Kids of Gay Dads Are Just Fine, Study Finds

We’ve heard it before, but another study couldn’t hurt, right? New research from the American Academy of Pediatrics found that children of gay dads are just as well adjusted as their peers born to straight parents.

In preliminary findings published Saturday, pediatrician Ellen C. Perrin of Tufts Medical Center and her research team compiled survey responses from 732 gay fathers in 47 U.S. states about their children. Of these dads, 88 percent said it was “not true” that their child is unhappy or depressed, whereas in a federal survey conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention of parents in the U.S., 87 percent said the same of their children. Similarly, while 75 percent of the parents in the federal survey said that their child “does not worry a lot,” 72 percent of the gay dads said the same. All in all, the numbers nearly line up.

gay dads, gay fathers, gay parenting

And in some cases, these dads are raising happy kids against the odds: Perrin’s research found that 33 percent of the dads reported encountering “barriers to sharing custody of their children.” Another 41 percent ran into pushback trying to adopt a child, and 18 percent encountered it while using surrogacy to have a baby.

The survey results also help break down trends in how gay dads have kids. While the largest percentage of gay dads have children through adoption or foster care, 36 percent say their children were born while one of the dads was in a straight relationship. Another 14 percent became parents through surrogacy.

The research, to be presented at the Pediatric Academic Societies 2016 Meeting this week, adds to the small but growing body of research about gay parents and their kids. Recent studies have shown that children of lesbians have higher rates of self-esteem and lower rates of conduct problems than their straight-parented peers. And earlier this year, researchers released an enormous literature review of 19,000 studies about gay parenting published since 1977, finding—you guessed it—that children of gay parents are no worse off than any other kids.

Click here to read the entire article.

Newsweek.com, by Zoe Schlanger – 4.30.2016

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Top Concerns for Gay Men Considering International Surrogacy

International surrogacy poses many questions, and potential obstacles for gay couples.

A gay couple made global headlines last year when their plans for having a baby together went horribly wrong. Manuel Santos and Gordon Alan “Bud” Lake III chose to move forward with a surrogate in Thailand, but after their baby was born, the surrogate refused to sign the final papers, chose to back out of the contract, and eventually decided to fight for custody. International surrogacy was back in the news.

Their case eventually went to court, but was complicated by the fact that the law in Thailand does not recognize same-sex marriages. On top of that, a new law that bans commercial surrogacy went into effect after their baby was born. The odds were stacked against them and the couple had to turn to crowd-funding to help pay for the legal fees and the costs of staying in the country during the battle. Thai surrogate mother

“Our lives have been turned upside down,” the couple explained on Fundly. “Our jobs are in danger, our family is now divided, false allegations and criminal charges have been brought against us. What was supposed to be the happiest time of our lives, bonding with our new baby girl — our daughter and our son’s new little sister – has turned into an absolute nightmare.”

I’ve heard similar stories like this before. I recently published a book titled, Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood: Firsthand Advice, Tips and Stories from Lesbian and Gay Couples, to help LGBT people understand the pros and cons to the various paths to parenthood. The book compares adoption, surrogacy, foster care, assisted reproduction, and co-parenting. One section in the book tells the story of David and Josh, a gay couple who decided to have a baby through international surrogacy but wound up stranded in India for a month after the government refused to grant exit visas for their newborn twins.

David and Josh were eventually allowed to bring their children home to the U.S. I’m also happy to announce that on April 26, Santos and Lake won their court battle in Thailand too, although the couple is still not able to take their child out of the country right away because of the possibility of an appeal by the surrogate mother.

I don’t want to make it sound like surrogacy is bad, or that all people who choose international surrogacy are destined to have horrible experiences, but I do want to raise awareness about the challenges that LGBT people may encounter when choosing to move forward on this path. Here are the top three things you should be aware of when considering international surrogacy.

Possible legal complications – If you are thinking about going to another country for surrogacy, consider the potential emotional and financial cost if you run into complications. Depending on your situation, you may not be able to bring your baby back to the United States or you may have lengthy delays before you can return. International surrogacy is complex and doesn’t have clear protections. Do your research to understand what legal rights the surrogate will have if any, and how the county protects LGBT couples. Consult with a lawyer that specializes in international surrogacy prior to moving forward so that you can be knowledgeable about the situation ahead of time.

Possible breach of contract – Even though all parties sign a contract in the beginning, it is still possible for a surrogate to violate her end of the agreement. There is a risk the birthmother could voluntarily have an abortion without the consent of the intended parents or refuse to have an agreed-upon abortion when recommended by the physician. It is also possible that the surrogate could use drugs, consume alcohol or fail to follow other behavioral restrictions laid out in the contract. In the case of Santos and Lake, the surrogate decided to back out of the contract all together after the baby was born.

by Eric Rosewood, HuffingtonPost.com, April 28, 2016

Click here to read the entire article.

in Ethics / International / Recently Added / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Two Moms Talk About Second Parent Adoption

Not all LGBT parents in the U.S. can put both parents’ names on their children’s birth certificate.  Second Parent adoption can help.

And even if they can, many lawyers still advise that gay couples go through a second parent adoption as a means to protect their parental rights to their children.

Brandy and Susan from The Next Family discuss their second parent adoption experience so other LGBT parents can gain some insight.

The moms explain the importance of second parent adoption by providing the example of traveling internationally to countries that don’t recognize same-sex marriage or families. By going through the process, step parent adoptions give both parents the same rights to their children thus protecting them in the U.S., overseas, and even in custody cases.second parent adoption

“And at the end of the day, I think it’s wise to do it,” Brandy said.

Though she does share her displeasure with the entire process that LGBT parents have to go through that straight parents do not:

“We fight so hard for our LGBT rights and we’ve gotten to this point and this place in our country…and [step parent adoptions] sort of takes you back. Like, really?”

Brandy and Susan explain the process that their family went through when it came to their step parent adoption. It involved finding a good lawyer, filling out an adoption application, and speaking with a social worker.

When speaking about the social worker experience, Brandy said, “They were asking us sort of ridiculous, in my opinion, parenting questions.” She also adds that you should prepare yourself for this experience which may be uncomfortable: “I think it was really insulting to me that they were asking her these questions and me these questions and I had had this child and we had together made this decision together to have this child.”

Following the social worker meeting, families will have to go to court to complete the adoption process.

For Susan’s court date, the judge asked her, “Why should I grant you this right to adopt this child?” Susan said she responded quite awkwardly with, “Well, I’m kind of doing a lot of mother things.” She was happy though with how the judge responded, “You’re the mother and that’s why I’m doing it.” Susan said she could tell that the judge thought that the entire process was also a “silly precursor” to establish her parental rights.

Click here to read the entire article.

By Alex Temblador – TheNextFamily.com – April 15, 2016

in Anonymous/Known Donation / Family Stories / Legal / Personal Stories / Recently Added / Second Parent Adoption / Step Parent Adoption  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Anonymous Sperm Donors threatened by growth of genetic testing

The rise of personal genetic testing and growth of international DNA databases could put an end to anonymous sperm donors and anonymous egg donation as donor-conceived individuals may unintentionally discover biological relatives, according to UCL researchers.

 

The paper, published today in the journal Human Reproduction, reinforces the need for parents using  anonymous sperm donors and anonymous egg donors to be fully informed that their children’s DNA will identify that they are not the and that they should be encouraged to disclose their use of . Anonymous sperm donors should also be informed that their anonymity is not guaranteed, irrespective of whether they are donating in a country that practises anonymous donation or not.

Over 3 million people have already used direct-to-consumer genetic testing, often via online companies without the input of healthcare professionals, to find out information about their ancestry and health and many are participating in international genetic genealogy databases that will match them with relatives.Surrogacy Abroad

Professor Joyce Harper (UCL Institute of Women’s Health) explained: “DNA tests are increasingly being used to solve unknown parentage cases for adoptees and donor-conceived persons. People are finding half-siblings and even biological parents in online databases that are open to the public. A sperm donor does not have to be in the database to be identified as identification can be made from matches with other close relatives such as second or third cousins.”

Using these genetic databases, donor-conceived adults who have not been informed of their status may find out that they are donor-conceived, which may lead to traumatic breakdown of trust with parents.”

Recently, there has been a concerted effort within the scientific community and more widely to foster greater openness about genomic data. These developments indicate that many more healthcare clients are going to know information about their genomes in the future. The situation is further complicated by the fact that different countries, even with the EU, have different laws surrounding gamete donation, donor anonymity and parental disclosure.

by Rowan Walker, MedicalExpress.com, April 14, 2106

Click here to read the entire article.

in Anonymous/Known Donation / Egg Donation / Ethics / Known Donor / Recently Added  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

New Study Shows No Difference in Health Outcomes of Children of Same Sex Parents

New Study Shows No Differences in Family Relationships or Child Health Outcomes between Same sex and Different sex Parent Households.

LOS ANGELES — Households with same sex parents show no differences from those with different-sex parents with regard to spouse or partner relationships, parent-child relationships, or children’s general health, emotional difficulties, coping and learning behavior, according to a new report by researchers affiliated with the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law, the University of Amsterdam and Columbia University.

“This study is the first to use a nationally representative survey to compare the two types of households by focusing only on those with parents that have been in a continuous relationship,” said lead author Henny Bos, Ph.D.second parent adoption

The study, titled “Same sex and Different sex Parent Households and Child Health Outcomes: Findings from the National Survey of Children’s Health,” compared family relationships, parenting stress and child outcomes in households with female same-sex parents versus different-sex parents.

Ninety-five same-sex parent households were matched to 95 different-sex parent households on eight demographic characteristics – parental age, education, U.S. birth status, and current geographic location, and the studied child’s age, gender, race/ethnicity, and U.S. birth status.

Although the study found no differences in family relationships and child outcomes, same-sex parents reported more parenting stress.

“Future investigations might explore whether the cultural spotlight on child outcomes in same-sex parent families is associated with increased parenting stress,” said psychiatrist and co-author Nanette Gartrell, MD, Visiting Scholar at the Williams Institute. “Some of our earlier studies have shown that lesbian mothers feel pressured to justify the quality of their parenting because of their sexual orientation.”

“In recent years, several courts have thrown out the testimony of witnesses who have attempted to draw conclusions by comparing children of same-sex parents who were not continuously coupled, and whose children had experienced family transitions (parental separation, adoption, foster care, etc.), with children of different-sex parents in stable families,” said Douglas NeJaime, UCLA Professor of Law and Faculty Director at the Williams Institute. “In these cases, courts have either rejected these comparisons as invalid research or rejected the expertise of the witness trying to make such comparisons.”

The study used data from the 2011-2012 National Survey of Children’s Health, a nationally representative population-based survey on children’s health approved by the National Center for Health Statistics of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The study is published in the peer-reviewed Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, the official journal of the Society for Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics.

The Williams Institute – April 12, 2016

Click here to read the study.

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LGBT Parental Rights: A new family form but an old question

LGBT parental rights in a changing world.  Will the law catch up to our families?

Lesbian couples raising children conceived through assisted reproduction made front-page news last month when the Supreme Court rebuked Alabama’s refusal to recognize the Georgia adoption decree that made two women legal parents of the couple’s three children. On Tuesday, the Maryland Court of Appeals will take up a related issue.  LGBT parental rights are in the news.

In 2009, after nine years together, Michelle Conover, a transgender man now known as Michael Conover, and Brittany Eckel decided to have a child. They used Shady Grove Fertility Center, selecting semen from an anonymous donor chosen for characteristics similar to Conover. Eckel was inseminated, and, in April 2010, Jaxon was born and given Conover’s last name. Conover was present at Jaxon’s birth and was his stay-at-home parent. When Jaxon was 5 months old, the couple married. About a year later, they separated, although they continued to raise Jaxon together until Eckel allegedly cut off Conover’s access. In their subsequent divorce action, Conover sought visitation rights, but the trial court and the Court of Special Appeals ruled that he was not Jaxon’s legal parent and, as a third party, not entitled to continue his relationship with him.

lesbian family law

The family form is new, but the legal question in the case is not: Who is a child’s legal parent? Extramarital affairs and nonmarital births have always provided challenges for courts grappling with that question, but assisted reproduction has added another dimension.

When married heterosexual couples with an infertile husband began using donor semen in the mid-20th century, some courts called the practice adultery, and legal authorities opined that the child was “illegitimate.” The result was statutory reform in many states, including Maryland, delineating that a child conceived through a married woman’s insemination with the consent of her husband is the “legitimate” child of both of them.

Several state courts have read those statutes to apply to the child of a married lesbian couple. But what about Jaxon, whose parents were not married when he was born? Unmarried couples — gay and straight — now regularly use assisted reproduction. The District has recognized since 2009 that a child born to a married or unmarried couple that uses donor insemination is the legal child of both members of the couple. Had Jaxon been born in a D.C. hospital, Eckel and Conover would both be listed as his parents on his birth certificate.

Washington Post – April 3, 2016, by Nancy Polikoff

Click here to read the entire article.

in Anonymous/Known Donation / Egg Donation / IVF / Legal / Parenting / Recently Added  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Why You Should Always Meet Your Gestational Carrier In Person

 Meeting your gestational carrier is a required component of the matching process. We are, after all, human beings with emotions and body language and senses and intuition.

It almost sounds a little silly as I type out those words, and I’m the one writing them.  What gives? Who doesn’t meet their gestational carrier, you might wonder.

Believe it or not, it happens.

In my early days of surrogacy, I belonged to several online support groups with surrogates and intended mothers from across the country.  Although the majority of the experiences the women brought to the group were positive, there were a few hair-raising ones as well.

One particularly unfortunate story involved an experienced surrogate carrying for a couple that maintained homes in the United States and Europe. They had an independent agreement (meaning they didn’t use an agency to find one another or negotiate their contract) and they used a US fertility center. They used donor eggs and the intended father’s sperm, and the surrogate was pregnant with their baby girl.

Throughout the contract agreement phase and the entire pregnancy, the surrogate spoke only with the intended father by phone. He told her that his wife spoke little English and they were overseas, so she had no contact with her intended mother.

When she delivered the baby, the intended father didn’t come to the birth. Within a day or so of giving birth, he revealed to her that his wife was never aware of the pregnancy and did not want the child, and therefore he didn’t want the baby either.

Shocking, right?!?

surrogate lawyers, surrogate lawyer, surrogate attorney, legal surrogate, surrogate legal

All’s well that ends well (in theory, at least) – the surrogate was able to get temporary guardianship of the baby and placed her with adoptive parents, who no doubt were elated.   But the guy who orchestrated the pregnancy and his unsuspecting wife? Clearly all sorts of crazy.

It turns out that the surrogate never met either of the parents (and this was long before the days of Facetime or video conference calls). She’d only spoken with the intended father on the phone, and nothing more. Granted, in no way, shape or form did she deserve this to happen to her, but I have to wonder if the situation could have been avoided had she insisted on meeting both parents prior to agreeing to carry for them.

And if you follow the news, you probably already know about an unfortunate surrogacy case currently happening in California, where a gestational carrier is pregnant with triplets for a single father. He wanted to reduce the pregnancy, which she refused to do, and now it’s in question whether he wants any of the babies  at all (though they’re all his).

a face-to-face meeting is a required component of the matching process. We are, after all, human beings with emotions and body language and senses and intuition

As it turns out, she agreed to carry for him and became pregnant with his children without ever meeting him, or ever speaking with him for that matter (he is deaf, but still, there are mechanisms for people who are hearing impaired to communicate by phone, and of course there’s email).

by Susan Fuller – March 11, 2016 Surrogacy by Design

Click here to read the entire article.

in Ethics / Recently Added / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Time For Families Celebrates The Wedding Party

IN 1999, a group of friends saw a need and acted – starting The Wedding Party.

The Wedding Party was an all volunteer nonprofit organization that celebrated same-sex partnership and assisted national and international media outlets with presenting images and video footage that draw national attention to and educate the public about the need for securing equal marriage rights for same-sex couples.

the wedding party

Executive Directors Renee Rotkopf and Anthony M. Brown

Our vision was to empower our community by honoring commitment in relationships, inspiring each other to live a life of dreams fulfilled.  And we did it!

Our goal is to foster understanding and tolerance of same sex unions and to educate the public on the need to secure the freedom for same-sex couples to enter into legally recognized marriages and be granted all the 1,138 federal benefits, legal protections and rights that civil marriage provides. In so educating the public our goal is to secure those freedoms for same-sex couples. We plan to change the climate of our country, ensuring equality for all lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

in Personal Stories / Recently Added  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

2016 Impact Award Honors Anthony M. Brown

Gay City News announced this week that they would be honoring a select group New Yorkers to receive their first ever Impact Award for 2016.  Among those honored is Anthony M. Brown, founder of Time For Families.

 

Anthony, recipient of the 2016 Impact Award, currently is an associate with the law firm of Albert W. Chianese & Associates heading their Family and Estates Law division serving unmarried individuals, couples and families in Manhattan and on Long Island.  Anthony is the Executive Director of The Wedding Party and has been a Board member since its inception in 1999.   The Wedding Party is a non-profit educational organization that educates the public about marriage and its importance to all citizens through outreach programs and strategic media placement.  Anthony is the Board Chairman of Men Having Babies, a non-profit organization created to assist gay men looking to create families through surrogacy with educational and financial assistance. Anthony is also a legal consultant for Family By Design, a co-parenting information and matching website.

anthony brown

Anthony & Family

Anthony worked as a legal intern for Lambda Legal in the summer of 2002. While there he helped to prepare briefing for the landmark case of Lawrence v. Texas and his research was quoted specifically in Justice Sandra Day O’Connor’s concurring opinion. Anthony also worked as a law guardian at The Children’s Law Center, representing the legal needs of children in Brooklyn Family Court.   Anthony graduated from Brooklyn Law School, where he served as research assistant to Nan Hunter, the founder of The Gay and Lesbian Project at the ACLU. Anthony is a member of The Family Law Institute of the National Gay and Lesbian Bar Association, the New York State Bar Association, the New York County Lawyers Association and the committee for assisted reproduction of the American Bar Association.  Anthony and his husband were the subjects of CNN’s, “In America, Gary and Tony Have a Baby,” a 2010 documentary about their journey of having a child through surrogacy.

“I am grateful to be honored with this award, especially considering the other honorees.  Thanks to Gay City news and The Point Foundation for the hard work they do for our community everyday,” said Anthony.

 

 

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Surrogacy Ethics – Is It Selfish for a Gay Couple to Have Kids via Surrogacy?

Surrogacy ethics are in the news more and more around the world.  Are gay men’s options for family limited to adoption?

 

Question – My husband and I are gay and are exploring the possibility of having children using an egg donor and a surrogate mother. Sometimes when we mention this in conversation, people ask us, in a chiding tone, Why don’t you adopt? They often then argue that with so many children in need of good homes, it would be ethically superior for us to adopt, instead of spending a small fortune so we can have children to whom we are genetically tied. In addition, there are ethical issues related to paying women for their eggs or paying women to carry our children as surrogates. Are we acting unethically — or at the least selfishly or self-indulgently — in pursuing biological children instead of adopting orphans who could benefit from what (we like to think) would be a good home? David Lat, New York

adopt

Answer – Anybody who is contemplating having a baby, by whatever means, could be adopting a child instead. If those who chide you include people who have biological children themselves, you might want to point this out. Come to think of it, your friends who don’t have children are also free, if they meet the legal requirements, to adopt. Every child awaiting adoption is someone who could benefit from parental volunteers. There is no good reason to pick on you.

The path you have chosen, it’s true, mixes commerce and reproduction through egg donation and surrogacy. But while acquiring an egg and then working with a surrogate mother are transactions with ethical risks, they can each be conducted in morally permissible ways. The main concerns I would have as to surrogacy ethics are avoiding exploitation — so you need to make sure that the donor and the surrogate are acting freely and are fairly compensated — and taking care that your understanding with the surrogate mother is clearly laid out in advance. But any responsible agency that assists you in this should cover these bases.

Wanting a biological connection with your child is pretty normal: We evolved to pass on our genes, after all, even if we’re free to give Mother Nature the side-eye.

New York Times, By KWAME ANTHONY APPIAH FEB. 10, 2016

Click here to read the entire article.

in Egg Donation / Ethics / Recently Added / Second Parent Adoption / Step Parent Adoption / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments