LGBT Parental Rights: A new family form but an old question

LGBT parental rights in a changing world.  Will the law catch up to our families?

Lesbian couples raising children conceived through assisted reproduction made front-page news last month when the Supreme Court rebuked Alabama’s refusal to recognize the Georgia adoption decree that made two women legal parents of the couple’s three children. On Tuesday, the Maryland Court of Appeals will take up a related issue.  LGBT parental rights are in the news.

In 2009, after nine years together, Michelle Conover, a transgender man now known as Michael Conover, and Brittany Eckel decided to have a child. They used Shady Grove Fertility Center, selecting semen from an anonymous donor chosen for characteristics similar to Conover. Eckel was inseminated, and, in April 2010, Jaxon was born and given Conover’s last name. Conover was present at Jaxon’s birth and was his stay-at-home parent. When Jaxon was 5 months old, the couple married. About a year later, they separated, although they continued to raise Jaxon together until Eckel allegedly cut off Conover’s access. In their subsequent divorce action, Conover sought visitation rights, but the trial court and the Court of Special Appeals ruled that he was not Jaxon’s legal parent and, as a third party, not entitled to continue his relationship with him.

lesbian family law

The family form is new, but the legal question in the case is not: Who is a child’s legal parent? Extramarital affairs and nonmarital births have always provided challenges for courts grappling with that question, but assisted reproduction has added another dimension.

When married heterosexual couples with an infertile husband began using donor semen in the mid-20th century, some courts called the practice adultery, and legal authorities opined that the child was “illegitimate.” The result was statutory reform in many states, including Maryland, delineating that a child conceived through a married woman’s insemination with the consent of her husband is the “legitimate” child of both of them.

Several state courts have read those statutes to apply to the child of a married lesbian couple. But what about Jaxon, whose parents were not married when he was born? Unmarried couples — gay and straight — now regularly use assisted reproduction. The District has recognized since 2009 that a child born to a married or unmarried couple that uses donor insemination is the legal child of both members of the couple. Had Jaxon been born in a D.C. hospital, Eckel and Conover would both be listed as his parents on his birth certificate.

Washington Post – April 3, 2016, by Nancy Polikoff

Click here to read the entire article.

in Anonymous/Known Donation / Egg Donation / IVF / Legal / Parenting / Recently Added  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

New Jersey Court Awards Three Parent Custody to Family

In a first-impression ruling breaking new ground for New Jersey, Superior Court Judge Stephanie M. Wauters created three parent custody in her ruling in D.G. & S.H. v. K.S., 2016 WL 482622, 2015 N.J. Super. LEXIS 218 (N.J. Super. Ct., Ocean County, Aug. 24, 2015, approved for publication, Feb. 5, 2016), stating that a child’s birth parents, a gay man and a straight woman who conceived the child through assisted reproductive technology, should share joint legal custody together with the father’s same-sex spouse, who was found by the court to be a psychological parent of the child.

In the same ruling, Judge Wauters held that the mother could not relocate with the child to the west coast in order to live with her boyfriend, as the child would be adversely affected by the impact of such a move on her relationship with her fathers. However, Wauters ruled, while treating the biological father’s husband as a joint residential custodian parent, she could not declare him a legal parent of the child, since New Jersey’s law on parentage adheres to the traditional paths to that status of genetic contribution, gestation or adoption, and none of those methods of attaining parental status were presented in this case.

lgbt family law

The child, identified in the opinion as O.S.H., was born in 2009. D.G. is her biological father, and K.S. is the biological mother. S.H. is D.G.’s husband. The much-simplified story of the case is that D.G., S.H. and K.S. began in the fall of 2006 to discuss the possibility of conceiving a child together and raising the child with a tri-partite parenting arrangement. They decided to use D.G.’s sperm because he and K.S. had been long-time friends. They decided not to use a doctor’s assistance, instead following directions in a book on the “Baster Method,” by which they accomplished insemination at home, although K.S.’s first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. After O.S.H. was born, D.G, S.H. and K.S. shared parenting responsibilities. The child mainly lived with her mother with frequent visitation with the fathers. D.G. operated a business (with flexible hours) at the Jersey Shore, and S.H. was employed as a New York City high school teacher. K.S. worked in a New Jersey restaurant owned by her parents. The men shared an apartment in Manhattan as their primary residence. The parents spent most of the summer after O.S.H. was born in a small house in Point Pleasant Beach owned by K.S., and at the end of the summer the men decided to rent their own home in Point Pleasant Beach for ease in shared parenting of the child. Parenting time fluctuated depending on the work commitments of the various parents. K.S. owned a home in Costa Rica where she would spend part of the winters with the child, and where the men occasionally visited. After Superstorm Sandy in October 2012 damaged the New Jersey coastal homes, the child spent more time with her fathers in New York City.

By Art Leonard, March 7, 2016 – Le-Gal.org

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in Anonymous/Known Donation / In the News / Legal / Second Parent Adoption  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Gay Adoption New York

Gay Adoption New York: is adoption necessary in the case of a sperm donor?

For same-sex couples, the fight for marriage equality is over and done with. As they start to building families, however, the struggle remains as the intricacies of family law in New York and across the U.S. haven’t quite caught up to this landmark change. This has led to much confusion on the part of same-sex, particularly lesbian, couples. One question is frequently asked: if two married women conceive a child through artificial insemination, does the non biological parent need to go through the process of gay adoption New York?

 

Gay Adoption New York is still necessary for married women using a sperm donor

Unfortunate case law in the State of New York, entitled Paczkowski v. Paczkowski, held that when married women have a child through artificial insemination, the marital presumption of parentage does not apply to them. This was the case in New York before gay marriage was nationally legalized and it still applies.

Marriage means parentage then?

Marriage does not convey legal parentage for same-sex couples. If your spouse had your child before you were married, gay adoption in New York is still necessary, particularly when you were not listed as a parent on the birth certificate. Despite marriage equality, adoption laws still vary from state to state so it’s important to check the state laws if you plan on adopting your child outside of New York.

What about the sperm donor?

In the case of an anonymous donor, typically the donor has given up all parental rights through the donation process. For this reason, using an anonymous donor is beneficial in New York because a married lesbian couple using an anonymous donor can have both parents’ names on the birth certificate. However, that alone does not create parentage, only second parent adoption does this.  Many couples opt for a known sperm donor for various reasons. In this case, the child and the donor will likely come into contact at some point. It’s vital to establish before conception the role the donor will play in the child’s life, and execute any legal documentation outlining anything pertaining to parenting or visitation rights of the donor. Any lesbian couple using a known sperm donor, regardless of whether they identify him as the father on the birth certificate, must undergo the second parent adoption process to secure the non biological mother’s rights to the child.

 

If you need help determining your parental rights or adopting the child (either biological or adopted) of your spouse, call Anthony M. Brown, head of Nontraditional Family and Estates division of Albert W. Chianese & Associations. Anthony is available to answer all questions concerning non traditional family law and adoption for GLBT families. Call 212-953-6447 or email Anthony with any questions or concerns.

 

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Gay adoption facts for protecting your family

Gay adoption facts for protecting your family

As the laws in New York struggle to keep up with marriage equality, many families are left feeling vulnerable and confused about making sure their family and parental rights are as legally protected as their marriage. Here are a few gay adoption facts and common concerns and what you need to know.

We are ready to adopt a child and looking for gay adoption facts. Can adopt as a couple?

Yes. Same sex couples in New York can jointly petition for adoption, and they need not be married. This may, however, vary by state. If planning to adopt outside of New York, you will need to check the specific state laws.

We are married and having a child through surrogacy or artificial insemination. Is the non biological parent required to adopt our child separately?

In short, yes. Even though the names of both parents may be on the birth certificate, this does not automatically give the non biological parent a legal connection to their child. It’s important to create that legal bond through a stepparent adoption in the event that the relationship dissolves or the biological parent becomes deceased or incapacitated so that the non biological parent can legally maintain a relationship with the child.

How do I know which type of adoption to petition for?gay couple adoption, gay couples adopting, gay adoption facts, gay adoption statistics, lgbt adoption rights, adoption rights, gay adoption rights, gay adoptions

If you’re adopting a child together, a joint adoption will create a legal bond between the child and both parents and is in most cases the best option. If you plan on adopting the biological or adopted child of your partner, whether you are using a surrogate, sperm donor, or your partner already had a biological or adopted child, the specific type of adoption generally depends on whether there is another legal parent already established. If you and your partner are married, generally you would go through the stepparent adoption process. If you are unmarried, you would petition under the co parent or 2nd parent adoption process.

Do I need to track down the other biological parent to consent?

If you had a child through a joint adoption, then typically both parents of the child have already given up their parental rights. In the case of either artificial insemination or surrogacy, legal parentage may be addressed and established prior to the child’s birth and is much simpler if the other biological parent has already given up their legal parental rights. An “adoption surrender” may be needed if the other biological parent has never legally given up their parental rights, or if the child had another adoptive parent in the past.

Will the adoption be valid across state lines?

Yes. Once legal parentage is established through adoption, that child-parent relationship will be recognized nationally.

 

The main point to remember about gay adoption facts for families is to make sure that both parents have established a legal relationship with their children. Anthony M. Brown, the head of Nontraditional Family and Estates division of Albert W. Chianese & Associations, is here to help you make sure that the legal bond of your family reflects your emotional and parental bond. He can help you decide the best course of action to protect your parental rights. Call 212-953-6447 or email me to answer any questions you may have about protecting your family!

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Second parent adoption key to creating security

Growing evidence around secure, same-sex families shows that their children are happy and healthy.  Securing those families through second parent adoption or step parent adoption is key to creating this security.

Second parent adoption is needed and recommended as one tenet of the debate surrounding same-sex marriage has focused on whether same-sex parents provide poorer conditions for raising children compared with different-sex parents. Political and public dialogue ensures that this notion remains pervasive and persuasive, even though the Supreme Court decision this summer ensured marriage equality in the U.S.

And it isn’t just talk: Laws exist that implicitly reflect the rhetoric that somehow same-sex parents are different.

For example, even though same-sex couples make decisions together to have a child, and even if both parents appear on the birth certificate, the nonbiological parent may have limited legal rights over the child.

In Texas, two parents of the same sex are even prohibited from being listed on supplemental birth certificates, only allowing for parents where “one of whom must be a female, named as the mother, and the other of whom must be a male, named as the father.”

Laws and Policies That Undermine Same-Sex Parenting Are Not Based on Science

Although all states offer second parent adoption to same-sex parents in legally recognized unions, only 15 states and the District of Columbia offer second-parent adoption to same-sex parents in cohabiting relationships. This means that in cases where the parents are not married, the nonbiological partner may be denied access to the children.

An underlying assumption about parents in same-sex couples seems to be that same-sex parents are less invested or are unable to follow through on the types of parenting that matter for children.

This type of argument is often rooted in the idea that biological parents who are partnered with each other have an advantage over a parent partnered with someone other than their child’s biological parent, with nonbiological parents less likely to invest or commit to children who are not their “own.”

This is wrong and must stop.

Laws and policies that undermine the rights of same-sex parents are more based on politics than on actual science of how they parent. Same-sex parents who conceive children via assisted reproductive technology, for example, should have the same parental rights as heterosexual parents who conceive via assisted reproductive technology and do not have to jump through the same legal hoop.

Very little research has directly tested whether there are different types of parenting investments by same-sex couples. However, in one study that we conducted, we found no difference in the amount of time parents spend with children between same-sex parents and different-sex mothers. But there is a catch.

Mothers in same-sex relationships, fathers in same-sex relationships, and mothers in heterosexual relationships spent about the same amount of time in child-focused activities, about 100 minutes a day.

Men in heterosexual relationships, however, spent significantly less child-focused time than all three other groups of parents — about 50 minutes per day. That means the only difference that we found tended to favor same-sex couples (and heterosexual mothers).

Importantly, these differences persisted when we controlled for factors that have well-known influences on time spent with children, including parent’s education, the number of children, the age of the children, and parent’s time spent working or commuting.

Here’s the catch to this “no difference” conclusion. When combining estimates across mothers and fathers to look at time investments at the family level, not just by individual parents, children raised in same-sex families would receive an average of 3.5 hours of child-focused time a day, compared with 2.5 hours for children in heterosexual families.

Click here to read the entire article.

 

News.UTexas.edu, by Kate Prickett & Alexa Martin-Storey, November 19, 2015

in Adoption / Legal / Parenting / Second Parent Adoption / Step Parent Adoption  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Colombia’s Gay Adoptions Ruling

Colombia’s Constitutional Court ruling found that barring gay adoptions had deprived children of the right to be raised by families.

In a landmark gay adoptions ruling that eliminated a glaringly discriminatory policy, Colombia’s highest court ruled on Wednesday that gay individuals and couples may adopt children. In a 6-to-2 decision, the Constitutional Court found that barring gay people from adopting had unreasonably deprived children of the right to be raised by families.

The decision was the latest victory for gay activists in Colombia who have challenged discriminatory policies in a string of smartly litigated cases. The ruling will make it easier for gay individuals and couples to adopt children in state foster care. It also will allow people to be legally recognized as the parent of a same-sex partner’s biological child.

Anticipating criticism from political and religious leaders, the justices wrote that “doubts and fears about whether society is ready to accept this decision won’t be dissipated by being blind to an irrefutable reality.” The judges argued that there was no evidence that same-sex couples were unfit parents and no compelling reason to bar them from the universe of potential adoptive families.

Wednesday’s decision sparked criticism from Catholic Church leaders, who argued that the issue should have been decided by Congress or approved in a referendum. While some Colombian lawmakers have introduced bills seeking to expand the rights of gay people, those initiatives have stalled. The country’s top court has picked up the slack. In doing so, it has set a commendable example in a region where gay people continue to face widespread discrimination and scorn.

Click here to read the entire article.

A version of this editorial appears in print on November 10, 2015, in The International New York Times. Today’s Paper|Subscribe

 

New York Times, November 9, 2015

in Adoption / In the News / International / Legal  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Should A Same Sex Couple Get Fertility Benefits?

Are A Same Sex Couple Entitled to Fertility Benefits?

Same sex couple Sarah Soller-Mihlek, a Brooklyn guitar instructor, and Jill Soller-Mihlek say, “We want to start a family,” speaking into a camera focused on Sarah and “We’ve always dreamed of becoming parents,” adds her wife, Jill.

The couple made the video last year and posted it to Indiegogo, a crowdfunding website, in hopes of raising enough money to pay for fertility treatments. Jill Soller-Mihlek, now 33, was hoping to get pregnant via a sperm donor and intrauterine insemination, which can costs tens of thousands of dollars depending on how long it takes to conceive.

Although the couple’s insurance plan typically covers fertility treatment, their insurer, United Healthcare, would not cover the cost. The reason? Jill Soller-Mihlek didn’t meet its definition of infertility because she did not have sex with men.

The couple’s insurance policy defines infertility as an “inability to achieve pregnancy after 12 months of unprotected heterosexual intercourse.” But women who use sperm donors must pay for costly, physician-supervised therapeutic donor insemination for 12 months before they meet the definition of infertility. (Women 35 and older need to go through six failed attempts before meeting the clinical definition of infertility.)

After the Soller-Mihleks paid $13,507 out of pocket for nine unsuccessful cycles of insemination, they decided to chronicle their travails on Indiegogo and Change.org. While the United Healthcare policy tacitly acknowledges single women and same-sex couples, many policies do not. Some even exclude unwed women. Notably, major insurers like United Healthcare often do cover insemination treatments when the issue is male infertility.

The Soller-Mihleks believe their plan’s criteria for granting medical coverage of fertility treatment reveals a subtle form of discrimination against lesbians. (Needless to say, gay men face even greater obstacles in attempting to gain coverage, given that coverage wouldn’t extend to the woman who’d be carrying for them.)

The Soller-Mihleks say their concern is that a female same sex couple, by definition, is incapable of getting pregnant through heterosexual intercourse and requires medical intervention to conceive. They say the subtext of the United Healthcare policy is that a lesbian could get pregnant by having sex with a man, she just chooses not to.

Shannon Price Minter, head of the legal division at the National Center for Lesbian Rights in San Francisco, said: “To me, the central injustice is that when a person has a known condition that precludes them from becoming pregnant, such as a woman who has had her ovaries removed, there is no requirement to go through a period of unprotected intercourse before being recognized as requiring fertility treatments. The same should be true for same-sex couples.”

Tyler Mason, a spokesman for UnitedHealthcare, said the company’s policy is based on the clinical disease of infertility, as defined by the American Society of Reproductive Medicine.

“Our coverage criteria are based on clinical trial data, published literature and recommendations from a wide variety of medical specialty societies and state laws,” Mr. Mason wrote in a statement. “We constantly review and update coverage criteria.”

Aetna also uses the clinical definition of infertility to support its reimbursement policies for fertility treatments.

“It’s not a pregnancy benefit,” said Cynthia B. Michener, an Aetna spokeswoman. “It’s based on the clinical disease of infertility, supported by medical evidence and medical society guidelines, including those set out by the A.S.R.M., and it’s the same for everyone.”

Click here to read the entire article.

 

New York Times, November 2, 2015, by Stephanie Fairyington

in Egg Donation / IVF / Known Donor / Legal / Legislation / Science  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Gay marriage signed into law in Ireland

Gay Marriage Voted in by 62.1% in Ireland

Dublin (AFP) – Gay marriage was signed into law in Ireland, five months after a historic referendum saw the traditionally Catholic nation become the world’s first country to vote for gay unions.

“The Presidential Commission today signed the ‘Marriage Bill 2015’ into law,” the president’s office said in a statement, paving the way for the first weddings within a month.

Ireland voted 62.1 percent in favour of allowing marriage between two people “without distinction as to their sex” in May, the first time anywhere that gay marriage has been legalised in a referendum.

The president’s endorsement was the final hurdle for the bill after legal challenges briefly delayed the legislation from coming into effect.

The first ceremonies should be possible by mid-November, according to Justice Minister Frances Fitzgerald.

Senator Katherine Zappone, who had long campaigned for her Canadian marriage to her wife to be recognised in Ireland, called it “a defining moment”.

“It is a deeply emotional moment for those of us who have campaigned for so long,” Zappone said in a statement.

“This victory truly belongs to the nation, it is a moment for us all.”

In a memorable moment that unfolded live on national television after the referendum result was announced, Zappone proposed to her wife Ann Louise Gilligan to re-marry her under Irish law.

International gay rights campaigners congratulated efforts by Irish activists to win public support for a “Yes” vote in the referendum.

“Tribute must also be paid to national politicians in Ireland, as all the main political parties put aside their partisan differences to campaign for the greater goal of equality,” Evelyne Paradis of the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association said in a statement.

Marriages between same sex couples that took place outside of Ireland will now be recognised under Irish law.

Click here to read the entire article.

 

YahooNews.com, October 30, 2015
in In the News / International / Legal / Legislation  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Known Donor Dad Perspective

As a known donor Dad, my daughters have 2 moms and 2 dads – how does this work?

My family can best be described as a forest. When my daughter created her “Family Tree” for a class project, there were so many branches that it covered an entire poster board. My heart soared. I am lucky enough to be called “papa” by three amazing kids. My son, 9 years old, is the biological child of my husband who we had with the help of a gestational surrogate. I adopted him and he lives with my husband and me. My daughters are 13 and 8 and they live with their mothers, who happen to live in our neighborhood in Manhattan.

ivf, known donor, sperm donor, anonymous donorI call them my daughters because I am their biological father through sperm donation, but the truth is that I am not their parent. This is a critical distinction that any donor dad must make. I am not a co-parent with my daughters’ mothers. But that doesn’t mean that I do not have a meaningful and reciprocally fulfilling relationship with them, it just means that the major life decisions that relate to my girls are made by their mothers, the two amazing women who taught me how to be a dad.

To highlight the enormity of this journey for me, I need to give you some background. In the 70’s as a closeted teenager and in the 80’s as a closeted young man in my 20’s, if you had told that one day I would have three children, I would have felt relief and seen it as affirmation that I could change my orientation. I desperately didn’t want to be gay and after running from my true self for what seemed to me to be ages; I did what many young people who grew up in my era did: I tried to end my life. My parents walked me around the back yard of our house for hours attempting to allow the effects of the pills I had taken to wear off. I am thankful every day that they did.

That moment changed my life because, with a lot of help from a lot of people, I learned that I could be a happy gay person. Once that switch was flipped, life turned on. My family is the culmination of that awareness and of so much love. But that love had to start with me. I don’t think anyone who doesn’t truly love themselves could be a donor dad. It requires patience, responsibility and, most of all, faith. I had to have faith that my daughter’s moms would allow me to have a relationship with them. They also had to have faith that I would be a man of my word and surrender my parental rights to the non-biological mother. We all had to have faith that we would be able to conquer whatever parenting trials would come our way.

But that faith is constantly tested. When my first daughter was born, my husband and I would babysit for her about once every other week and, once she was old enough, we would have sleepovers roughly once a month. I remember one time right after the adoption hearing had taken place where I formally surrendered my parental rights getting a call from one of her mothers after we returned her from a sleepover night. She was asking about a small burn mark on my daughter’s leg. Neither my husband or I could remember anything that could have caused it. But then remembered one moment when we were all in our tiny NYC kitchen and I was holding her when I turned and brushed up against an open toaster oven door. I didn’t think it had touched her. She didn’t cry and I didn’t think anything of it at the time. But when I realized that I had done this, I was so scared that my husband and I wouldn’t be allowed to see her again. I had hurt my own child! I went through a very short lived freak out until we actually talked to her moms again and they told us of how she had fallen off the changing table, a couple of times, and that I shouldn’t worry.

It is moments like that one when you truly understand perspective. But the one person’s perspective that really was tested by my being a donor dad was my husband’s. He often considered himself the odd man out. While I was busy going to clinics and running out of events because “mom was ovulating,” he was often left alone and feeling out of touch with the whole process. If I could have done anything differently, I would have made sure that he was more involved and included him more in the process. The reality, now that the kids are older, is that all three of them refer to my husband as “daddy” and to me as “papa.” When asked, they are the first to tell you that they have “two mommies and two daddies.” This, to me, is one of the coolest things ever.

Because we are honest with all three kids about where they come from, they feel special. They understand that their mommies and daddies loved them so much that they worked together to make our family a reality. If I can offer any new perspective on being a donor dad, it is that anything is possible with honesty, careful preparation and love. You can have the family of your dreams, no matter what it looks like.

June 2, 2014 – by Anthony M. Brown

Thanks to Our family Coalition in San Francisco for asking me to write this piece!

in Anonymous/Known Donation / Family Stories / Known Donor / Parenting / Personal Stories  by Anthony Brown 2 comments

Miracle at the Walmart

by Anthony M. Brown, 12/26/09

It was 3:00 in the morning on December 26th in a West Virginia Walmart parking lot when it happened. For me, disco changed to diapers a long time ago when I became a donor dad to lesbian friends, but the reality of fatherhood was enjoyed from a distance.   Now, with the arrival of Nicholas in September, I am a full-time dad and this fun-gay-New Yorker-activist shops at Walmart. I am officially no longer a gay man.

I will always be a husband-loving kind of guy at heart, but my identity, which has been founded on my sexual orientation, now comes from love for my son. That’s why I was in a Walmart parking lot. Nicholas suffered his first illness on Christmas day when he caught my sister’s cold.  When you have no immune system, even the common cold can rock your world.  I set out to find Infant’s Tylenol at 2:30 AM, full well knowing that it was a long shot to even find a store that was open, much less stocked with exactly what I needed.  After my third 7-11, which only carries Children’s Motrin (for ages 2-11) I saw the Walmart and a few employees standing outside the front door.  I decided to swallow my politically correct pride and go for it.

After parking and walking towards the door, I was informed by a man named Paul that the store would open at 6 AM.  I asked if anyone knew where I could get Infant’s Tylenol.  All three pointed to the 7-11 across the parking lot.  I told them about the Motrin and that I had a sick three-month-old at home, and I guess I looked a little freaked out because Paul told me to wait where I was.  He disappeared into the closed Walmart and 10 minutes later returned with a bag containing Infant’s Tylenol, Cherry flavored, and a receipt with his name on it.

He told me that someone once helped him out when his infant was sick and that he wanted to pay it forward.  I thanked him with a tear in my eye and felt an undeniable bond with this Christmas stranger, who gave me much more than medicine for my son.  I realized in that moment why the gay marriage misinformation campaign staged by The National Organization for Marriage in California, Maine, New York and New Jersey was so successful.

Gay Marriage Taught in Schools? National Organization for Marriage lies and mis-truths run rampant!

Most any parent you meet will tell you that their greatest concern in life is the health and welfare of their children.  I am gay by design, but a father by choice and I know that I would do anything for Nicholas.  When NOM told Americans that gay marriage would somehow be taught in schools, as if traditional marriage is taught in schools, voters on the fence erred on the side of concern for their children.  This tactic is particularly repugnant because the implication of their message was that even the slightest tolerance for gay people and gay marriage is unacceptable.  God forbid being gay is normalized in any way!

When I was in school, I was teased mercilessly by my classmates because they figured out I was gay before I did.  Teachers and administrators watched the taunting and did nothing, perhaps because they had no tools to deal with this kind of harassment.  When it got so bad that my parents had to remove me from that school, I heard that the administration finally did address that matter.  If they had done so when I was there, perhaps I would not have had such a difficult time later in my education.  But  I was lucky.  School children killing themselves due to gay taunting has finally stepped out the closet and more people know about Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover and Keheem Herrera, two such children, or Lawrence King, the California 15-year-old who was murdered by a classmate because he was gay.

The coordinated resistance to tolerance in schools continues to be seen in the backlash to gay straight alliances today.  Case after case filed to stop these alliances is being heard by courts all over the country and, thankfully, courts are honoring their existence.  But the problem in schools continues.  Mayor Bloomberg, our so called ally, still refuses to fully implement DASA (The Dignity for all Students Act of 2004) which would outlaw bullying based on, among other things, sexual orientation and gender identity.

The National Organization for Marriage knows that when today’s youth have children, the atmosphere in schools inevitably bends toward acceptance and they will have lost their keynote anti-equality claim.  I say good riddance, and I say thank you Paul from Walmart for helping me and my son in our hour of need.

Anthony M. Brown is the head of the Nontraditional Family and Estates Division of the law firm of Albert W. Chianese and Associates.  He is also the executive director of The Wedding Party.

in Family Stories / Personal Stories  by Anthony Brown 0 comments