Coming Out and Being Out as a Lesbian Mom

Coming Out and Being Out as a Lesbian Mom

I came out well before I became a parent, but even being out from day one of parenthood doesn’t mean visibility is easy. Here are a few things my experience has taught me.

It has become something of a truism in LGBTQ parenting circles to talk about how having kids means being out to everyone — teachers, plumbers, cashiers at the grocery store. Kids, as any parent will tell you, can’t keep closet doors closed. One “Hey, Mommy and Mama!” across the produce aisle, and your cover is blown.

lesbian mom

Coming Out & Being Out as a Lesbian Mom; I came out before I became a parent, but even being out from day one of parenthood doesn’t mean visibility is easy.

For me, however, the problem is not being outed, it’s assuming everyone knows I’m a lesbian when in fact, I tend to blend in with my mostly straight suburban neighbors. (The fact that many of my clothes come from boys’ departments doesn’t seem to register.)

Even when I try to be open about it, people hear “Alan” when I talk of my spouse “Helen” and miss my use of pronouns. My son once received an invitation to the birthday party of a new school friend, and Helen and I got a double-take at the door because one of the friend’s parents hadn’t realized we were a two-mom family. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I’d gone to all of the school’s beginning-of-the-year events wearing an “I’m a lesbian” t-shirt. It would save us from those awkward moments and the “Who are you?” questions.

The other problem is that as a matter of overall identity, I’d rather be known as my son’s mom, not his “lesbian mom.” The commonalities of parenthood far outweigh the differences of sexual orientation. More importantly, I want my son to be known for his own qualities, not for the fact that he’s “the boy with the lesbian moms.” Yes, his lesbian moms will always be part of his identity, but I want us to be a piece of a much richer whole, not a leading indicator. I hope he never wants to hide the fact that he has two moms, but I also realize that as he gets older, he may want to come out about his family in his own time and in his own way.

Coming out is often described as an ongoing journey. As parents, it is a journey we take with our children. Sometimes they will want to be more out about our families than we are comfortable with; sometimes less.

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HuffingtonPost.com, by Dana Rudolph – October 9, 2015

in Family Stories / Parenting / Personal Stories  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Gay Parent Adoption: Their Perfect Family!

Here’s How These Two Dads Created Their Perfect Family, a Story of Gay Parent Adoption

I guess you could consider it just another average slice of American life when Ted, a screenwriter and game developer (gamers take note, Ted was a senior developer for the seminal “Elder Scrolls” series) from Ohio, and his husband, Ian, a merchandiser from England, attended a recent potluck lunch celebrating cultural diversity at kindergarten with their adopted, multiracial child, Mikey.

What was their contribution? Well, how exactly does one best represent Ohio/England/African American ancestry? Why, casserole, of course, says Ted. A blend of noodles, chicken and vegetables seems an appropriate choice for this potpourri of a family. You could make the argument that such families are appropriately representative of new wave multiculturalism in America — a country once famous for its open doors.

Food is somewhat central to this story. Ian and Ted met at a friend’s dinner party in Venice Beach in October of 2005. They had their commitment ceremony with about a hundred friends at their place in April of 2007, and they were married just last year.

They talked about being parents very early on and investigated ways to make that happen — including gay parents adoption, gay parents adopting, gay parent adoption, adoption for gay parents, surrogacy. Ultimately, they felt that the process was overly expensive and that their own DNA was not that precious when there were kids in foster care that needed parents.

Additionally, Ian and his sister were adopted and Ian was very comfortable with not needing “blood” relations. They met Robyn Harrod and Sylvia Fogelman at the Southern California Foster Family & Adoption Agency (SCFFAA) and started to take all of the required classes. Those initial classes, Ted explained, were somewhat therapeutic for Ian. Going through the thoughts and planning that his adopting parents went through gave him a fuller understanding of the love and commitment given to both him and his sister.

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By JAmesMichael Nichols – HuffPostGay via @raiseachild – September 11, 2015

There are all kinds of kids in the foster system. This Huffington Post Gay Voices RaiseAChild.US “Let Love Define Family®” series installment presents one child whose sweet nature and quick wit adds a lot of spice and laughter to the lives of his two dads. RaiseAChild.US contributing writer David Humiston shares the story.

in Family Stories / Foster Parenting / Parenting  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Legal Surrogate: One Gay Couple’s Journey

legal surrogate, legal surrogacy, surrogate nyc, surrogate lawyers, surrogate lawyer

Legal Surrogate: Inside One Gay Couple’s Journey to Fatherhood

The decision to become parents was an easy “yes” for Jonathan Rollo and Joey Gonzalez. The gay couple have been together for a decade and legally married in California and New York well ahead of the U.S. Supreme Court’s June ruling that recognized same-sex unions nationwide.

“Obviously, if you grow up with a great family that is supportive and shows unconditional love,” says Gonzalez. “That’s something that most people feel passionate about passing on themselves.”

The bigger question for the would-be dads was how they would go about having a baby.

Gonzalez, 37, is CEO of Barry’s Bootcamp, an international fitness boutique concept with locations throughout the United States and Europe. Rollo, also 37, is a chef, owner and founder of Greenleaf Gourmet Chopshop, a chain of organic restaurants in California. With 14 nieces and nephews between them, “we both have always wanted kids,” says Rollo of the couple, who split time between N.Y. and L.A.

Their desire launched them last year on an emotional journey through intense, complicated discussions focused on finding an egg donor and then a surrogate – discussions that put them at the front of two emerging trends.

From 2000 to 2010, the number of same-sex couples raising children more than doubled from 8 percent to 19 percent, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. And for those couples – as well as straight couples and single people both straight and gay – surrogacy is on the rise, says Stuart Bell, co-owner of Growing Generations, a California-based agency that assisted the couple.

And Why Their Legal Surrogate Wants to Fulfill Their Dream of Parenthood

“Twenty years ago, infertility was such a cross to bear,” says Bell. “There was kind of this shame around ‘I can’t have a baby.’ ” Although it’s still a topic of legal and political debate in parts of the country, surrogate contracts are now recognized in at least 17 states. And as surrogacy is discussed via social media, “Women now realize, ‘I’m not alone,’ ” he says.

Celebrity attention hasn’t hurt. Sarah Jessica Parker and her husband, Matthew Broderick, welcomed twins by surrogate, as did Neil Patrick Harris and his husband, David Burtka. “Mitt Romney’s son used a surrogate,” says Bell. “When we first started 20 years ago, we only worked in California. Now we work in 30 other states. Every year we see four or five new states come onboard. They are starting to understand that it’s not harming anyone involved. This is something that’s building families in a positive way.”

“As there’s more of us and we’re talking about this,” says Bell, himself a gay dad with a 7-year-old son via surrogate. “People are accepting it more.”

Researching Their Options

Surrogacy is expensive, plain and simple. Growing Generations tells clients to budget $150,000 to $175,000. Costs include the egg donor fee of $15,000 to $16,000; surrogate fee of around $35,000; the expense to create and implant embryos; allowances for the surrogate’s maternity clothing, travel and medical monitoring; plus legal and insurance fees, on top of the matching agency’s fee.

For those who want to be a surrogate, there are medical tests, psychological evaluations and background checks. Growing Generations – which doesn’t advertise but accepts online applications – says just 10 percent meet initial qualifications. From there only 1 or 2 percent proceed through review that looks for, among other qualities, empathy, stability and “women who like to be pregnant,” Bell says. “They know what it’s like to have children and how much it’s meant in their life, and getting to share that for another person is important for them.”

Click here to read the entire article.

People.com

By Jeff Truesdell August 31, 2015

in Family Stories / Personal Stories / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Becoming A Surrogate: The Quest For Pregnancy

Becoming A Surrogate: The Quest For Pregnancy

Mardi Palan is a hair dresser. She has a partner and a one-year-old son Forest. As a surrogate, she hopes to get $30,000 for a down payment on a home. But first, she has to get pregnant.

Back in July, a huge box arrived in the mail, filled with medications, hormones and syringes.

“I was kind  overwhelmed.”

The box came with a calendar and a list of all the medications she needs to take to help her synchronize her cycle with an egg donor.

“So each day, prenatal vitamin, aspirin, antibiotic and then a shot,” she said. “And then they send you a video of how to inject the shots. And each shot has a different needle, too. So the one that I’m doing right now is just a baby needle. And then later on the progesterone is inter-muscular. So it’s a huge needle. So it’s kind of scary to look at. I’m like, ‘Oh!’”

The first shot is Lupron and it’s used to decrease Palan’s natural hormones. Essentially, it stops her from ovulating.surrogate, surrogate attorney, legal surrogate, legal surrogacy, surrogate nyc, surrogate lawyers, surrogate lawyer

Palan also takes aspirin, to thin her blood. Clots can be a problem when taking hormones.

And she was taking birth control pills to make sure she doesn’t get pregnant before the eggs are transferred, but she stopped taking those last month.

Finally, both Palan and her partner, Caleb Weidenbach, have to take an antibiotic.

Although he agreed to take the pill, Weidenbach said he questions the requirement.

“I understand that if there is some kind of infection, they probably don’t want that to be shared with the egg,” he said.  “But I feel like maybe they should do a test, to see if there’s an infection, instead of just kind of handing out the antibiotics.”

The medicine is used to treat bacterial diseases like pneumonia and urinary tract infections.

Palan is working with Oregon Reproductive Medicine in Portland. It’s one of the area’s biggest in vitro fertilization clinics and has clients across the globe.

Click here to read the entire article.

 

by OPB | Aug. 19, 2015

in Family Stories / International / Parenting / Personal Stories / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

The Transgender Dad: Paths to Gay Fatherhood

The Transgender Dad: Paths to Gay Fatherhood

Transgender dads obviously come to parenthood in the same way as many lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals, via adoption, foster care and surrogacy. But as we detailed in a Gays With Kids article this past February, some trans men also choose to have their own biological children by carrying them themselves.
“Trans men who are considering fatherhood potentially face an extra layer of discrimination in various levels of the family planning process,” Sion told me, who is a trans dad featured in that article. “Fertility clinics, prenatal health providers and adoption agencies may all discriminate against a person for being transgender.”

Stephen Stratton, another trans man featured in that article, also bemoaned the lack of education and support in the medical and fertility fields when it comes to transmasculine pregnancy. “There is never any guarantee that the people you need to work with are going to be sensitive, understanding or knowledgeable,” he wrote to me via email. “The hospital we birthed at was so welcoming and the nursing staff respected our birth plan and made us feel at ease and at home.” But, he said, not everyone has a “rainbows and transgendersunshine” experience with their health care providers.

Of course, the social stigma attached to being a trans man who is also pregnant extends far beyond the walls of hospitals and fertility clinics. For proof, one need look no further than the tabloids and media circus that erupted after Thomas Beatie publicly announced his pregnancy as a trans man several years ago.

“Not everyone was warm and accepting of how we created our family,” Stephen said. “Some people did and said hurtful things.” Despite the challenges, though, Stephen says he wouldn’t change a thing. “I have an amazing child who I love more than anything, I would… do it over a hundred times to get to be her Papa.”

While acceptance of trans people and parents is certainly increasing in the United States, there are added things to think about, Sion said, when a trans man is considering having a biological child. “Some doctors are not educated on the effects of hormone treatment and may offer a trans patient inaccurate medical advice because of that,” he wrote. “It’s tough.” He also noted that parental rights can often be brought into question for trans men going through a divorce since some lawyers still make the case that being transgender is a mental illness.

Click here to read the entire article.

gayswithkids.com by David Dodge, August 14, 2015

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Gay families: Exploring gay families around the world

July 12, 2015 – pinkfamilies.com

Have you heard the saying “10%” of the population is gay? I have. I’ve heard this many times throughout my life and sometimes it’s comforting to know that 1 out of 10 people might be gay. But how many children have two moms or two dads? How many gay families are out there in the world?

Gay families: Global trends

worldIn recent years, the numbers of those who have said they are in a same-sex household have increased. This is probably due to better  reporting systems that allow people to report more openly about their gay families. Also, as it’s becoming more acceptable to have a gay family people are more likely to share information about their sexual orientation, their household and their families. With this openness, trends are beginning to emerge.

When looking at what’s happening in some countries, it’s clear that more female same-sex couples as compared to male same-sex couples have children in their homes. When gay families have children they, on average, have one child. Gay families also usually have fewer children than the national average and fewer than straight couples.

Similarities and differences become clearer when you look at what’s happening in a number of countries. For example, when you look at what’s happening in the US, the UK, Canada, New Zealand and Australia.

Gay families in the US

How many same-sex households are there?

Over the past ten years, US census data has shown an increase in 52% of those in same-sex households.

Since 2000 same-sex unmarried partner households increased by 62%. Same-sex spousal households (those that are married) increased by 38%.

The 2010 census showed that the total number of same-sex couple households in the US was 901,997. This was just under one percent (0.78%) of all US households.

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in Family Stories / International  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Why Children of Same-Sex Parents Should No Longer Feel Invisible

by Ariel Chesler, Time.com June 23, 2015

The world still doesn’t know nearly enough about the estimated six million children with an LGBT parent

babyAs I nervously await this month’s Supreme Court decision on gay marriage, which may extend same-sex marriage to all 50 states, I’m thinking about what comes next. As a child raised by two women during my formative years, I’ve previously written about the invisibility and non-recognition of my family in media, culture, and law, and how my silence about my family led to a deep and unnecessary shame. Regardless of the Supreme Court’s ruling, there is still much work to be done to make sure the children of same-sex parents are no longer invisible.

Don’t get me wrong. We’ve come a long way in what seems to some like a short amount of time, although those who have been part of the struggle for 30 years or more may beg to differ. But, truthfully, I am, in a way, jealous of children currently being raised by same-sex parents.

In the 1980s, when I was getting teased on the playground for having two moms, we didn’t have shows like Glee or Modern Family or films like The Kids Are All Right. This was way before Orange Is the New Black, with its diverse cast of characters, and even well before Will and Grace appeared on our screens. There were no revolutionary legal rulings recognizing gay families, and anti-sodomy statutes were still on the books in some states.

We also didn’t yet have the classic children’s book Heather Has Two Mommies, which is celebrating its 25th anniversary this year. That book, and the many others like it that now exist, would have been so helpful to me. While I didn’t have the opportunity to see that aspect of my family in book form, I do recall reading Megan’s Book of Divorce by Erica Jong, which normalized my status as a child of divorce, and helped me work through the pain and frustration of not having my father in my home.

So, in many ways, the kids of same-sex couples today are so much more all right than I was because they can see themselves in books and on screen—which both validates and changes how they view themselves. Hopefully very soon they will see themselves and their families protected equally by the law.

But even with all this progress and with much of the focus of the same-sex marriage legal battle on the children of gays and lesbians, the world still doesn’t know nearly enough about the estimated 6 million children in America with an LGBT parent, and, speaking as one of those children, we don’t necessarily know enough about each other.

Enter organizations like COLAGE, which unites people with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer parents into a network of peers, supports them, and allows them to share experiences and create community. This is such important work because allowing us to see other children with common but also unique family stories strengthens us and allows us to be seen as well.

Gabriela Herman, a Brooklyn-based photographer whose mother is gay, is also aiding the cause of visibility by collecting portraits of and interviewing people raised by gay parents. She describes each portrait and interview session as therapeutic and says she found that, as diverse as their experiences were, they all shared the feelings of silence and isolation.

Click here to read the entire article.

in Family Stories / Parenting  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

BABY LOVE: HOW AMBER MADE A GAY COUPLE’S DREAMS COME TRUE

Gayswithkids.com, by Asaf Rosenheim, June 13, 2015

babybumpThis is the story of Baby Love. Baby Love isn’t her real name; it is the name we chose for the purposes of this story. One reason we are going to call her Baby Love is that her parents would like to give her a choice when she grows up to keep this story to herself. More to the point, we are calling her Baby Love because three people took every ounce of their love, from the far corners of New York to the depths of Texas, to bring Baby Love into this world.  If you stick with the story, you will hear about the moment Baby Love was born.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Amber, the surrogate who carried Baby Love. Amber will be the guest at the Men Having Babies (“MHB”) Pride meeting this week in New York. This is a real cause for celebration for anyone who cares about our gay families. MHB has grown from a program that ran at the NYC LGBT Center starting in 2005 to an independent nonprofit organization that provides valuable invaluable support to prospective gay fathers, including online resources, ratings of surrogacy agencies and fertility clinics, seminars, exhibits and workshops worldwide.

Most importantly, MHB provides prospective fathers who cannot afford the expenses involved with parenting through surrogacy with over a million dollars’ worth of cash grants, discounts and free services from about forty leading service providers through the Gay Parenting Assistance Program (“GPAP”). To date GPAP has already provided almost 200 couples with access to substantial discounts, and more than two dozen couples and singles received full support, including grants and free service. These prospective parents, who otherwise may have not been able to complete this journey, were chosen by a grant committee. As of today, about 10 babies are already expected to be born later this year, with many more to come. Applications for stage I of the program is open year round, and stage II applications for 2016 are received from eligible stage I recipients until August 1.

The celebratory Pride meeting of the organization will take place at 6:30pm on Wednesday June 17 at the JCC Manhattan. It will start with a networking reception, with a short briefing by the organization’s board about recent developments, future plans and opportunities to get involved. Following the reception Amber and the parents she helped will tell their stories. Tissues and light refreshments will be provided.

This story began ten years ago when Amber, pregnant with her first son, decided that she would be a surrogate one day. Amber doesn’t remember where she heard about this option, but what she does remember is that, from that moment on, for ten whole years, she knew she would one day carry a child for another family. For the most part Amber’s pregnancies were easy: she enjoyed them, and she even said that she felt like she “could be pregnant forever.” Despite her amazing outlook and good pregnancies, there were moments that weren’t easy, but none of these hardships came close to stopping Amber from pursuing her dream.

When I asked Amber what pushed her all this time, she said that, as a mother, she couldn’t imagine someone not being able to start a family because they couldn’t have a child on their own. She knew she wanted to give this gift, not only to them, but also to herself.

Five years ago, Amber, by then a mother of three, moved to Texas, where surrogacy is legal; and the moment she and her family unpacked, she started exploring it. For a long time she was a fly on the wall on Facebook groups dedicated to surrogates and their networks, and she recommended that any women considering surrogacy do the same: hear the stories, the lovely with the ugly, the good with the bad. Amber, in a way that is typical for her personality, spent a long time researching agencies, clinics and speaking with surrogates who had gone through this journey. So it was hardly surprising that, three days after she submitted her application to her preferred agency, she got matched with a gay couple from New York. Two days later she had her first phone call with the intended parents. I asked Amber about the moment before she hit “send” on her application. She remembered that she had butterflies because she had put so much of herself into it. She felt very vulnerable.

It had been a while since everyone on that phone call had been on a first date , but that’s exactly what it felt like. Excitement mixed with anxiety is how they all described that call. Amber remembers the exact date: January 8. Will she like us? Will they like me? Can I make sure I make a good impression while being completely honest? Is this the right person for us?

Amber says that she got some very good advice from an experienced surrogate before the call, who told her not to say “yes” just because she felt excited to start the process. But after an hour-long conversation, which had no awkward silences, it took both parties less than two minutes to write back to the agency and say: YES YES YES.

Amber told me that a few days ago while going through some documents she re-read the couple’s application. She said that everything they wrote in that application was spot-on, and that everything they had hoped for happened. She attributes this to both parties being emotionally ready and being in the right place at the right time.

Click here to read the entire article.

in Family Stories / Parenting / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

What’s It Like to Be a Surrogate Mom?

by Anna Medaris Miller – May 6, 2015 – US News and World Report Health

Jodie Hayes had something on her mind. For four years, it tugged. For four years, she let it simmer.

Finally, the time was right – or at least as right as it ever would be – to bring it up with her husband, a U.S. Army soldier who was training in another state.

babybump“Do you remember when you were a kid getting asked what you wanted to be when you grew-up?”Hayes, a 38-year-old who lives near Savannah, Georgia, ​wrote to him in an email during the summer of 2013. “I really wanted to be a mom. I didn’t care about a fancy career or getting rich. I just wanted to be the best mom I could be.”

“Fortunately, you and I were able to conceive and become parents pretty easy,” continued Hayes, whose daughters are now 14 and 17. “I can’t imagine how it would feel to not be able to do the most natural thing in the world, experience pregnancy and having a child. Can you imagine life without our girls?”

Then Hayes cut to the chase​:​ “This is why I want to become a surrogate.”

Hayes was talking about becoming a gestational carrier, or woman who carries another couple’s embryo to term. The process involves using assisted reproductive technology to fertilize a woman’s egg with a man’s​ sperm in a lab and then transferring the resulting embryo into the carrier’s uterus. (In the other type of surrogacy, called traditional surrogacy, the woman is the child’s biological mother but became pregnant via artificial insemination.) In a sense, Hayes was telling her husband she wanted to rent out her uterus to another family.

“I wanted to be the answer to someone’s pain or frustration [by helping them] get the family that they wanted,” Hayes said in an interview with U.S. News. “I wanted the pride of being able to do that – being able to get them to smile again – and be able to hold the child that they wanted to hold.”

The Goal: A Healthy Baby

Some women hate being pregnant – they get morning sickness, feel sluggish and tired and wish they could fast-forward to the good part: a baby. Other women love being pregnant – they glow, feel energized and at peace, and enjoy the journey and the destination. It’s the latter group that makes up the vast majority of gestational carriers, says Michele Purcell​, a registered nurse who directs the egg freezing, donor egg and gestational carrier programs at Shady Grove Fertility Center in Rockville, Maryland​.

“Most women have good pregnancies, but I would say [gestational carriers] have exceptional pregnancies, where they really just feel great the whole time,” she says. “And if they don’t at the beginning, it’s so worth it at the end that they don’t mind it.”

There are other, less altruistic reasons, why a woman might want to become a gestational carrier. Namely, the money. Surrogate​ moms are compensated anywhere from $15,000 to $60,000, depending on various factors such as the agency, location, agreement between the parents and the surrogate and how many babies the woman carries. ​(All medical care, travel and other costs related to the pregnancy and birth are reimbursed as well.)

Click here to read the entire article.

in Family Stories / Personal Stories / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Changing The Way We Think About Mother’s Day

May 7, 2015 by Asaf Rosenheim via Gays With Kids

changing

Our family belongs to a gay synagogue, so most of the parents who attend the children’s services with their kids are gay. One Yom Kippur our rabbi asked for a show of hands. “Who has two moms?” she asked. “Who has two dads? Who lives with a grandparent or an aunt or uncle? Who has only one mom? One dad?” And so on. The kids kept on raising their hands, one group after another, sometimes giggling, sometimes saying something proud like “ME!” Finally, rabbi Weiss asked: “Who has a mom and a dad?” All the (mostly gay and lesbian) parents in the room raised their hands. And then it hit me: while we are trying to provide our children with alternative views of families, the families we grew up in are almost always the traditional nuclear mom-and-dad model; for most of us, this was and still is our parenting experience.

In our family there are two dads, and a daughter and son (twins) who turned 3 just a few months ago. When I’m asked, it is very easy for me to affirmatively state: Our kids have two dads or, as we say at home, an aba and a daddy. But people always wonder, and people sometimes (especially kids) are brave enough to ask: Do they have a mom?

Technically they don’t, our kids were born with the help of a gestational surrogate, which means that we received an anonymous egg donation which together with our sperms was used to create embryos, which were subsequently carried by our friend, who served as the children’s surrogate. Over the years, friends, family and many strangers have suggested that one of these two women must be “the mother.” We answered politely that we call one the egg donor and the other the surrogate, but mostly they seemed unsatisfied by these answers. Usually I think this is just a matter of educating them on our family structure, but sometimes I do attributed it to being insensitive, homophobic, dad-phobic, or mother-centric depending on the person asking and his or her tone. Many people think it is just fine for a same-sex couple to have kids but still believe that a mother is necessary for the healthy development of a child. Others have pointed out that children born using anonymous sperm or egg donation will always wonder about their genetic parent, and that we are depriving them of a right to know their biological mother.

My friends in similar family settings have tried to address these issues in many admirable ways: I have seen fathers asking their children, “Do you have a mom?” just to demonstrate how the kids answer so clearly, “No, I do not; I have two dads!” Others have created strong bonds with women in their lives that the children could identify with as the equivalent of a mother figure: an aunt, grandmother, the surrogate herself, or sometimes a caregiver. When asked, many of us will gladly point you to solid research indicating that children of same-sex couples are just as happy and healthy as children who grow up with a mother and dad. I would be grateful if someone could show this information to my 3-year-old, who was at that moment extremely unhappy about a variety of things: from not being able to play on my iPhone to having to take a bath.

For example, in her book “Modern Families: Parents and Children in New Family Forms,” Dr Susan Golombok says that children of same-sex couples do just as well as children in traditional families. The problems some children face come from outside the family rather than within it and depend very much on where they live. She argues that schools should make an active effort to combat the stigmatization of children in different families. Dr Golombok is currently carrying out a study of children with gay dads who were born with the help of a surrogate. The study should be completed this summer, and the very much anticipated findings will be available shortly after.

In spite of these positive research results, it’s hard not to wonder about the effects of growing up without a mom, and not only that, but with no mother ever having existed. My husband Eric sometimes points out that women used to die in childbirth with terrible frequency, and that even his grandmother never knew her own mother because of this common tragedy. While she was raised by her father and grandmother, she still knew that a woman who was her mother had at least lived at one time and had been known by the people in her life. Our kids wouldn’t be able to imagine a mother. The idea of our kids having nothing but a void where a mother would normally be sometimes kept me up at night.

Click here to read the entire article.

in Egg Donation / Family Stories / IVF / Parenting / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments