

Bias, Bullying, and Homophobia in Elementary Schools: Are Teachers Prepared?

January 18, 2012 – Mombian.com

The media has been full of stories about bullying and its damaging effects—but most stories have centered around middle-school and high-school students. Less has been said of bullying in elementary schools. A new study from the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), however, shows that such bullying does exist—including bullying and teasing based on homophobia and gender-nonconformity. Those who contend that elementary students are “too young” to learn about issues related to LGBT people are missing the simple fact that many are already learning about them—in negative and potentially harmful ways.

The striking part about the findings in the new study, Playgrounds and Prejudice: Elementary School Climate in the United States, is not that such bullying exists, but that it is so widespread. Almost half of the teachers and students surveyed reported regularly hearing comments like use of the word“gay” in a negative way (e.g., “that’s so gay”), “spaz,” or “retard.” About one quarter reported regularly hearing students make homophobic remarks, such as “fag” or “lesbo” and negative comments about race/ethnicity.

Three-fourths of students reported that “students at their school are called names, made fun of or bullied with at least some regularity,” most often because of students’ looks or body size (67 percent), by not being good at sports (37 percent), how well they do at schoolwork (26 percent), not conforming to traditional gender norms/roles (23 percent) or because other people think they’re gay (21 percent).

Of equal interest to me are the findings on family diversity and teacher preparedness. Almost three-quarters of students say they have been taught that there are many different kinds of families—but less than 2 in 10 have learned about families with two dads or two moms.

Nearly 90 percent of teachers report including representations of different types of families when discussing families in the classroom—but less than a quarter report including representations of LGB parents, and less than 1 in 10 represent transgender parents. Only a quarter report “having personally engaged in efforts to create a safe and supportive classroom environment for families with LGBT parents.”

Eight in 10 teachers said they would feel comfortable addressing name-calling, bullying or harassment of students who are perceived to be LGB or gender nonconforming. But less than half said they feel comfortable responding to questions from their students about LGB people, and even less felt comfortable about questions from their students about transgender people. And while 85 percent of teachers said they received professional development on diversity or multicultural issues, just over a third received professional development specific to gender issues and less than one quarter on families with LGBT parents.

In order to help educators address the above issues, GLSEN today also released the instructional resource Ready, Set, Respect! GLSEN’s Elementary School Toolkit. In addition to that toolkit, I’ll also point readers to the Welcoming Schools program from the HRC Foundation, the PFLAG Safe Schools: Cultivating Respect program, and the films (and associated curriculum guides) That’s a Family and It’s STILL Elementary (for students and teachers, respectively) from Groundspark.

Teachers should not bear the full responsibility of instilling respect in children. Much, if not most, of this must come from parents (which is why it is good to see mainstream childcare books, like the new edition of Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care, start to address LGBT topics). But teachers can play an important role, and it is good to see there are an increasing number of resources to help them do so.

Click here to read the entire article.

Why Gay Parents May Be the Best Parents

By Stephanie Pappas, LiveScience.com – Mon, Jan 16, 2012

Gay marriage, and especially gay parenting, has been in the cross hairs in recent days.

On Jan. 6, Republican presidential hopeful Rick Santorum told a New Hampshire audience that children are better off with a father in prison than being raised in a home with lesbian parents and no father at all. And last Monday (Jan. 9), Pope Benedict called gay marriage a threat “to the future of humanity itself,” citing the need for children to have heterosexual homes.

But research on families headed by gays and lesbians doesn’t back up these dire assertions. In fact, in some ways, gay parents may bring talents to the table that straight parents don’t.

Gay parents “tend to be more motivated, more committed than heterosexual parents on average, because they chose to be parents,” said Abbie Goldberg, a psychologist at Clark University in Massachusetts who researches gay and lesbian parenting. Gays and lesbians rarely become parents by accident, compared with an almost 50 percent accidental pregnancy rate among heterosexuals, Goldberg said. “That translates to greater commitment on average and more involvement.”

And while research indicates that kids of gay parents show few differences in achievement, mental health, social functioning and other measures, these kids may have the advantage of open-mindedness, tolerance and role models for equitable relationships, according to some research. Not only that, but gays and lesbians are likely to provide homes for difficult-to-place children in the foster system, studies show. (Of course, this isn’t to say that heterosexual parents can’t bring these same qualities to the parenting table.) [5 Myths About Gay People Debunked]

Adopting the neediest

Gay adoption recently caused controversy in Illinois, where Catholic Charities adoption services decided in November to cease offering services because the state refused funding unless the groups agreed not to discriminate against gays and lesbians. Rather than comply, Catholic Charities closed up shop.

Catholic opposition aside, research suggests that gay and lesbian parents are actually a powerful resource for kids in need of adoption. According to a 2007 report by the Williams Institute and the Urban Institute, 65,000 kids were living with adoptive gay parents between 2000 and 2002, with another 14,000 in foster homes headed by gays and lesbians. (There are currently more than 100,000 kids in foster care in the U.S.)

An October 2011 report by Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute found that, of gay and lesbian adoptions at more than 300 agencies, 10 percent of the kids placed were older than 6 — typically a very difficult age to adopt out. About 25 percent were older than 3. Sixty percent of gay and lesbian couples adopted across races, which is important given that minority children in the foster system tend to linger. More than half of the kids adopted by gays and lesbians had special needs.

The report didn’t compare the adoption preferences of gay couples directly with those of heterosexual couples, said author David Brodzinsky, research director at the Institute and co-editor of “Adoption By Lesbians and Gay Men: A New Dimension of Family Diversity” (Oxford University Press, 2011). But research suggests that gays and lesbians are more likely than heterosexuals to adopt older, special-needs and minority children, he said. Part of that could be their own preferences, and part could be because of discrimination by adoption agencies that puts more difficult children with what caseworkers see as “less desirable” parents.

No matter how you slice it, Brodzinsky told LiveScience, gays and lesbians are highly interested in adoption as a group. The 2007 report by the Urban Institute also found that more than half of gay men and 41 percent of lesbians in the U.S. would like to adopt. That adds up to an estimated 2 million gay people who are interested in adoption. It’s a huge reservoir of potential parents who could get kids out of the instability of the foster system, Brodzinsky said.

“When you think about the 114,000 children who are freed for adoption who continue to live in foster care and who are not being readily adopted, the goal is to increase the pool of available, interested and well-trained individuals to parent these children,” Brodzinsky said.

In addition, Brodzinsky said, there’s evidence to suggest that gays and lesbians are especially accepting of open adoptions, where the child retains some contact with his or her birth parents. And the statistics bear out that birth parents often have no problem with their kids being raised by same-sex couples, he added.

“Interestingly, we find that a small percentage, but enough to be noteworthy, [of birth mothers] make a conscious decision to place with gay men, so they can be the only mother in their child’s life,” Brodzinsky said.

Good parenting

Research has shown that the kids of same-sex couples — both adopted and biological kids — fare no worse than the kids of straight couples on mental health, social functioning, school performance and a variety of other life-success measures.

In a 2010 review of virtually every study on gay parenting, New York University sociologist Judith Stacey and University of Southern California sociologist Tim Biblarz found no differences between children raised in homes with two heterosexual parents and children raised with lesbian parents.

“There’s no doubt whatsoever from the research that children with two lesbian parents are growing up to be just as well-adjusted and successful” as children with a male and a female parent,” Stacey told LiveScience.

There is very little research on the children of gay men, so Stacey and Biblarz couldn’t draw conclusions on those families. But Stacey suspects that gay men “will be the best parents on average,” she said.

That’s a speculation, she said, but if lesbian parents have to really plan to have a child, it’s even harder for gay men. Those who decide to do it are thus likely to be extremely committed, Stacey said. Gay men may also experience fewer parenting conflicts, she added. Most lesbians use donor sperm to have a child, so one mother is biological and the other is not, which could create conflict because one mother may feel closer to the kid.

“With gay men, you don’t have that factor,” she said. “Neither of them gets pregnant, neither of them breast-feeds, so you don’t have that asymmetry built into the relationship.”

The bottom line, Stacey said, is that people who say children need both a father and a mother in the home are misrepresenting the research, most of which compares children of single parents to children of married couples. Two good parents are better than one good parent, Stacey said, but one good parent is better than two bad parents. And gender seems to make no difference. While you do find broad differences between how men and women parent on average, she said, there is much more diversity within the genders than between them.

“Two heterosexual parents of the same educational background, class, race and religion are more like each other in the way they parent than one is like all other women and one is like all other men,” she said. [6 Gender Myths Busted]

Nurturing tolerance

In fact, the only consistent places you find differences between how kids of gay parents and kids of straight parents turn out are in issues of tolerance and open-mindedness, according to Goldberg. In a paper published in 2007 in the American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, Goldberg conducted in-depth interviews with 46 adults with at least one gay parent. Twenty-eight of them spontaneously offered that they felt more open-minded and empathetic than people not raised in their situation.

“These individuals feel like their perspectives on family, on gender, on sexuality have largely been enhanced by growing up with gay parents,” Goldberg said.

One 33-year-old man with a lesbian mother told Goldberg, “I feel I’m a more open, well-rounded person for having been raised in a nontraditional family, and I think those that know me would agree. My mom opened me up to the positive impact of differences in people.”

Children of gay parents also reported feeling less stymied by gender stereotypes than they would have been if raised in straight households. That’s likely because gays and lesbians tend to have more egalitarian relationships than straight couples, Goldberg said. They’re also less wedded to rigid gender stereotypes themselves.

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Studies Suggest an Acetaminophen-Asthma Link

December 19, 2011
New York Times
By CHRISTIE ASCHWANDEN
THE HYPOTHESIS

THE INVESTIGATOR

Dr. John T. McBride, Akron

Children’s Hospital.

The sharp worldwide increase in childhood asthma over the past 30 years has long perplexed researchers, who have considered explanations as varied as improved hygiene and immunizations. Over the last decade, however, a new idea has emerged.

The asthma epidemic accelerated in the 1980s, some researchers have noted, about the same time that aspirin was linked to Reye’s syndrome in children. Doctors stopped giving aspirin to children with fevers, opting instead for acetaminophen. In a paper published in The Annals of Allergy and Asthma Immunology in 1998, Dr. Arthur Varner, then a fellow in the immunology training program at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine, argued that the switch to acetaminophen might have fueled the increase in asthma.

Since then, more than 20 studies have produced results in support of his theory, including a large analysis of data on more than 200,000 children that found an increased risk of asthma among children who had taken acetaminophen. In November, Dr. John T. McBride, a pediatrician at Akron Children’s Hospital in Ohio, published a paper in the journal Pediatrics arguing that the evidence for a link between acetaminophen and asthma is now strong enough for doctors to recommend that infants and children who have asthma (or are at risk for the disease) avoid acetaminophen.

Dr. McBride based his assertion on several lines of evidence. In addition to the timing of the asthma epidemic, he said, there is now a plausible explanation for how acetaminophen might provoke or worsen asthma, a chronic inflammatory condition of the lungs. Even a single dose of acetaminophen can reduce the body’s levels of glutathione, an enzyme that helps repair oxidative damage that can drive inflammation in the airways, researchers have found.

“Almost every study that’s looked for it has found a dose-response relationship between acetaminophen use and asthma,” Dr. McBride said. “The association is incredibly consistent across age, geography and culture.”

A statistical link between acetaminophen and asthma has turned up in studies of infants, children and adults. Studies have also found an increased risk of asthma in children whose mothers who took acetaminophen during pregnancy.

For instance, a study published in The Lancet in 2008 examined information collected on more than 205,000 children from 31 countries as part of the International Study of Asthma and Allergies in Childhood, known as the Isaac study. The 2008 analysis found that children who had taken acetaminophen for a fever during the first year of life had a 50 percent greater risk of developing asthma symptoms, compared with children who had not taken the drug. The risk rose with increasing use — children who had taken acetaminophen at least once a month had a threefold increase in the risk of asthma symptoms.

A study published by British researchers in 2000 using data from the Isaac study found that the prevalence of asthma increased in lock step with sales of acetaminophen in the 36 countries examined. The more acetaminophen used in a country, the greater that country’s prevalence of asthma.

A meta-analysis published in 2009 calculated that children who had taken acetaminophen in the past year had nearly double the risk of wheezing compared with those who had not taken the drug. “We know that acetaminophen can cause increased bronchial constriction and wheezing,” said Mahyar Etminan, a pharmacoepidemiologist at the University of British Columbia and lead author of the study.

Still, Dr. Etminan believes it is not yet clear that acetaminophen itself is responsible for the increasing prevalence of asthma. “Children who take acetaminophen are usually getting it for fever control, and they get fevers because they have viral infections, which on their own are associated with developing asthma later in life,” Dr. Etminan said. “It’s hard to tease out whether it’s the drug or the viral infection.”

Another potential problem, Mr. Etminan said, is that many of the studies required parents to accurately recall how much acetaminophen they gave their children, and how often. Parents whose children have asthma are likely to scrutinize the events that preceded an attack, he said, and thus may be more likely than other parents to recall giving their children the drug.

So far, only one randomized controlled trial has investigated the link. Researchers at Boston University School of Medicine randomly assigned 1,879 children with asthma to take either acetaminophen or ibuprofen if they developed a fever. The results, published in 2002, showed that children who took acetaminophen to treat a fever were more than twice as likely to seek a doctor’s care later for asthma symptoms as those who took ibuprofen.

Other trials are in the works. Dr. Richard Beasley, a professor of medicine at the Medical Research Institute of New Zealand, is just completing a 12-week randomized controlled trial of acetaminophen to see if the drug provokes or worsens asthma in adults. The results of that trial will be completed next year. Dr. Beasley said the highest priority now should be rigorous trials to test whether acetaminophen use in infancy increases the risk of developing asthma.

“I cannot say with 100 percent certainty that acetaminophen makes asthma worse, but I can say that if I had a child with asthma, I would give him or her ibuprofen for the time being,” Dr. McBride said. “I think the burden of proof is now to show that it’s safe.”

Not all experts agree. “At this time I just don’t feel you can recommend one over the other,” said Dr. Stanley Szefler, head of pediatric clinical pharmacology at National Jewish Health in Denver. “They both have advantages and disadvantages.”

Aspirin and other nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, including ibuprofen, are known to provoke asthma attacks in some people, Dr. Beasley noted. He suggested a middle course for parents: Simply use acetaminophen (also known as paracetamol) more sparingly. “We should be reserving paracetamol for very high fevers or for major pain relief,” he said. “We know that paracetamol is used much more widely than that — when a child is a bit irritable or teething or having an immunization.”

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How Many San Francisco High Schoolers Have Gay Parents?

By Lauren Smiley Mon., Oct. 17 2011

SFWeekly.com

Some social conservatives have bizarrely charged that making LGBT history a part of the state-mandated curriculum is just a veiled lesson on how to be gay. But for a small percentage of San Francisco kids, that classroom instruction won’t just be history lessons about a marginalized minority group — that coursework will help them define their own families.

Four percent of students in San Francisco’s public high schools say they have LGBT parents, according to preliminary results of a district-wide survey given to ninth and 11th graders last spring, as SF Weekly has learned. Additionally, two percent of seventh graders said that are living in LGBT households, says Kevin Gogin, the San Francisco Unified School District’s head of LGBT support services.

That comes out to about 800 families total. “We were the first district nationally to ask the question,” Gogin told us. The data was part of a larger survey given to high schoolers last spring about LGBT bullying. All the statistics will be released in a month.

San Francisco schools, perhaps surprisingly, have a long way to go on cutting out LGBT bullying, as we wrote about in a cover story last year. The results from surveys given in 2007 and 2009 showed LGBT students had a much higher rate of suicidal thoughts than their straight peers, and students often heard gay slurs at their schools.

The data on LGBT families was announced last Thursday night as the school district had its first-ever dinner for the district’s LGBT families at Alvarado Elementary School, where roughly 200 people attended.

“There’s only one other district that does this in the country, and we beat them in the first year,” Gogin says. “We were overwhelmed with the positive outpouring from the community.”

Now the data has the district curious about how many elementary school kids are living in LGBT households. When the district revamps the questionnaire in two years, they’ll be asking the city’s youngsters, too.