Compassionate Surrogacy – Options For Your Family

adoption and surroagcy lgbt family planning

Compassionate surrogacy, sometime referred to as altruistic surrogacy, is the process where a woman, the compassionate surrogate, carries a child of the intended parents with the intention of giving that child to the parents once it is born.

A compassionate surrogate does not receive compensation for her services.  It is a special person who can be a compassionate surrogate.  When is compassionate surrogacy the right choice for your family?  The answers depend upon several factors.

 

  1. Compensated surrogacy is currently illegal in 3 states: New York, Michigan and Louisiana. While that doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t use a surrogate in those states, entering a compensated surrogacy contract could incur criminal penalties depending on your state of residence. Compensated surrogacy means that the surrogate mother receives a fee for participating in the surrogacy process.
  1. If you want to go through compassionate surrogacy in New York, the surrogate cannot accept compensation outside of statutorily allowed medical and legal costs. The surrogate in these cases is often known by, and close with, the intended parents. It may be a family member as well. You will need a lawyer to determine what costs are and are not allowed to be paid by you, and also to draft a Memorandum of Understanding between the intended parents and the surrogate mother to outline the process and provide for all possibilities that may occur during the process from insemination to birth, and beyond.
  2. A surrogacy, or ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology) attorney must have extensive experience in these types of agreements and can help you and your partner or spouse learn what to expect, average timelines, required paperwork, and even let you know the average costs as well as what is and isn’t legal for you to pay for during the pregnancy.
  3. A compassionate surrogacy attorney can help you manage the relationship with the surrogate and provide dispute resolution that may be needed throughout the surrogacy process, in most cases through the surrogate mother’s separate attorney.
  4. The most critical aspect of compassionate surrogacy is establishing the parental rights of the non-biological intended parent.       Your attorney can help the non-biological parent petition for second or step parent adoption so that both parents have a legal relationship established to the child as soon as possible. Read this article for more information about the second/step parent adoption process.
  5. It’s extremely important to have a lawyer draft any agreement or Memorandum of Understanding between the intended parents and the surrogate mother. If there is a misstep in the contract, you and your child could potentially go through a lengthy and painful custody battle (not to mention the aforementioned criminal penalties in NY) should the mother change her mind. It would be devastating to lose your child over a technicality in the contract.
  6. The hardest part of the process to really grasp is that the Memorandum of Understanding is technically unenforceable in New York.  It’s purpose is to have the parties go through the process of discussing the elements of the journey and the possible contingencies that may occur.
  7. It is critical that psychological support services are provided for both the surrogate and the intended parents and that both parties thoroughly understand the process before entering into any agreement.

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There is currently legislation in New York State that would legalize compensated surrogacy. The Child Parent Security Act would not only make compensated surrogacy a legal option for NY parents, it would also allow both intended parents to be immediately legally recognized as parents at the birth of the child, thus negating the need for the lengthy process of second or step parent adoption by the non-biological intended parent. The CPSA would further protect the rights of surrogates, making sure they are not legally responsible in any way for a child they never intended to parent. While the LGBT community, as well as opposite-sex couples who may need a surrogate, are hopeful it will pass, the bill has been stuck in committee for many years.

If you’re thinking of expanding your family with the help of a compassionate surrogacy, start the process by speaking with an experienced attorney so you can get a solid idea of what to expect, and even if it’s the right decision for your family. As a leading expert in the Family and Estates division of Albert W. Chianese & Associations, Anthony M. Brown is here to help your family with all of its growing legal needs. Call 212-953-6447 or email anthony@timeforfamilies.com to answer any questions you may have concerning compassionate surrogacy or any legal questions concerning same-sex family planning.

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in Featured Articles / IVF / Legal / Parenting / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 2 comments

Coca-Cola Will Offer More Inclusive Parental Leave, Including Surrogacy

Citing the influence of its millennial employees and the need to promote gender equality at work, Coca-Cola on Monday announced a far more inclusive paid parental leave policy.

 

Previously, Coke only gave six to eight weeks paid parental leave to female employees who gave birth. But starting in January, all new parents at Coke — including dads, adoptive and foster parents — will be entitled to six weeks off upon the arrival of their kids. Birth mothers will also be entitled to an additional six to eight weeks leave. The new benefit is not available to unionized Coke workers. Overall 40,000 employees are eligible, out of 60,000 in the U.S.2nd parent adoption, second parent adoption, second parent adoptions, second parent adoption new york

“Fostering an inclusive workplace means valuing all parents – no matter their gender or sexual orientation,” Ceree Eberly, Coke’s chief people officer, said in an announcement on the company’s website. “We think the most successful way to structure benefits to help working families is to make them gender-neutral and encourage both moms and dads to play an active role in their family lives.”

The company, which took in $44 billion in revenue last year, said the policy was “championed” by a formal group of millennial employees who had been asked to come up with ideas for attracting and retaining younger workers. By 2020, Coke expects more than half of its workforce will be of the “millennial generation,” born between 1981 and 1997.

HuffingtonPost.com, April 18, 2016, by Emily Peck

Click here to read the entire article.

in In the News / IVF / Known Donor / Parenting / Second Parent Adoption / Step Parent Adoption / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Family Time With Frank, John and Zachary

John and Frank live in Oakland Park with their four-year-old son, Zachary. In 2012, the couple fostered Zachary right out of the hospital after he was born and then 18 months later, Frank adopted him as a single father and they became a gay family.

John is from San Francisco. He recently graduated from college and works in human resources. Frank is from New York. He is a registered nurse at Broward General Medical Center and a former New York firefighter. In fact, he was one of the initial responders on 9/11. The couple met eight years ago playing softball.

The two got married in Broward County just after midnight on Jan. 6.2nd parent adoption, second parent adoption, second parent adoptions, second parent adoption new york

In addition to the legal benefits, a huge motivating factor for the couple getting married was so John could join Frank as Zachary’s legal father on his son’s birth certificate. In many cases, unmarried gay couples were not allowed to adopt in Florida, with single fathers having to pass off their significant other as a “roommate”.

“(Before) If something happened to Frank, I wouldn’t have (had) a place to live and I would (have) lost Zachary,” John said.  Meet this gay family!

Visit gayswithkids.com.

in Adoption / Foster / Parenting / Personal Stories / Videos  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

New Study Shows No Difference in Health Outcomes of Children of Same Sex Parents

New Study Shows No Differences in Family Relationships or Child Health Outcomes between Same sex and Different sex Parent Households.

LOS ANGELES — Households with same sex parents show no differences from those with different-sex parents with regard to spouse or partner relationships, parent-child relationships, or children’s general health, emotional difficulties, coping and learning behavior, according to a new report by researchers affiliated with the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law, the University of Amsterdam and Columbia University.

“This study is the first to use a nationally representative survey to compare the two types of households by focusing only on those with parents that have been in a continuous relationship,” said lead author Henny Bos, Ph.D.second parent adoption

The study, titled “Same sex and Different sex Parent Households and Child Health Outcomes: Findings from the National Survey of Children’s Health,” compared family relationships, parenting stress and child outcomes in households with female same-sex parents versus different-sex parents.

Ninety-five same-sex parent households were matched to 95 different-sex parent households on eight demographic characteristics – parental age, education, U.S. birth status, and current geographic location, and the studied child’s age, gender, race/ethnicity, and U.S. birth status.

Although the study found no differences in family relationships and child outcomes, same-sex parents reported more parenting stress.

“Future investigations might explore whether the cultural spotlight on child outcomes in same-sex parent families is associated with increased parenting stress,” said psychiatrist and co-author Nanette Gartrell, MD, Visiting Scholar at the Williams Institute. “Some of our earlier studies have shown that lesbian mothers feel pressured to justify the quality of their parenting because of their sexual orientation.”

“In recent years, several courts have thrown out the testimony of witnesses who have attempted to draw conclusions by comparing children of same-sex parents who were not continuously coupled, and whose children had experienced family transitions (parental separation, adoption, foster care, etc.), with children of different-sex parents in stable families,” said Douglas NeJaime, UCLA Professor of Law and Faculty Director at the Williams Institute. “In these cases, courts have either rejected these comparisons as invalid research or rejected the expertise of the witness trying to make such comparisons.”

The study used data from the 2011-2012 National Survey of Children’s Health, a nationally representative population-based survey on children’s health approved by the National Center for Health Statistics of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The study is published in the peer-reviewed Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, the official journal of the Society for Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics.

The Williams Institute – April 12, 2016

Click here to read the study.

in Parenting / Recently Added / Science  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

HIV Positive Dads Follow Their Family Dream

These HIV positive dads fathered children. Science has come a along way to help HIV+ dads have families of their own.

Aslan always believed he would be a father—if not with a partner, then by teaming up with one of his straight, single female friends. But “at the age of 36, I became infected with the [HIV] virus,” he said. “I thought my whole world collapsed. Everything crashed with that. I believed that there would be no child.” He was gay and single, living in a cosmopolitan city in his southern European country, when a female friend asked him to pair up to make a baby. He had heard that it could be done safely, but when he told her his HIV status, her reaction, he said somewhat morosely, was “very naturally, not very brave.” Unwilling to face that rejection again, he spent years trying to bury his profound desire become one of many HIV positive dads.

Things were different for Brian Rosenberg and Ferd van Gameren, who were already in their forties by the time they began thinking about having kids. Their early years together focused on keeping Brian, who is HIV+, healthy and Ferd negative. But once protease inhibitors emerged and Brian’s health was stable, the couple decided to focus on enjoying life. They moved from Boston into a one-bedroom Chelsea co-op in New York City, started summering in Fire Island, and hopped around their friends’ parties having “a gay old time,” as Brian put it.Donor

After several years, though, all that began to pale. “We started thinking that life had to be more meaningful for us than the next party, the next fabulous vacation.” They wanted a family, and all the responsibility, love, and exhaustion that went with it. They tried adoption first, but when one birthmother backed away, their hearts were broken–so they discussed surrogacy. Given his HIV status, Brian assumed that Ferd would be the biological dad–but Ferd wanted to raise Brian’s bio children. And so in 2009 Ferd went online and found the Special Program for Assisted Reproduction, or SPAR, dedicated to helping HIV-positive men father children safely. The program is run by the Bedford Research Foundation and its director Dr. Ann Kiessling.

Back in southern Europe, by 2011, Aslan was learning about the same option. He was seven months into a new relationship that seemed as if it would stick—and despite himself, he began to imagine having a family with this man. Coincidentally, an American friend forwarded him an article about Circle Surrogacy, which worked with HIV-positive gay men in the States. “And it gave me, like, a wow, big hope, a new window to plan my life again!” Aslan quickly contacted Circle Surrogacy, which connected him with Dr. Ann Kiessling. “She was very kind and explained all the procedures, that it’s completely safe. And this was the start.”

But how can HIV positive dads father children?

“How” has both a practical and a technical answer. This article will tell you the practical steps to take, one by one, with some technical information mixed in along the way. Experts agree that it can be done safely. According to Dr. Brian Berger of Boston IVF, over the past 15 years fertility centers have helped conceive thousands of babies fathered by HIV-positive men—and not a single woman or child has been infected as a result.

So how can an HIV-positive gay man become a biological father? Let’s look at the process, step by step.That’s because, apparently, HIV cannot attach to or infect spermatozoa—the single-cell swimmers that deliver chromosomes to an egg. Sometimes the surrounding fluid—the semen, the ejaculate that carries the sperm along, and which is made separately—does include HIV. But sperm is made only in the testes, which are walled off from the rest of the body, heavily fortified against the illnesses or infections that might affect the rest of the body, for obvious evolutionary reasons. Because sperm doesn’t get mixed with semen until the very last moment, at ejaculation, it remains safe. And after decades of research, the medical profession has figured out how to use only the uninfected sperm to fertilize an egg.

Step 1: Make sure dad is healthy. 

The first, and most important, step is to ensure that the prospective dad is healthy—that his HIV levels are undetectable or nearly so, his T-cell count is high, he’s free of other complications or infections, and he is working closely with a doctor to stay in good health. Says Dr. Bisher Akil, a New York City physician who specializes in caring for HIV-positive patients, “Can HIV positve dads become parents? The answer in 2014 is absolutely yes.” In 2014, no one should use his HIV infection to stop from having a full and normal life, he emphasizes. “The only point I make to potential fathers is that they need to take care of themselves and make sure they have their infection under control. The occasional medical problem that might appear, whether or not related to HIV, needs to be treated very aggressively. They need to be compliant with medications and treatment. That’s not any different from any father with a chronic illness. Now that they have responsibility of having a child, we want to take them through their lives.”

Click here to read the entire article.

April 5, 2016 via gayswithkids.com

in Family Stories / IVF / Legal / Parenting / Personal Stories / Science / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

LGBT Parental Rights: A new family form but an old question

LGBT parental rights in a changing world.  Will the law catch up to our families?

Lesbian couples raising children conceived through assisted reproduction made front-page news last month when the Supreme Court rebuked Alabama’s refusal to recognize the Georgia adoption decree that made two women legal parents of the couple’s three children. On Tuesday, the Maryland Court of Appeals will take up a related issue.  LGBT parental rights are in the news.

In 2009, after nine years together, Michelle Conover, a transgender man now known as Michael Conover, and Brittany Eckel decided to have a child. They used Shady Grove Fertility Center, selecting semen from an anonymous donor chosen for characteristics similar to Conover. Eckel was inseminated, and, in April 2010, Jaxon was born and given Conover’s last name. Conover was present at Jaxon’s birth and was his stay-at-home parent. When Jaxon was 5 months old, the couple married. About a year later, they separated, although they continued to raise Jaxon together until Eckel allegedly cut off Conover’s access. In their subsequent divorce action, Conover sought visitation rights, but the trial court and the Court of Special Appeals ruled that he was not Jaxon’s legal parent and, as a third party, not entitled to continue his relationship with him.

lesbian family law

The family form is new, but the legal question in the case is not: Who is a child’s legal parent? Extramarital affairs and nonmarital births have always provided challenges for courts grappling with that question, but assisted reproduction has added another dimension.

When married heterosexual couples with an infertile husband began using donor semen in the mid-20th century, some courts called the practice adultery, and legal authorities opined that the child was “illegitimate.” The result was statutory reform in many states, including Maryland, delineating that a child conceived through a married woman’s insemination with the consent of her husband is the “legitimate” child of both of them.

Several state courts have read those statutes to apply to the child of a married lesbian couple. But what about Jaxon, whose parents were not married when he was born? Unmarried couples — gay and straight — now regularly use assisted reproduction. The District has recognized since 2009 that a child born to a married or unmarried couple that uses donor insemination is the legal child of both members of the couple. Had Jaxon been born in a D.C. hospital, Eckel and Conover would both be listed as his parents on his birth certificate.

Washington Post – April 3, 2016, by Nancy Polikoff

Click here to read the entire article.

in Anonymous/Known Donation / Egg Donation / IVF / Legal / Parenting / Recently Added  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Mississippi Same-Sex Adoption Ban Unconstitutional

Mississippi Same-Sex Adoption Ban Unconstitutional: The Supreme Court “foreclosed litigation over laws interfering with the right to marry and ‘rights and responsibilities intertwined with marriage,’” a federal judge ruled Thursday.

WASHINGTON — A federal judge in Mississippi on Thursday afternoon halted enforcement of the state’s ban on same-sex couples adopting children.

Citing the U.S. Supreme Court’s 2015 decision ending bans on same-sex couples’ marriages, U.S. District Court Judge Daniel P. Jordan III granted a preliminary injunction against the state’s Department of Human Services in a case filed this past August.gay rights, lgbt adoption rights, adoption rights, gay adoption rights, gay adoption new york

Of the Supreme Court’s decision, Jordan wrote, “[T]he majority opinion foreclosed litigation over laws interfering with the right to marry and ‘rights and responsibilities intertwined with marriage.’”

Jordan concluded on Thursday: “The majority of the United States Supreme Court dictates the law of the land, and lower courts are bound to follow it. In this case, that means that [the adoption ban] violates the Equal Protection Clause of the United States Constitution.”

The case was brought by same-sex couples seeking to adopt through the foster care system or private adoptions, as well as by the Campaign for Southern Equality and the Family Equality Council. They snagged Roberta Kaplan as their lead attorney in the challenge — the lawyer who represented Edie Windsor in her successful challenge to the Defense of Marriage Act and then Mississippi same-sex couples who successfully challenged the state’s same-sex marriage ban.

While Jordan did grant their requested preliminary injunction, he also granted the requests made by many of the defendants to be removed from the lawsuit. Jordan granted requests to dismiss the complaint against Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant, Attorney General Jim Hood, and several judges — finding that they were not the appropriate parties to be sued by the couples and groups.

Buzzfeed.com, by Chris Gender – March 31, 2016

in Adoption / Ethics / In the News / Legal / Parenting  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Parental Rights battle in Michigan: When law doesn’t call you mom

Lesbian couple who used artificial insemination to have kids fight over parental rights now that they’ve split up.

For the last eight years, Jennifer Zunk’s life has been filled with motherly duties.

Changing diapers. Pediatrician visits. Making lunches. Doing laundry.

The kids call her mom. But the law doesn’t.

In a thorny custody case involving a lesbian couple who used artificial insemination to have a family, Zunk is in the fight of her life to protect her parental rights with two children she has raised since birth. She and her partner of 15 years broke up last year, and her ex-partner is now trying to terminate Zunk’s guardianship of their 8-year-old daughter and 6-year-old son.gay family law

But Zunk is fighting back as she faces what could best be described as a medical and legal conundrum — a difficult situation in which the law and technology are out of step. Technology allowed the two women — one a doctor; the other a teacher — to have and raise children together. But the law doesn’t recognize them both as parents.

That’s because of another legal snafu: The women broke up before same-sex marriage was legalized in the U.S., so Zunk couldn’t adopt the children because Michigan didn’t allow it. As it stands, the law only recognizes one parent: Her ex-partner — 47-year-old urologist Carin Hopps of Monroe, who delivered both children after being impregnated using in vitro fertilization. She is the biological parent of the daughter, who was conceived using a sperm donor. But she’s not biologically related to the son, who was conceived using a donor egg and a donor sperm.

Both women have been in the children’s lives since birth. Both entered into agreements to use egg donors. Both have paid for their upbringing. And the kids, who have hyphenated last names for each parent, call them both mom.

Welcome to America’s latest custody battle — a new and even more complicated fight over parental rights involving same-sex couples who used artificial reproductive technology to have babies and raise them together, but then break up with one parent then claiming “they’re mine.” Family law experts say the law isn’t exactly clear on how to handle this scenario, which has left parents like Zunk wondering: Will I lose my children?

“It’s the wild, wild West out here,” said Zunk’s attorney, Dana Nessel, who believes Michigan has outdated custody laws that are costing same-sex spouses their parental rights. “It’s not a disaster waiting to happen — there are disasters which occur on a regular basis, needlessly. Other states are literally light-years ahead of Michigan in this regard.”

Detroit Free Press, by Tressa Baldas, March 20, 2016

Click here to read the entire article.

in In the News / Legal / Parenting  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

2016 Impact Award Honors Anthony M. Brown

Gay City News announced this week that they would be honoring a select group New Yorkers to receive their first ever Impact Award for 2016.  Among those honored is Anthony M. Brown, founder of Time For Families.

 

Anthony, recipient of the 2016 Impact Award, currently is an associate with the law firm of Albert W. Chianese & Associates heading their Family and Estates Law division serving unmarried individuals, couples and families in Manhattan and on Long Island.  Anthony is the Executive Director of The Wedding Party and has been a Board member since its inception in 1999.   The Wedding Party is a non-profit educational organization that educates the public about marriage and its importance to all citizens through outreach programs and strategic media placement.  Anthony is the Board Chairman of Men Having Babies, a non-profit organization created to assist gay men looking to create families through surrogacy with educational and financial assistance. Anthony is also a legal consultant for Family By Design, a co-parenting information and matching website.

anthony brown

Anthony & Family

Anthony worked as a legal intern for Lambda Legal in the summer of 2002. While there he helped to prepare briefing for the landmark case of Lawrence v. Texas and his research was quoted specifically in Justice Sandra Day O’Connor’s concurring opinion. Anthony also worked as a law guardian at The Children’s Law Center, representing the legal needs of children in Brooklyn Family Court.   Anthony graduated from Brooklyn Law School, where he served as research assistant to Nan Hunter, the founder of The Gay and Lesbian Project at the ACLU. Anthony is a member of The Family Law Institute of the National Gay and Lesbian Bar Association, the New York State Bar Association, the New York County Lawyers Association and the committee for assisted reproduction of the American Bar Association.  Anthony and his husband were the subjects of CNN’s, “In America, Gary and Tony Have a Baby,” a 2010 documentary about their journey of having a child through surrogacy.

“I am grateful to be honored with this award, especially considering the other honorees.  Thanks to Gay City news and The Point Foundation for the hard work they do for our community everyday,” said Anthony.

 

 

in Legal / Parenting / Recently Added  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Jason and David: Gay Dads Before They were 30

 

Gay dads David and Jason Bragg-Sutton are a different kind of gay dads. Living north of Tulsa, Okla., in America’s heartland, they have become the parents of three children adopted through the foster care system.

But that’s not what’s different about them. What is? The fact that both did so while under the age of 30.

 

For David Bragg-Sutton, it was a no-brainer. He and his husband became a couple some six years ago, when they were 21 and 26, respectively. Soon afterward, they decided they wanted to start a family, and soon.

Adopted in infancy by a pair of older parents, David says he knew that he wanted to be an active participant in his kids’ lives, when they’re young children and as well as adults. In short, he wants to experience the world with them.

Gay dads

“I want to hang out with them,” he said. “I don’t want to say no to going on a vacation [because of physical limitations]. That was important to me. I want to grow with my children,” David says. “I want to live my life with my children.”

But when David and Jason embarked upon their journey to create a family, they had to change plans and adjust expectations in a big way. They knew they wanted multiple children, for example, but they planned to add them gradually. They also wanted to raise an infant.

After plans for surrogacy with a mutual friend didn’t pan out, they found themselves looking at Oklahoma’s foster care system, and facing some hard truths.

“When we got into the foster care system, our worker told us, ‘You are going to face barriers, as gay parents and as gay parents seeking an infant,’” David says.

Their initial experiences seemed to bear this out. After filling out reams of paperwork, David and Jason opened their home for potential children. And then they waited for 13 months.

Most gay dads have experienced that wait, in one way or another. Fundamentally, it doesn’t matter if the wait is three months or three years. It’s still a period of reflection and anxiety. For the Bragg-Suttons, it was a time of adjusting their expectations, of rethinking what they were willing to do.

At the beginning, they were only interested in seeing children who were young and available to adopt on their own.

But then their social worker began to prod them to change their approach. Eventually they said they were willing to consider sibling groups and somewhat older kids.

They began spending hours at the offices of the Department of Human Services, looking through packets of children who were legally free for adoption.

“We wanted to be very researched,” Jason says. “We really dug into what we signed up for.”

Finally, they were connected with a sibling group of three children, Taylor, 10; Madelynn, 6; and William, 5. On Oct. 5, 2013, they heard they were matched. On Oct. 17, they met the kids at a pizza parlor in Tulsa.

via GaysWithKids.com – February 19, 2016

Click here to read the entire article.

in Adoption / Family Stories / Parenting / Personal Stories  by Anthony Brown 0 comments