Gay Family Values

In 2016 it seems almost archaic to write about gay family values, but the truth is that many in this country still do not understand exactly what they are.

 

First, let’s unpack the term, “family values,” because its modern day origin sheds light on the journey our understanding of the term has made over approximately the last 30 years. Many credit the rise of “family values” with the birth of the religious right.  The religious right stemmed from a failed presidential bid by conservative evangelical Pat Robertson in 1988.  Pat Robertson and Southern Baptist pastor Jerry Falwell maintained one of the most successful movements deriving from a losing campaign, which was the “religious right.”  Family values was the buzzword for any number of anti-gay, anti-women, racially motivated campaigns to keep right wing, mostly Republican politicians in office by driving wedges between the electorate to maintain political control.  With this background, gay family values were absolutely unheard of.Gay dads

Gay family values have a much richer and historic past. Gay people have been having families, raising children and living lives of value since the beginning of recorded history.  The very same qualities espoused to be superior, or correct, by the religious right are the same values that gay parents teach their children and gay children teach their parents.  And it is interesting that these values, when interpreted for political reasons, tend to be based in religion.  This is particularly interesting when you consider that Jerry Falwell’s father was a bootlegger and an agnostic and his grandfather was an atheist, yet he managed to be “valuable.”

While in law school, I did my summer internship at Lambda Legal, the nation’s foremost LGBT impact litigation organization.  I was fortunate enough to work on a case called Lawrence v. Texas.  This landmark gay rights case decriminalized gay sex, which was literally a criminal offence. Prior to its decriminalization, it was used to deny employment, take children from fit parents and serve to marginalize the LGBT community in many states. Lawrence v. Texas was seen by many as the foundation for marriage equality.  Ever since working at Lambda Legal, I knew that I wanted to work with couples and families to protect their interests, and their values.

I have had the privilege of being an attorney for the last 13 years working with gay families, unmarried couples and essentially anyone who falls outside the misnomer, “traditional,” as their family and trusts and estate lawyer. I have seen people go out of their way and spend sometimes unthinkable amounts of money to create the legal protections that most “traditional” couples and families take for granted.  Fighting to ensure the security of your family, in my estimation, is the definition of family value.

While basic estate plans and second or step parent adoptions are certainly critical, and a big part of ensuring the safety of children in these families, that is not the type of gay family values that I’m talking about.  It is the concept of putting your family’s interests above your own.  It is the simple joy of learning from your child about their understanding of the world.  And it is something far more universal than many who have not been exposed to family structures other than their own may not be able to comprehend.  When I meet other families that don’t look like mine, and they meet my family, the spark of possibility is lit for an exchange of information that is critical for value development.

adoption new york,new york adoption,new york state adoption, stepparent adoption process,adopting step children,co parent adoption,2nd parent adoption,second parent adoptions,gay adoption new york,gay couple adoption, gay couples adoptingI count my blessings every day that my son Nicholas, a six and a half year old with the soul of my departed father, is growing up in New York City, where every language is spoken and where every culture is practiced. I am grateful that my daughters have parents who love them and who share with them the possibilities of life that their parents shared with them.  The truth about gay family values is that there is no such thing.  Family values are born from love and respect, not only between family members, but among the different families that exist all over the world.  Those values are exclusive to no particular group.

My son asked my husband and me the other night when we could go to Paris. My first thought was, “when you get a job,” but after reality set in, I started to think what it would really be like to really show him other cultures.  What an absolute honor it would be to share the world with Nicholas and to see it through his eyes.  There really is no better way to understand family values than to see them at work in other families.  So until we get to Paris, you can look for us tooling around the West Village of New York City.  You can’t miss us.  We’ll be the ones with the values!

For more information about creating and protecting your family, contact Anthony M. Brown at Time for Families.

in Estate Planning / Featured Articles / Known Donor / Parenting / Second Parent Adoption / Step Parent Adoption / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 2 comments

Study Says Women in Lesbian Relationships Feel More Parental Stress

A Williams Institute study from the University of California Los Angeles has found women in lesbian relationships feel more parental stress than straight couples.

Ninety-five lesbian parent households were compared with 95 straight parent households to “compare same-sex and different-sex parent households with stable, continuously coupled parents and their biological offspring.”
The study found that in terms of the children’s emotional difficulties, coping behaviors and learning behaviors, there was no difference between those raised in the different households.
However, lesbian parents did experience higher stress levels.parental stress
“Some of our earlier studies have shown that lesbian mothers feel pressured to justify the quality of their parenting because of their sexual orientation,” psychiatrist and co-author of the research, Dr. Nanette Gartrell said.
In the study, parents from both households were matched for characteristics such as age, urban or rural residence, their children’s age, race and gender and whether the parents or children were born in the United States or elsewhere.
Gartrell focused on lesbian couples because there were smaller numbers of male same-sex couples that fit the criteria. The families studied showed no history of family instability or transitions such as divorce or separation and all parents had been raising their own biological children from 6 to 17 from birth.
“This study is consistent with the literature over the last 30 years, with the overwhelming consensus that kids do better with two parents than one parents, and that there’s very little difference in long-term mental health for kids when their raised by either same-sex or different-sex parents,” psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and editor of Journal of Gay and Lesbian Mental Health, Dr. Jack Drescher said.
It’s estimated that 690,000 same-sex couples live in the United States and 19 percent of them are raising children under 18.

Click here to read the entire article.

by Kelly Morris, TheNextFamily.com – May 24, 2016

in Parenting / Recently Added / Science  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Same-Sex Couples and Their Children Speak Out: ‘My Family Is Just as Good as Anyone Else’s’

First comes love, then comes marriage—same sex couples and everyone knows what happens after that.

Children are the expected outcome of matrimony. Now that gay marriages are legal, the kids of their unions are subject to even more scrutiny, on top of the years of criticism from socially conservative groups like Focus on the Family and Americans for Truth About Homosexuality.

But according to a recent study in the Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, the kids are more than just all right; many of them are thriving. While the study focused on the biological children of lesbian households, there’s been tons of research—73 studies, meticulously reviewed by other social scientists—proving that stable same-sex partnerships, just like heterosexual ones, produce physically and emotionally healthy kids. The Root spoke to four same-gender families about the three factors they believe fuel their success.

Family Planning

According to LGBTQ-advocacy organizations like the Family Equality Council, successful gay families are often especially deliberate about planning for children. And many of those families are multiracial, with white parents raising kids of color. Gary Gates, retired research director of the Williams Institute, UCLA School of Law, a research center focused on sexual orientation and gender-identity law and policy, found that among white long-term couples raising children under age 18, 17 percent of single-sex couples have at least one nonwhite child, compared with 3 percent of different-gendered couples. In fact, single-sex white couples are more than five times more likely than their different-gendered counterparts to be raising nonwhite children.more gay couples are embracing surrogacy

Race mattered not for white-and-Latino couple Eva Smith, 44, and Liz Fuentes, 46, of South Orange, N.J., who are using pseudonyms to protect their African-American children’s privacy. Parenting was an essential part of becoming a family, as was careful planning.

“As a woman, [wanting children] was almost innate for me,” says Smith, who has been with Fuentes for 20 years. “I wanted to be a mom, and there are so many children out there who need loving families—we weren’t concerned with the genetics.”

Ten years ago, the couple began the adoption process of their two black sons, Peter and Adam, both age 10. After completing nearby New York’s rigorous process of workshops designed to prepare parents for adoption, which includes extensive background checks, a home study and home inspection, Smith and Fuentes were matched twice by the state with foster children they eventually adopted. The family have since relocated from the busy streets of Brooklyn, N.Y., to the quieter New Jersey suburbs to give their children the best possible quality of life and access to competitive schools that could address the boys’ developmental delays.

Sometimes a child’s geographic upbringing can be both a help and a hindrance. Growing up in rural Maine, for instance, gave Family Equality Council Co-Interim Executive Director Brent Wright, who is white, a quiet life, but left his desire to be a father “a dream deferred” because he’d never seen any gay families. As his community evolved and changed, so did his prospects for parenthood. He and his husband, Sandis, who have been together for 25 years and live in Andover, Mass., with their two black daughters, went forward with adoption after months of classes and meetings with clergy, mentors with social services experience and people of color.

“[We] had a really good grounding in the importance of cultural respect and understanding what it means to transracially adopt,” says Wright. Their girls, Olivia and Noelle, are 7 and 2 and participate in gymnastics, theater and ballet.

lesbian family law

drawing of a happy couple of lesbians and adopted child

Honest Conversations

Though today’s climate for LGBTQ families is stronger than in years past, parents must prepare themselves and their children for the realities of intolerance and hatred of all kinds. Yvonne and Rebecca Johnson, both 33, are a black lesbian couple raising their sons, Raphael, 12, and George, 14, who are Yvonne’s biological children. They live in Columbus, Ga., where their closest neighbor has a Confederate flag proudly on display. (The family’s names have been changed to prevent personal and professional backlash in their conservative hometown.)

“When the kids were young, we explained to them that people might say or do hurtful things [because of our family],” says Yvonne Johnson.

George, a ninth-grader with a passion for acting, is grateful for the confidence instilled by such conversations.

by Tamika Anderson, May 17, 2016 – TheRoot.com

Click here to read the entire article.

in Adoption / Anonymous/Known Donation / Known Donor / Legal / Parenting / Recently Added  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Children’s Books To Help Discuss Gender and Being Different With Your Kids

Some time ago, our blogger Stephen Stratton wrote an excellent article entitled “How to Talk About Gender and Trans People With Your Kids.”

We are republishing Stephen’s list of good children’s books dealing with being different, gender, and trans people. Reading them with your kids could be a great starting point for conversations in your family about these topics.

In Stephen’s words, “When we start to break it down, the easiest way to talk to your children about trans people is just to make space to talk about gender, early and often. The more we as a community normalize openness and honesty around gender and trans experience, the more space we make in the world for families like mine to feel safe, welcome and celebrated.”

I Am Jazz – Jessica Herthel

The story of a transgender child based on the real-life experience of Jazz Jennings, who has become a spokesperson for transkids everywhere

“This is an essential tool for parents and teachers to share with children whether those kids identify as trans or not. I wish I had had a book like this when I was a kid struggling with gender identity questions. I found it deeply moving in its simplicity and honesty.” — Laverne Cox (who plays Sophia in “Orange Is the New Black”)

From the time she was two years old, Jazz knew that she had a girl’s brain in a boy’s body. She loved pink and dressing up as a mermaid and didn’t feel like herself in boys’ clothing. This confused her family, until they took her to a doctor who said that Jazz was transgender and that she was born that way. Jazz’s story is based on her real-life experience and she tells it in a simple, clear way that will be appreciated by picture book readers, their parents, and teachers.

My Princess Boy – Cheryl Kilodavis

Dyson loves pink, sparkly things. Sometimes he wears dresses. Sometimes he wears jeans. He likes to wear his princess tiara, even when climbing trees. He’s a Princess Boy.

Inspired by the author’s son, and by her own initial struggles to understand, this is a heart-warming book about unconditional love and one remarkable family. It is also a call for tolerance and an end to bullying and judgments. The world is a brighter place when we accept everyone for who they are.

10,000 Dresses – Marcus Ewert

Every night, Bailey dreams about magical dresses: dresses made of crystals and rainbows, dresses made of flowers, dresses made of windows … Unfortunately, when Bailey’s awake, no one wants to hear about these beautiful dreams. Quite the contrary. “You’re a BOY!” Mother and Father tell Bailey. “You shouldn’t be thinking about dresses at all.” Then Bailey meets Laurel, an older girl who is touched and inspired by Bailey’s imagination and courage. In friendship, the two of them begin making dresses together. And Bailey’s dreams come true!

This gorgeous picture book — a modern fairy tale about becoming the person you feel you are inside — will delight people of all ages.

Red: A Crayon’s Story – Michael Hall

A blue crayon mistakenly labeled as “red” suffers an identity crisis in the new picture book by the New York Times-bestselling creator of “My Heart Is Like a Zoo” and “It’s an Orange Aardvark!” Funny, insightful, and colorful, “Red: A Crayon’s Story,” by Michael Hall, is about being true to your inner self and following your own path despite obstacles that may come your way. “Red” will appeal to fans of Lois Ehlers, Eric Carle, and “The Day the Crayons Quit,” and makes a great gift for readers of any age!

Red has a bright red label, but he is, in fact, blue. His teacher tries to help him be red (let’s draw strawberries!), his mother tries to help him be red by sending him out on a playdate with a yellow classmate (go draw a nice orange!), and the scissors try to help him be red by snipping his label so that he has room to breathe. But Red is miserable. He just can’t be red, no matter how hard he tries! Finally, a brand-new friend offers a brand-new perspective, and Red discovers what readers have known all along. He’s blue! This funny, heartwarming, colorful picture book about finding the courage to be true to your inner self can be read on multiple levels, and it offers something for everyone!

Jacob’s New Dress – Sarah Hoffman

Jacob loves playing dress-up, when he can be anything he wants to be. Some kids at school say he can’t wear “girl” clothes, but Jacob wants to wear a dress to school. Can he convince his parents to let him wear what he wants? This heartwarming story speaks to the unique challenges faced by boys who don’t identify with traditional gender roles.

Meet Polkadot (The Polkadot Series Book 1) – Talcott Broached

Have you been looking for a story with which to begin and/or continue meaningful and accurate conversations about gender identity?

Perhaps you wish to have dialogues that center and normalize transgender identities but you feel worried you may not have accurate information?

Maybe you ARE trans or you have a child/family member who is trans and you are ready for a book that honors transgender experiences rather than sensationalizes transgender lives and bodies?

Meet Polkadot is the first in a series of books that introduces readers to our main character Polkadot, a non-binary, transgender child. This book is an accessible introduction and primer to the the diversity of gender identity, the importance of allyship, and the realness of kids like Polkadot.

Gayswithkids.com – April 25, 2016

Click here to read the entire article.

in Egg Donation / Parenting / Recently Added / Step Parent Adoption / Surrogacy  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Adopting in the US has more heartache than you’d imagine

Mike Anderson and his husband, Jeff Binder, endured a difficult adoption of daughter Annika, and missed out on a second child.

“Kidz Bop” children’s music producer Mike Anderson, 42, and his husband, TV’s “Damages” and Broadway actor Jeff Binder, 45, longed to start a family, but adopting a child in the US proved to be more difficult than they ever imagined. Here, Mike tells The Post’s Jane Ridley about their epic adoption missions, which resulted in both joy and heartache.

Blowing out the candle on her birthday cupcake last Saturday, our beautiful daughter Annika clapped her hands with delight.

My husband, Jeff, and I could hardly believe it’s been four years since she officially became ours at 2 days old — especially since adopting her was a nerve-racking roller coaster of emotions.

Jeff and I first discussed having kids before we got married in December 2008. For me, part of coming to terms with being gay had been mourning the loss of my chance to have children. When Jeff suggested we do the same as our friends who had adopted or hired surrogates, I came to see how realistic it was. Being dads was an exciting prospect.

But it wasn’t until we’d moved from Inwood to Rhinebeck, NY, that we researched the subject properly, and rejected the idea of surrogacy because of the cost — about $120,000. We started down the adoption route in August 2011. We wanted a newborn, and we thought our chances were better domestically.

For many couples, it takes years to bring a baby home, but for us, it happened pretty fast. We hired Manhattan attorney Suzanne Nichols and were approved by the New York State Adoption Service in February 2012.

Next, we hired an adoption facilitator named Heidi, who helped draft our ad. “Broadway actor and children’s music producer yearn for miracle baby,” it read. It was Hallmark cheesy, but Heidi told us it would appeal to the demographic we were targeting.

We placed the ad in the PennySaver in so-called “adoption-friendly” states like Arizona, Indiana, Pennsylvania, Florida and Wyoming. There, the birth mother has less time to change her mind. In states such as New York, the window is as long as 45 days after giving birth.

Heidi answered all the calls we got on an 800 number and, if she thought they were legit, I did the follow-up. She told us to treat every potential mother as The One, even if you’re juggling more than one at the same time.new york adoption, new york state adoption, adoption New York

They were all hard-luck stories, including an older mom who got pregnant by her friend’s son. Then along came Stephanie*, a 32-year-old mother from Lafayette, La., reaching out on behalf of her daughter, Deana*. The 14-year-old had hidden her pregnancy for seven months after meeting a boy at a party. Most of our dealings were done through Stephanie — we spoke to Deana occasionally but she was quiet and didn’t say much. “We want to give up the baby for adoption,” Stephanie assured us over the phone several times. “Deana just can’t be raising a baby at this point.”

There are strict rules about what you can and can’t pay for when you’re adopting. You can provide the mother with money toward groceries, transportation and housing. But, to be honest, we felt like Stephanie played us a little because she thought we were wealthy.

We ended up buying the family a $4,000 trailer to live in because they were moving to Cocoa, Fla., as well as their monthly land-rent of $900 and a $2,500 truck. Groceries were about $120 a week, and we hired a doula to assist with the birth for about $2,000. Stephanie even called and said, “Deana wants a kitten. Will you buy her one?” Our lawyer advised us not to because it could get us into trouble. In total, the whole adoption process cost us $60,000.

I had a strong feeling that it was all going to fall apart, but we pressed ahead.

Meanwhile, we’d found another birth mom, a 16-year-old from Germantown, Md., who was due three months after Deana. We figured that, if everything worked out, we’d pretty much have the equivalent of twins.

Click here to read the entire article.

May 12, 2016 by Jane Ridley, New York Post

in Adoption / Family Stories / Parenting / Personal Stories  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Lesbian Family, Megan and Candice Berrett, does Epic Gender Reveal for Second Baby

Thank you to Megan and Candice Berret for sharing your story in such a wonderful way.

Megan and Candice Berrett reveal the gender of their new baby with Beyonce’s ‘Who Run the World.’

Thank you to Megan and Candice Berrett for sharing your story in such a wonderful way.

Please watch to the end and I guarantee that you’ll be dancing and smiling along with the GIRLS!  This creative gender reveal shows exactly why our children grow up as happy and loved as children from non-gay families.

If you have a creative gender reveal video you’d like to share, send it to Anthony@timeforfamilies.com or visit my contact me page and I’ll post it on my site.   Good luck Megan and Candice Berrett with you new…???

 

 

 

 

in Family Stories / Parenting / Personal Stories / Videos  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Estate Planning Trust – Does my family need one?

I get this question a lot, “Do I need an Estate planning trust?” The answer differs for every personal and family situation, but there are some critical reasons why an Estate Planning trust may be right for you.

Before understanding when an Estate Planning Trust is appropriate for you, it is important to understand exactly what they are. There are two types of Estate Planning Trusts, revocable and irrevocable, and two ways to create them, either in a Will, a testamentary trust, or as a standalone document.

Revocable Trusts – A revocable trust is executed during the lifetime of the Grantor, the person creating the trust, and is called an intervivos trust.  The Grantor often has controlling power over the assets in the trust during his or her lifetime.  Revocable trusts are tied to the social security number of the Grantor and provide the Grantor with specific control over the assets contained within the trust, including terminating the trust and transferring any trust assets back to the Grantor.  The most common reasons for revocable trusts are to bypass the probate process for passing assets upon the death of the Grantor and to provide for the management of assets that the Grantor may believe that they cannot manage due to illness.estate planning , estate planning trust, glbt estate planning, lgbt estate planning, gay family law, wills, trusts

Irrevocable Trusts – An irrevocable trust may be created either during the life of the Grantor, an intervivos trust, or in the Grantor’s Last Will and Testament, a testamentary trust.  In the case of the latter, the trust becomes irrevocable upon the death of the Grantor.  The key difference between a revocable trust and an irrevocable trust is that the Grantor completely surrenders control over any assets contained in an irrevocable trust.  Irrevocable trusts also require separate tax ID numbers, and have separate tax filing requirements.  Reasons for creating an irrevocable trust include minimizing estate tax charges on assets passing to non-spousal beneficiaries, such as homes (Qualified Personal Residence Trusts – QPRTs) and life insurance proceeds (Irrevocable Life Insurance Trusts – ILITs).  The values of assets which pass through irrevocable trusts are not taxable in the Grantor’s estate; however, there may be a gift tax event which occurs at the time of the initial transfer of an asset into an irrevocable trust.

Other Reasons for an Estate Planning Trust – For Grantors who own real property in a state other than the state of their domicile, a proceeding called an “ancillary probate” is required.  This means that if a person lives in New York and owns real property in Florida, two probate proceedings must be brought: one in New York to pass their New York property and one in Florida to pass the Florida real property.  In order to avoid this unnecessary and expensive double probate process, the title to real property in Florida may be transferred into a New York revocable trust.  This transfer then negates the need for the Florida probate proceeding.  It is critical; however, to actually transfer the title of the Florida property into the New York trust and have that newly transferred title recorded in the appropriate Florida County Clerk’s office.  Simply creating the trust is not enough.

Children’s Trusts – The primary reason why people include an Estate Planning Trust in their Wills, a testamentary trust, is to provide for young children in case something were to happen to both parents before he children reach an age where they can responsibly manage their money.  Children’s trusts allow parents to name a trustee, or money manager, for the assets which will eventually pass to their children, to provide for unexpected circumstances such as drug or alcohol abuse of a child and to stretch out distributions of principal and interest over a controlled period of time.  It is important to note that a Children’s trust cannot name a guardian for the person of the child, only for the property of the child.  This personal guardianship designation can only be made in a Last Will and Testament.

If I have an Estate Planning trust, do I still need a Will? – In a word, yes!  The Estate Planning Trust should be an addition to a person’s estate plan, not a substitution for it.  To see a list of estate planning basics which all individuals and couples, with or without children, should have, visit TimeForFamilies.com.

When you are considering an Estate Planning Trust, please consider me a resource. For more information the basics for estate planning for gay couples, contact Anthony M. Brown at Time for Families and speak to a specialist family lawyer to secure your and your family’s future.

Contact Time For Families

Contact Form
* indicates required field

in Estate Planning / Featured Articles / Legal / Parenting  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

As a Gay Woman, I Thought I’d Never Have Kids – but I Was Wrong

We had some challenges, but we got a happy ending.  A lesbian mom journeys toward family.

I’d always wanted a baby or two (or more). For me, a lesbian mom, it just wasn’t a question of if I get pregnant but when. In my daydreams, I’d see myself picking my son and daughter up from the school bus to walk our treelined block until we reached our Colonial-style home. I’d open the gate of the white picket fence, they’d rush in, drop their backpacks and the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies would greet them as they entered.

All of that.

But I’m gay.parent adoption

When I came out at the age of 16, those fantasies weren’t so realistic anymore. I just didn’t think getting pregnant could happen for me. The desire was still in my heart, but I was unsure if it would — or could — become a reality. I was missing one super obvious and important ingredient in the baby-making process: sperm.

I met my would-be wife when I was 26. On our first date, I told her of my lifelong dream to get pregnant and have kids. She told me she vaguely thought about adopting a child — and only one child. When we got married three years later, I told my wife how quickly I wanted us to try to conceive. She needed longer to settle into the idea. For her, things were moving quickly. Not to mention, we would have to finance the pregnancy.

We started to talk about getting sperm from a known donor versus an unknown donor.

For us, the best option was to go with the recommendation of our friends — fellow lesbians who were either trying to conceive, or who had just finished or had started but had never had a successful pregnancy. They recommended reputable sperm banks long before my wife and I actually ever walked into our reproductive endocrinology clinic. Luckily, our newfound clinic recommended the same sperm bank as our friends, and we eased into the process of searching for a donor. When we were seriously looking, we created a user profile. Doing so, I felt, made the process real to me.

Even so, we still contemplated going with a known donor. We thought, Hey, wouldn’t it be great if our kid could have access to the knowledge of his/her biological make-up? But our doctors reminded us of all of the legal issues which could ensue if our friend (potential known sperm donor) decided he wanted rights to his child. We didn’t want to go to court nor did we want to subject our own mental health or the livelihood of our family to the ramifications of such a decision.

Our decision to go with a donor who chose to be anonymous was our ultimate decision. This meant that any child we conceived in the in vitro process would never get to know his or her biological father. If we went with a known sperm donor from the cryobank, that child would have the legal right to meet him once they reach the age of 18. With my wife being Sri Lankan and I African-American, we knew we wanted a Sri Lankan donor since I’d be the one to carry our child.

Once we decided on the cryobank, we had access to so much information about the sperm donor. We knew his ethnicity, height, weight, and even his astrological sign — all of this information is available before making the expensive purchase of sperm.

Cosmopolitan – By , Apr 29, 2016

Click here to read the entire article.

in Anonymous/Known Donation / Known Donor / Parenting / Recently Added  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Rob and Chris: 2 Travel Dads, Two Travel Kids

“We had kids to spend time with them,” says Rob Taylor. “To show them the world, teach them and see how they respond to things — it’s really fascinating to see how their little brains work.” – Travel Dads

Calling the forests of Suquamish, Washington, home, Rob and his husband Chris run the popular 2TravelDads blog, and are hailed by The Huffington Post as one of the “world’s top male travel bloggers.” Tales of adventure with sons “Panda”, 4½-years-old, and 14-month-old “Koala” (codenamed for privacy) to Mexico, Napa, and even across Puget Sound to Seattle, Rob and Chris not only paint vivid pictures of destinations perfect for kids, but sprinkle in a few kernels of wisdom on how to travel with charges so young.2nd parent adoption, second parent adoption, second parent adoptions, second parent adoption new york

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Together for 11 years and consummate travelers before fatherhood, Rob and Chris were determined to give their kids the travel bug. Conventional wisdom dictates once children are in the picture, the freewheeling lifestyle of footloose parents must radically change to something more rooted and sedentary. Not so, says Rob.

“There’s no reason to change how we live and travel,” he adds. “You just keep on going and keep on having fun so they keep on having fun. With our oldest, we took him on his first flight when he was around 5 months old, and he has the cutest little passport picture. With our youngest, he was 2 months old when he went on his first flight.”

Parents may balk at the idea of globetrotting with young children, but Rob extols the virtue of getting kids in the air, on the road, or over the waves as soon and as often as possible. The logic is straightforward: the sooner the child learns how to travel, the sooner travel becomes that much easier. Judicious use of iPads, Yahtzee and the Endless Series family of educational games also makes for an easier commute, and with his kids, Rob has traveled only between Canada, the United States, and Mexico so far. With regards to air travel, Panda and Koala are never in a plane for more than six hours. Another tip: always use your own car seat even if airlines or ships offer one; you know the settings and your children are used to it.

Click here to read the entire story.

via gayswithkids.com – April 21, 2016

in Family Stories / Parenting / Personal Stories  by Anthony Brown 0 comments

Kids of Gay Dads Are Just Fine, Study Finds

We’ve heard it before, but another study couldn’t hurt, right? New research from the American Academy of Pediatrics found that children of gay dads are just as well adjusted as their peers born to straight parents.

In preliminary findings published Saturday, pediatrician Ellen C. Perrin of Tufts Medical Center and her research team compiled survey responses from 732 gay fathers in 47 U.S. states about their children. Of these dads, 88 percent said it was “not true” that their child is unhappy or depressed, whereas in a federal survey conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention of parents in the U.S., 87 percent said the same of their children. Similarly, while 75 percent of the parents in the federal survey said that their child “does not worry a lot,” 72 percent of the gay dads said the same. All in all, the numbers nearly line up.

gay dads, gay fathers, gay parenting

And in some cases, these dads are raising happy kids against the odds: Perrin’s research found that 33 percent of the dads reported encountering “barriers to sharing custody of their children.” Another 41 percent ran into pushback trying to adopt a child, and 18 percent encountered it while using surrogacy to have a baby.

The survey results also help break down trends in how gay dads have kids. While the largest percentage of gay dads have children through adoption or foster care, 36 percent say their children were born while one of the dads was in a straight relationship. Another 14 percent became parents through surrogacy.

The research, to be presented at the Pediatric Academic Societies 2016 Meeting this week, adds to the small but growing body of research about gay parents and their kids. Recent studies have shown that children of lesbians have higher rates of self-esteem and lower rates of conduct problems than their straight-parented peers. And earlier this year, researchers released an enormous literature review of 19,000 studies about gay parenting published since 1977, finding—you guessed it—that children of gay parents are no worse off than any other kids.

Click here to read the entire article.

Newsweek.com, by Zoe Schlanger – 4.30.2016

in Parenting / Recently Added / Science  by Anthony Brown 0 comments