Legal Surrogate: Inside One Gay Couple’s Journey to Fatherhood

The decision to become parents was an easy “yes” for Jonathan Rollo and Joey Gonzalez. The gay couple have been together for a decade and legally married in California and New York well ahead of the U.S. Supreme Court’s June ruling that recognized same-sex unions nationwide.

“Obviously, if you grow up with a great family that is supportive and shows unconditional love,” says Gonzalez. “That’s something that most people feel passionate about passing on themselves.”

The bigger question for the would-be dads was how they would go about having a baby.

Gonzalez, 37, is CEO of Barry’s Bootcamp, an international fitness boutique concept with locations throughout the United States and Europe. Rollo, also 37, is a chef, owner and founder of Greenleaf Gourmet Chopshop, a chain of organic restaurants in California. With 14 nieces and nephews between them, “we both have always wanted kids,” says Rollo of the couple, who split time between N.Y. and L.A.

Their desire launched them last year on an emotional journey through intense, complicated discussions focused on finding an egg donor and then a surrogate – discussions that put them at the front of two emerging trends.

From 2000 to 2010, the number of same-sex couples raising children more than doubled from 8 percent to 19 percent, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. And for those couples – as well as straight couples and single people both straight and gay – surrogacy is on the rise, says Stuart Bell, co-owner of Growing Generations, a California-based agency that assisted the couple.

And Why Their Legal Surrogate Wants to Fulfill Their Dream of Parenthood

“Twenty years ago, infertility was such a cross to bear,” says Bell. “There was kind of this shame around ‘I can’t have a baby.’ ” Although it’s still a topic of legal and political debate in parts of the country, surrogate contracts are now recognized in at least 17 states. And as surrogacy is discussed via social media, “Women now realize, ‘I’m not alone,’ ” he says.

Celebrity attention hasn’t hurt. Sarah Jessica Parker and her husband, Matthew Broderick, welcomed twins by surrogate, as did Neil Patrick Harris and his husband, David Burtka. “Mitt Romney’s son used a surrogate,” says Bell. “When we first started 20 years ago, we only worked in California. Now we work in 30 other states. Every year we see four or five new states come onboard. They are starting to understand that it’s not harming anyone involved. This is something that’s building families in a positive way.”

“As there’s more of us and we’re talking about this,” says Bell, himself a gay dad with a 7-year-old son via surrogate. “People are accepting it more.”

Researching Their Options

Surrogacy is expensive, plain and simple. Growing Generations tells clients to budget $150,000 to $175,000. Costs include the egg donor fee of $15,000 to $16,000; surrogate fee of around $35,000; the expense to create and implant embryos; allowances for the surrogate’s maternity clothing, travel and medical monitoring; plus legal and insurance fees, on top of the matching agency’s fee.

For those who want to be a surrogate, there are medical tests, psychological evaluations and background checks. Growing Generations – which doesn’t advertise but accepts online applications – says just 10 percent meet initial qualifications. From there only 1 or 2 percent proceed through review that looks for, among other qualities, empathy, stability and “women who like to be pregnant,” Bell says. “They know what it’s like to have children and how much it’s meant in their life, and getting to share that for another person is important for them.”

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People.com

By Jeff Truesdell August 31, 2015