an openly adopted child’s legacy

Once there were two expectant mothers.

One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart

She became your Birthmother.

The other carried the hope of you within her.

She became your Mom.

As the days passed, and you grew bigger and stronger,

Your Birthmother knew that she could not give you all you needed after your birth.

Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and your Mom found each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend.
Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you.
Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved and cared for you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families,
One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you can get:
your questions answered,
your boo boos bandaged,
your heartaches soothed,
And much needed hugs.

And a place where you can find:
answers to your questions,
your image in the mirror,
a part of yourself,
And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families
Two different kinds of love
Both a part of you.

© Brenda Romanchik

from god’s arms, to my arms, to yours

So many wrong decisions in my past, I’m not quite sure

If I can ever hope to trust my judgement anymore.

But lately I’ve been thinking,

Cause it’s all I’ve had to do.

And in my heart I feel that I

Should give this child to you.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he’s been loved before, By someone, who delivered your son,

From God’s arms, to my arms, to yours. 

If you choose to tell him,

If he wants to know,

How the one who gave him life

Could bear to let him go.

Just tell him there were sleepless nights,

I prayed and paced the floors,

And knew the only peace I’d find,

Was if this child was yours.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he’s been loved before,

By someone, who delivered your son,

From God’s arms, to my arms, to yours.

This may not be the answer,

For another girl like me.

But I’m not on a soapbox,

Saying how we all should be.

I’m just trusting in my feelings,

And I’m trusting God above,

And I’m trusting you can give this baby

Both his mothers’ love.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he’s been loved before,

By someone, who delivered your son,

From God’s arms, to my arms, to yours.

(This poem was based on the writings of a young birth mother, whom she shared with songwriter Michael McClean. It has been set to music and comes with a 100% guarantee that no one who has been involved with adoption in any way will make it all the way through with dry eyes! )

© Michael McLean

legacy of an adopted child

Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.

Two different lives shaped to make you one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love. The second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.
One gave you a talent. The other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions. The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile. The other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home that she could not provide.
The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me, through your tears,
the age-old question unanswered through the years.
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling. Neither. Just two different kinds of Love.

© Author Unknown

on children

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, “Speak to us of

Children.”

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit,

not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you

with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that

is stable.

© Kahlil Gibran

the answer (to an adopted child)

Not flesh of my flesh

Nor bone of my bone,

But still miraculously

My own.

Never forget

For a single minute:

You didn’t grow under my heart

But in it.

© Fleur Conkling Heyliger

Credits: http://poetry.adoption.com/

Thoughts on being a Dad…

I never knew that being a dad could re-invent a man.

Things that were not so, now are. And things as they are,

Are amazing.

Showering: No longer a relaxing experience, but rather an attempt

To smell as sweet as your baby girl.

Shaving: No longer a habit of aesthetics, but a way to make the

Face-to-face cuddling as soft and as gentle as possible.

Eating: Just a way to keep you on your feet and wide-awake.

Sleeping: An insignificant and overrated opportunity.

Smiling: A contagious response to pretty much everything the

Baby girl does.

Crying: Now an uncontrolled display of emotion that you are no

longer

Ashamed or embarrassed about, rather empowered by.

Diapering: A fun three-handed activity, much like installing surround

sound stereo;

Really complicated but well worth the effort of doing it right.

Feeding: A one-handed job that requires a little practice and perfect

timing.

Loving: The most powerful and beautiful of all forces on the face of

the Earth.

Being a Dad is not what I expected. In fact it is more than I could

have ever

Imagined…more than I could have hoped for.

My baby girl has taught me how to live, and really, why I am alive to

begin with.

This little girl has changed me.

My heart no longer beats to keep me alive, it beats for her to live.

My thoughts are no longer clouded because she has cleared the sky.

My feelings are no longer mine to control, but rather, hers to own.

Everything in the world is wrapped up inside this beautiful little girl,

and it is slowly unraveling to reveal to me who I really am.

This poem is from Lew and Rob, who adopted through Forever Families

Through Adoption, Inc.

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
and an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this!   You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more..

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

** AND A FOOTNOTE ‘THERE IS NO RETIREMENT   —  EVER!!!

Our Story Continues:

Now the medication schedule is very demanding!!!! For our cycle both Maria and I had to take different medications. You start with birth control pills to regulate and then depending on what kind of cycle you are doing they instruct you as to what you need.

We are talking about pills, needles ouch! and sometimes patches. You have to be committed and disciplined.

Maria was made to mass produce her eggs until they reached a certain diameter (doctors discretion) then they give you anesthesia and remove the eggs.  At the point they fertilize the eggs with your donor sperm and create embryos. These embryos are monitored for 3 to 5 days. The doctor calls you back once they are ready to implant.

What I had to do was take medication to stop ovulating, accept a foreign embryo and fake my body out to get pregnant. You will be evaluated to make sure your lining is fit for transfer.

The doctors then call you in on day 3 if the embryos seem ready or day 5 when hey are a bit more mature and implant the embryos into uterine wall. Most doctors usually suggest you put back only two embryos. So that’s why twins are so common. Then you patiently wait for week 2 and take the pregnancy test. That same day they call you and give you the news. The cycle takes about 2 months from start to finish.

Our First attempt with LIVF failed. Dr. Brenner and his team admitted that the embryos were taken out to early and they didn’t mature and attach to the uterine wall as they should have. 🙁 It was devastating!

We tried 3 months later with a much better understanding and better team.

We found NYU Fertility Center. The best doctors in NYC. I highly recommend them. We met with Dr. Licciardi which was a total gentleman. He was excited and genuiely interested in helping us build our family. And believe it or not, not as expensive as we would have imagined. We felt welcomed here. Needleless to say this cycle with Dr. Liccardi was successful and today we have our wonderful creation, our beautiful baby boy Ottavio .

Must have information:
NYU Fertility Center
Dr. Frederick Licciardi
650 1st Ave 5th floor
NY, NY
212-263-8990

Dr. Licciardi also has a blog with alot of helpful information.

GoodLuck!