Same Sex Parenting: OK Supreme Court Landmark Ruling

Same Sex Parenting Wins Increased Rights in Oklahoma

The Oklahoma Supreme Court on Tuesday issued a landmark ruling same sex parenting increasing the rights of noncustodial parents who have been in same-sex relationships. The decision acknowledged the rights of a non-biological parent in a same-sex relationship who has acted as a parent.

The state’s high court ruled that an Oklahoma County judge improperly dismissed the case of Oklahoma City resident Charlene Ramey. The court reversed that decision and remanded the case for further proceedings so Ramey could pursue a hearing on custody and visitation of the child, who was born in 2005. Ramey was in a same-sex relationship with Kimberly Sutton. At the time of the relationship, Oklahoma did not recognize same-sex marriages, which changed following the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision last year not to take up an appeal of Oklahoma’s marriage-equality lawsuit ruling.

The couple agreed to have a child, born by Sutton with a donor. Sutton and Ramey later separated after almost 10 years of same sex parenting, as co-parents. Sutton denied Ramey’s status as a parent and sought to end all interaction between Ramey and the child, according to the opinion.

“Ramey, the plaintiff, is not a mere ‘third party’ like a nanny, friend, or relative, as suggested by the district court,” the ruling states. “On the contrary, Ramey has been intimately involved in the conception, birth and parenting of their child, at the request and invitation of Sutton. Ramey has stood in the most sacred role as parent to their child and always been referred to as ‘mom’ by their child.”

The decision is intended to recognize same-sex couples who, prior to the U.S. Supreme Court legalization of same-sex marriage, entered into committed relationships, engaged in family planning with the intent to parent jointly and share those responsibilities, the ruling states.

“Public policy dictates that the district court consider the best interests of the child and extend standing to the non-biological parent to pursue hearings on custody and visitation,” the ruling says.

Click here to read the entire article.

 

by Barbara Hoberock, November 18, 2015 TulsaWorld.com

in Adoption / In the News / Legal / Parenting  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Mormons in Same Sex Marriages & Children Banned

Same Sex Marriages & Children Banned

Children of same sex marriages will not be able to join the Mormon Church until they turn 18 — and only if they move out of their parents’ homes, disavow all same-sex relationships and receive approval from the church’s top leadership as part of a new policy adopted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

In addition, Mormons in Mormons in same sex marriages will be considered apostates and subject to excommunication, a more rigid approach than the church has taken in the past.

The new policies were contained in a handbook for lay leaders that was disseminated on Thursday to those who administer the church’s 30,000 congregations around the world. The church made no public announcement of the change, but it was leaked to the news media and confirmed by a church spokesman.

Mormons in same sex marriages will be considered apostates and subject to excommunication

“The church has long been on record as opposing same-sex marriages,” the spokesman, Eric Hawkins, said in a statement. “While it respects the law of the land, and acknowledges the right of others to think and act differently, it does not perform or accept same-sex marriage within its membership.”

Before the handbook change, bishops and congregational leaders had more discretion in whether or how far to discipline Mormons in same-sex marriages. Now same-sex marriage has been added to a list of conditions considered apostasy, which means Mormons in same-sex marriages will be subject to disciplinary hearings that result in excommunication.

Some liberal Mormons expressed outrage online at the new policies. Jana Riess, a columnist with Religion News Service, said she was livid that children born to those living out of wedlock, as well as rapists and murderers, can be baptized and blessed, but not children of monogamous same-sex couples.

“It’s heartbreaking for me to see my church drawing this line in the sand, which leaves faithful L.G.B.T. members with an impossible choice: They can either be excluded from lifelong love and companionship, or excluded from the blessings of the church,” she said.

The church has actively lobbied against laws legalizing same-sex unions, but has also in recent years supported laws intended to protect gay people from discrimination. In March of this year, leaders at the church’s headquarters in Salt Lake City helped to pass a bill known as the “Utah compromise,” which bans discrimination against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in housing and employment but protects religious institutions that do not condone gay relationships.

Click here to read the entire article.

 

New York Times, by Laurie Goldstein, November 6, 2015

in In the News / Parenting / Religious  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Second Parent Adoptions Suggested & Needed

 Second Parent Adoptions Are Suggested & Needed

Second parent adoptions are essential in protecting the right on the non-biological parent in every case of same sex union, marriage or cohabitation and here’s why! One tenet of the debate surrounding same-sex marriage has focused on whether same-sex parents provide poorer conditions for raising children compared with different-sex parents. Political and public dialogue ensures that this notion remains pervasive and persuasive, even though the Supreme Court decision this summer ensured marriage equality in the U.S.

Second Parent Adoptions are Needed. . . And it isn’t just talk: Laws exist that implicitly reflect the rhetoric that somehow same-sex parents are different.

For example, even though same-sex couples make decisions together to have a child, and even if both parents appear on the birth certificate, the non-biological parent may have limited legal rights over the child. In Texas, two parents of the same sex are even prohibited from being listed on supplemental birth certificates, only allowing for parents where “one of whom must be a female, named as the mother, and the other of whom must be a male, named as the father.”

Although all states offer second parent adoption to same-sex parents in legally recognized unions, only 15 states and the District of Columbia offer second-parent adoption to same-sex parents in cohabiting relationships. This means that in cases where the parents are not married, the non-biological partner may be denied access to the children.

An underlying assumption about parents in same-sex couples seems to be that same-sex parents are less invested or are unable to follow through on the types of parenting that matter for children.

This type of argument is often rooted in the idea that biological parents who are partnered with each other have an advantage over a parent partnered with someone other than their child’s biological parent, with non-biological parents less likely to invest or commit to children who are not their “own.”

This is wrong and must stop! Second Parent Adoptions are Needed As Policies Against Same Sex Parenting Are Not Science Based

Laws and policies that undermine the rights of same-sex parents are more based on politics than on actual science of how they parent. Same-sex parents who conceive children via assisted reproductive technology, for example, should have the same parental rights as heterosexual parents who conceive via assisted reproductive technology and do not have to jump through the same legal hoop.

Very little research has directly tested whether there are different types of parenting investments by same-sex couples. However, in one study that we conducted, we found no difference in the amount of time parents spend with children between same-sex parents and different-sex mothers. But there is a catch.

Mothers in same-sex relationships, fathers in same-sex relationships and mothers in heterosexual relationships spent about the same amount of time in child-focused activities, about 100 minutes a day. Men in heterosexual relationships, however, spent significantly less child-focused time than all three other groups of parents — about 50 minutes per day. That means the only difference that we found tended to favor same-sex couples (and heterosexual mothers).

Importantly, these differences persisted when we controlled for factors that have well-known influences on time spent with children, including parent’s education, the number of children, the age of the children, and parent’s time spent working or commuting. Here’s the catch to this “no difference” conclusion. When combining estimates across mothers and fathers to look at time investments at the family level, not just by individual parents, children raised in same-sex families would receive an average of 3.5 hours of child-focused time a day, compared with 2.5 hours for children in heterosexual families.

Click here to read the entire article.

 

By Alexa Martin-Storey,Kate Prickett – Special to the American-Statesman

November 3, 2015

in Adoption / In the News / Parenting / Religious / Science  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Parenting Policies-China to End One Child Policy

As China ends its one child policy, some parents ponder the pros and cons of parenting a second child.

Parenting News from Beijing: China will allow all couples to have two children, a Communist Party leadership meeting decided on Thursday, bringing an end to decades of restrictive policies that limited most urban families to one child.

The announcement came after the party’s Central Committee concluded a four-day meeting in a heavily guarded hotel in western Beijing where it approved proposals for China’s next five-year development plan, which starts next year. The terse announcement from Xinhua, the state news agency, about the sharp shift in family planning policy gave no details.

The Chinese government has already eased some restrictions in what has often been described as the “one-child policy,” and a party conference in 2013 approved allowing couples to have two children when one of the spouses was an only child. But many eligible couples failed to take up the chance to have a second child, citing the expense and pressures of parenting children in a highly competitive society.

A summary of the decision by Chinese radio news said that officials had decided to “improve the demographic development strategy, and to comprehensively implement a policy that couples can have two children, actively taking steps to counter the aging of the population.”

The initial public reaction to the party leaders’ decision was restrained, and many citizens in Beijing who were asked whether they would grasp the chance to have two children expressed reluctance or outright indifference. Some, however, were pleased.

Still, the cost and difficulty of parenting 2 children are likely to deter many eligible couples from having more children despite the relaxed rules, Mu Guangzong, a professor of demography at Peking University, said in a telephone interview.

Click here to read the entire article.

 

by Chris Buckley - New York Times - October 29, 2015
in Ethics / In the News / International / Legal / Legislation / Parenting  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Do gay parents parents spend more time with kids?

Study finds gay parents spend significantly more time with kids

Gay parents spend significantly more time with their kids, according to a new study that challenges biases against same-sex parenting.

Researchers from the Population Research Center at the University of Texas found that women in lesbian relationships spend 40% more time engaged in child-focused activities than their straight counterparts, largely because both mothers typically offer as much time as mothers in straight relationships.

Fathers in straight relationships spend only about half as much time on child-focused activity. However, fathers in gay relationships spend roughly the same time as the mothers (around 100 minutes a day).

Lesbian couples invest 40% more time in their children

‘Our findings support the argument that parental investment in children is at least as great – and possibly greater – in same-sex couples as for different-sex couples,’ Kate Prickett, the lead author of the study, wrote on the Child and Family Blog.

‘On measures of child-focused time, children with two parents of the same sex families actually seem to receive more time investment. They received more focused time from their parents – 3.5 hours a day, compared with 2.5 hours by children with two different-sex parents.’

Child-focused activities are those that support their physical and cognitive development, such as reading to them, playing with them, helping with homework, bathing them and taking them to the doctor.

It does not include watching television or doing housework while a child is around. Child-focused activities, as well as certain family events such as eating meals together or reading books, are associated with better child outcomes. The study used 11 years of census data from 2003-2013, with a sample of more than 40,000 parents, 55 parents of whom were in gay relationships.

Click here to read the entire article.

 

gaystarnews.com – by Darren Wee, October 21, 2015
in Parenting / Science  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Gay Parents, Is This Country Still Not Ready?

This Country Is Apparently Still Not Ready for Gay Parents

In a couple of weeks, our nation will turn to celebrate the 20th anniversary of National Adoption Month. It’s a time of year marked with an annual proclamation by our president, special events, family gatherings, and mass adoption finalizations. Television and radio programs will burst with stories both heartwarming and horrifying in an effort to draw attention to the glaring need to find homes for the 400,000 children that linger, on average, for nearly two years in the foster care system.

As someone who’s lectured at the university level about this system, of which I am a product, I have to admit I’ve never understood why so many of my foster care brothers and sisters continue to languish in the foster care system. In truth, they should have found homes a long time ago. At this very minute, there are an estimated 2 million potential gay parents, many of whom would love to do so through adoption. Research also shows that children growing up with gay parents fare as well as children raised by heterosexual parents. That means that in the LGBT population alone there may be more than enough ready and capable parents to provide families for our nation’s foster children.

And yet 11 states continue to bar same-sex couples and LGBT individuals from adopting. That means we have enough children needing homes to fill a city the size of Cleveland or Minneapolis. We have a surplus of parents who would like to adopt them. But we’re still seeking ways to prevent them from finding each other. That makes no sense.

It makes even less sense when you consider that foster care programs cost American taxpayers $22 billion each year. That’s about $68 out of the pocket of every one of the estimated 320 million people in the United States every year.

This is but one of the many ways that nation’s love affair with homophobia is devastating our nation’s foster children. And it gets worse when we consider the effects of homophobia on LGBT children in foster care. Consider this:

• LGBT children are over represented in the foster care system. In Washington alone, an estimated 19 percent of foster children identify as LGBT — a figure that is nearly double that of the general LGBT population.
• Once in foster care, LGBT children often receive worse treatment than their non-LGBT peers. A recent study in Los Angeles County found that LGBT children experience more foster care placements and are three times more likely than non-LGBT foster children to have been hospitalized for emotional reasons.
• Many foster care caseworkers and LGBT children report that foster care is not a safe place to question your orientation, and many foster homes and families are not thoroughly assessed to see if they can support LGBT children.
•In some areas, an estimated 56 percent of LGBT children end up running away from foster care when they encounter violence and rejection. Some have even been forced to endure so-called conversion “therapy” and exorcisms.

Click here to read the entire article.

 

by Dashanne Stokes, TheAdvocate.com, October 20, 2015

in Adoption / Anonymous/Known Donation / Parenting / Second Parent Adoption / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

11 Things Not to Say to Gay Parents

Gay Parents Just Don’t Want To Hear This . . .

Even though my partner and I had met in a Chelsea bar, we’d confided that we’d happily trade in martinis and margaritas for play clothes and playgrounds. Eight years later, we fretted over how to start a family: use a surrogate, ask a favor of someone we know, or adopt. When we chose domestic adoption, upon becoming gay parents, I imagined being let down by people’s naïve comments, since we’d be the only nontraditional clan in our New York City apartment building. As expected, they didn’t disappoint.

Over the last decade — our daughter just turned 10 — my now-husband and I have endured a Tonka truckload of bumpy interactions. Rarely have they been funny like Mitch, Cam, and Lily’s antics on Modern Family. At dinner parties, strangers have approached us in the same way they might prod a foreign object with a stick. Unless we’re on Facebook, I don’t like to be poked.

But I get it. Gay parenting’s relatively new to the scene. To keep my sanity, I’ve learned when to sidestep queries, when to give direct answers, and when to educate well-meaning folks. To help other same-sex parents avoid that dance, here are 11 things you should stop uttering.

1. Where’s her mother? I live in a rainbow metropolis, and yet this is the most frequently offensive sentence I hear. Simply put, my tween has two dads. And if there’s concern about my daughter’s safety, simply ask, “Where’s her grownup?”

2. Whose sperm did you use? Who carried the baby? Naturally, acquaintances are curious about the origins of a couple’s baby-making. Consider flipping the tables. Are you willing to tell a stranger that you and your girlfriend conceived while she straddled you in reverse cowgirl position? It’s called TMI.

3. Aren’t you afraid your toddler will play with your sex toys? Because I had to reject the shame surrounding sexuality when I came out, like so many queer people, I did emerge from the experience more sex-positive. That doesn’t mean all homosexual mums and pops leave dildos, nipple clamps, and vibrating rings lying around the living room. That’s what closets are for.

4. Who’s the mother: You or your significant other? I appreciate the desire to fit people into preset categories, but don’t box me in. Not all gay couples subscribe to traditional gender norms or roles. As fathers, my husband and I both do plenty of parenting.

5. Does your baby have HIV? Stemming from the 1990s fear that men who are intimate with men must have AIDS, and ignorance about how the virus is transmitted, this inquiry earns a blank stare.

6. Is she in touch with her mother? I’ve been driven batty by people’s preoccupation with assigning a mom to every child. “Her BIRTHmother,” I’ve retorted, or, “Her biological mother.” My reply depends on my mood and how close I feel to the asker.

7. Are you concerned your kid might be like you? When I sought out young women’s camouflage shirts at a department store, the clerk cautioned, “Your child could be lesbian.” I chuckled so much I forgot to feel insulted by her tone.

Click here to read the entire article.

 

By  – Cosmopolitan.com, October 15, 2015

in Parenting / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Coming Out and Being Out as a Lesbian Mom

Coming Out and Being Out as a Lesbian Mom

I came out well before I became a parent, but even being out from day one of parenthood doesn’t mean visibility is easy. Here are a few things my experience has taught me.

It has become something of a truism in LGBTQ parenting circles to talk about how having kids means being out to everyone — teachers, plumbers, cashiers at the grocery store. Kids, as any parent will tell you, can’t keep closet doors closed. One “Hey, Mommy and Mama!” across the produce aisle, and your cover is blown.

lesbian mom

Coming Out & Being Out as a Lesbian Mom; I came out before I became a parent, but even being out from day one of parenthood doesn’t mean visibility is easy.

For me, however, the problem is not being outed, it’s assuming everyone knows I’m a lesbian when in fact, I tend to blend in with my mostly straight suburban neighbors. (The fact that many of my clothes come from boys’ departments doesn’t seem to register.)

Even when I try to be open about it, people hear “Alan” when I talk of my spouse “Helen” and miss my use of pronouns. My son once received an invitation to the birthday party of a new school friend, and Helen and I got a double-take at the door because one of the friend’s parents hadn’t realized we were a two-mom family. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I’d gone to all of the school’s beginning-of-the-year events wearing an “I’m a lesbian” t-shirt. It would save us from those awkward moments and the “Who are you?” questions.

The other problem is that as a matter of overall identity, I’d rather be known as my son’s mom, not his “lesbian mom.” The commonalities of parenthood far outweigh the differences of sexual orientation. More importantly, I want my son to be known for his own qualities, not for the fact that he’s “the boy with the lesbian moms.” Yes, his lesbian moms will always be part of his identity, but I want us to be a piece of a much richer whole, not a leading indicator. I hope he never wants to hide the fact that he has two moms, but I also realize that as he gets older, he may want to come out about his family in his own time and in his own way.

Coming out is often described as an ongoing journey. As parents, it is a journey we take with our children. Sometimes they will want to be more out about our families than we are comfortable with; sometimes less.

Click here to read the entire article.

 

HuffingtonPost.com, by Dana Rudolph – October 9, 2015

in Family Stories / Parenting / Personal Stories  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Adoption rights for gay couples advance in Kansas

Adoption rights for gay couples advance as State agrees to issue birth certificates listing same-sex couples as parents

The Kansas Department of Health and Environment has agreed to issue birth certificates listing same-sex couples as parents in two cases, advancing adoption rights for gay couples even further. But KDHE spokeswoman Sara Belfry said that decision does not reflect a general policy change.

“We are still reviewing these applications on a case-by-case basis,” she said.

She said the decisions to issue birth certificates in two specific cases that were part of pending legal actions in state and federal court were based “upon consideration of applicable law and review of the impact of existing court orders.”

“My clients are pleased,” said David Brown, a Lawrence attorney who filed a lawsuit on behalf of one local couple. “It’s unfortunate that they had to go to this extent, but we are happy that the state of Kansas has decided to comply. I just hope they change policy so everyone doesn’t have to sue the state.”

Brown has handled several cases involving gay rights and same-sex marriage. Last week, he filed what is called a “parentage action” in Douglas County District Court on behalf of a Lawrence couple, Casey and Jessica Smith, seeking an order directing KDHE to issue a birth certificate listing both women as parents of their child.

The Smiths were legally married in California in 2013. Casey Smith conceived a child through artificial insemination around the first of this year, using sperm from an anonymous donor and gave birth to a son in September.

Douglas County District Judge Sally Pokorny granted the order directing KDHE to list both women as parents on the birth certificate. But KDHE objected at first, saying it had not been notified of the action and had not been notified of the petition and it wanted an opportunity to respond.

A hearing in that case had been scheduled for Nov. 6.

A few days after that case was filed, the American Civil Liberties Union of Kansas filed affidavits in U.S. District on behalf of the Smiths as well as another same-sex couple, Christa Gonser and her wife Carrie Hunt, who live in the Kansas City area. They were married in Canada in 2007.

Hunt also became pregnant through artificial insemination and gave birth to twins at Kansas University Hospital in Kansas City, Kan., on Sept. 22.

Click here to read the entire article.

 

 

by Peter Hancock, LJWorld.com, October 8, 2015

in Adoption / In the News / Legal / Parenting  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Adoption Gay Couples in China Look Abroad

Adoption Gay Couples in China Look Abroad

to Start a Family

Xu Zhe decided a few years ago that he wanted to get married and have a baby—typical life plans for a young man in China. But Mr. Xu is gay and his goals aren’t attainable in his country: Same-sex marriage and surrogacy aren’t legal.

That is why the Shanghai native set out for the U.S. in 2013. Mr. Xu and his long-term boyfriend married that year in California, in a symbolic gesture, since their marriage isn’t recognized in China. Shortly after exchanging vows, they began a search for an egg donor and a surrogate to carry their daughter. She was born earlier this year.

Their situation isn’t unique as the emergence of fertility services and surrogate programs geared toward gay Chinese suggest more couples are heading overseas to start their families.

Many go to the U.S. because of its robust gay-rights movement and liberal reproductive policies. Surrogate carriers are legal in some U.S. states and are believed to be more regulated than elsewhere in the world. The laws on parental rights are clear.

Yet this trend, while still nascent, is in some respects turning history on its head. For years, childless Americans have flocked to China in hopes to adopt a child there. Now, a segment of the Chinese population is looking to the U.S. to help them become parents.

“In the long run, I hope it’ll be possible for China to make it easier for all people to have their own families,” said Mr. Xu, who declined to disclose his partner’s and daughter’s names for this article.

Adoption Gay Couples in China: Gay & Lesbian couples in China resign themselves to not having children to avoid stigma!

There are no official estimates of how many Chinese same-sex couples are going to the U.S. to have children. The cost is prohibitive for most; the total bill, including egg donation, surrogacy and attorney and hospital fees, can reach up to $150,000. But the emergence of fertility consultancies and gay-rights activists acting as surrogates signals rising demand.

Carey Flamer-Powell launched an Oregon agency called All Families Surrogacy earlier this year, in part to help China’s gay and lesbian population, she said. She and John Hesla, an infertility specialist at Portland fertility clinic Oregon Reproductive Medicine, flew to Shanghai in June to speak to around 100 same-sex couples about their options for starting their own families.

“There’s research showing that in the future a man could harvest a stem cell, but don’t plan your family on that,” Dr. Hesla told the couples. He said that most would prefer their children to share their DNA and that the option is more easily available in the U.S. Around 40% of his patients are Chinese couples, some of whom are homosexual, Dr. Hesla said.

Around 20 same-sex Chinese couples have traveled to Los Angeles-based clinic HRC Fertility for services this year, up from around seven last year, said Peter Deng, chief executive of HRC’s China arm, which launched its marketing offices in China two years ago.

While most gay and lesbian couples in China resign themselves to not having children to avoid stigma, demand is high enough that Mr. Xu has also launched a health consultancy in Shanghai. It aims to connect the city’s gay community with overseas clinics, explain the medical procedures and outline options for bringing a child back to China as a foreign citizen or with a Chinese travel document.

Click here to read the entire article.

 

Wall Street Journal China – October 2, 2015

SHANGHAI—

in Anonymous/Known Donation / Egg Donation / In the News / International / Known Donor / Parenting  by Anthony Brown 0 comments